I would take pictures
of myself on facebook but I would rarely ever wear a smile.
I would not take selfies not for attention and not for love from any love else.
They were just daily reminders and the cruel reality was that I have always hated the way I looked.
I obsessed over my weight and thought if I did look skinnier that I would look great.
A few times in my life I had to face my inner battle head on
it has won me an few times in my life.
At certain points in my life I rejected eating and enjoying my food.
All the fat comments took my joy of eating away, they were
so vile and rude.
Being shouted at in the street and called the fat loser.
In this period of my life I had an year of self hatered and defeat.
The eating issue was hard to beat.
I would get triggered
if anyone mentioned anything relating to my weight if it was just another joke.
The echo of the rude comments
would stand out in my brain
repeating the same rude line.
"Your a fat loser"
Even when people in my family
said I was looking fine and were more concerned about my health.
The voice in my head would keep shouting that these are all lies.
I said to people around me
please do not keep mentioning
about my weight and just talk
about other topics.
Dont keep feeding the hate that is already there when there are plenty of things out than just talking about my weight.
It only magnifies the issue of the ED
and this makes it tougher to fight inside my mind.
I have accepted my ED and dealt
with some of my inner pain
that is only half the battle, in my own head I must learn to accept and love my body, be happier and eat more regularly without feeling any dread, guilt and remorse.
Love my self, ignore the haters and horrible cruel comments that have always stood out in my mind.
The comments and thoughts
are always going to be there
but I now I know I really dont care as much about this
and to not let it control my life.
The rude people in the street
might have won the battle at the time
for a short while
but they never won the whole war over me.
I have choose now to accept my fate, eat again and be more health. Learning to love myself again and that is the final score.
trigger warning - poem about body image and issues with food its more about acceptance and gradually overcoming it in my head beating all the rude comments from the people in the street.
