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Nexus Jan 30
Walking eternal in the shadows of grace
Digging through photos to remember her face
You run for your life yet you stay in one place
We try to escape our purposeless fate
We left it too late, our demons have strayed
They jump out of our heart and into our head
They’re planning on staying they’re making theirs beds
They pull at my strings and push on my threads
Pressing these buttons till I’m seeing red
I called my therapist they called the Feds
I try to smile but a frown comes instead
I hide my eyes from the tear I have bled
I dreamed I lived but it was all in my head
You say it’s just worry and I say it is dread
You say it’s just quitting and I say it’s dead
Please don’t come closer this’ll end in regret
Like a rat when it’s cornered I’m gonna lash out
Like a fat man at Christmas I’m gonna pig out
I pray you’re not bothered when my secret comes out
I hope my true self won’t leave you in doubt
Nexus Jan 30
This pain in my heart this pain in my chest. It doesn’t compare to pain of regret. I knew what was right and acted so wrong. I had you in my life and you said so long.
Will time make this better, how long will it take?
Do you think about me too? All I see is your face.
I know I’m not the man to take you by the hand and give you your deserved fate.  
But I will give you all I am in hopes to meet your match as you have done the same.
Alone together we are all that matters. Now we’re apart I strain to remember those better times when I called you a lover.
Nexus Jan 30
Everyday I feel I’m going to die, and that’s ok cuz I’ve come to terms, I never really had much of a life and that ok I’m on my ones.
I think about the end before I start and that’s ok I’m just making sure,
I can’t explain what’s in my head and that ok cuz no one listens.
You’ll realise who I was and who I hide,
You’ll ask yourself did I have to die and that’s ok it’s written in my eyes.
They aint no helping nor saving me,
Sit back and watch me smile and that ok cuz I’m ready to die.
Nexus Jan 30
I say I love drugs I’m on the Isle of drugs, can’t complain no fuss, I’m in heaven I  suss, I sit back no rush, I’m chill, I’m flush. I’m feeling I’m bust.

We all love lies we’ll spin the wheel of lies. Let’s see what’s surprise is waiting inside. How the truth can divide what were feeling in mind.
I’d you pay no mind then the secrets they hide, but you have to keep in mind that life is never kind.  

Your words paint a picture and now that picture is stuck.
In my head thoughts of future when I’m **** out of luck.

Locked in quarantine
I take a few quetiapine
Hoping I can sleep
Praying I don’t dream.

If it comes to be I’ll go to hell.
Because I’m a ******who’s S.O.L.
Life was good, it was going well.
Until I took them drugs and numbed myself.
Nexus Jan 30
I smoked a lot of grams,
Took a couple Xans, now balling.
I try to lift my hands,
I really gotta dance but I’m falling.

Don’t believe that they understand you,
That’s self preservation and manipulation.
They don’t respect nor do they value,
That’s self medication and isolation.

Do we have a connection? Whether genetic or objective?
Would you stand by your ugliest demons and face them?
Is being lonely really the reason you’re upset?
Or is it the fact you’ll never be quite like them?
Are you filled with envy? As it builds in contempt.
You’ll always be nobody. Get that through your head.
Nexus Jan 30
If you held my hand
If you felt my skin
Would you understand
Could you let me in

I never know when I’m down
You can smell my brain
Those people living underground
They still feel the pain
That’s why I cry with no sound
My tears would be in vain.

I capture my emotion
And pocket it for later

My pockets are close to bursting
Please take me somewhere safer

My irrelevance is relevant
My patience sedimentary
My soul now benevolent
My heart beats solidarity

I use caution in portions and divide it to share
This feeling of nausea is too to much to bare
We are emotional soldiers and a war we declare
Connecting with our brothers breathe your pain in the air.
Nexus Jan 30
Cutting and ******* my skin I feel it digging itself in, that thought of being incomplete and not quite me, not myself, who can help? Not family nor friends can.
look at them watch as it’s too late.

Hahaha no one wanting me to tempt fate but listen up I’ve got something to say. This is my life not yours if I want to end it then let be. Control you can’t, another soul to be flaunted, I’m yours kid, summon and compel, fought I did, letting you become hells kin, this isn’t right, not what was written. Please my son calm down we can talk about this.
Not knowing that son was already mentally contorted, being ripped and torn like so many souls aborted, not meant to be but you clawed with an inch of your life your sorted, made it through kid. Welcome to hell and the life you afforded. Look around boy this is your bed, you made it, lay in it, no talk back.

What wrong? Not what you thought? Maybe you was expecting more? But sorry Bradley this is what consists.. here, take your sceptre  and March to the pits.
There’s work to do and your just the kid he’s been looking for, you never question or need to know more.. you get it don’t you Bradley?
Not everyone on this world is worth you.
Maybe your worth more and one day you’ll come through.
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