I blame myself for not being enough
Within my voids, you found her to fill
And now she owns half of your heart
To know the truth, ******* kills

Does she love you better than I do?
Does she make you feel brand new?
Does she make you feel electric?
Or give you a feeling you don’t wanna lose?

When you tell her “I love you”
And when she tells you it back
Is that what you’ve been missing?
Has she been picking up my slack?

Every day without me
Is another day with her
Maybe not psychically
But enough for you to lure

My mind is my worst enemy
It constantly mocks me of the pain
And where I went wrong along the way
It drives me ******* insane

I can’t ever forgive myself
For not loving you properly
I ruin the all the things I love
So why does this come as a shock to me?

I love how you make me laugh until I cry
and that you constantly make me smile
because you rescued that sparkle in my eye
that had been missing for quite a while.

I love the way you stare at me
and how calm you make me feel.
Our energies flow so naturally
that sometimes it seems surreal.

I love the memory of our first date
especially when you hugged me at the end
and I love that you believe in soul mates
and how quickly you became my best friend.

I love it when you call me stunning
randomly and completely out of the blue
and when you kiss me, my heart starts running
because I’m hopelessly and madly in love with you.

wait for me
on the concert grounds
of the bands we don’t even listen to;
wait for me
‘til you find yourself
singing to the second verse
of a rock song
you hear for the first time —
that one is gonna be our song, darling.

wait for me
in old malls and museums
people no longer come to;
wait for me on the forgotten stairs
'til you see my ragged old skool
and my bad, orange hair
parting the crowd
to give you my bear hugs.

wait for me
in coffee shops that play
my favorite songs;
wait for me with that
black coffee in hand
'til i arrive an hour later
to appease you with
kisses that smell like subways
cause they’re what
i give best.

wait for me
in busy, city streets
valleyed by nameless
skyscrapers;
wait for me in strangers’ cars
at 5 am 'til a sunray
hits my face a meter across
from where you are.

wait for me
by the shore,
where promises are lost
in the sea spray;
where the starless skies
can watch me drown
in the scent of your hair
when the sea is right before us.

wait for me, darling —
wait for me until
we no longer have to say
our i love you’s
through calls and texts
but in front of each other.
wait for me until
you no longer find
an “i have to go” note at three am
but my arms,
wrapped around your body
and my lips
planted on your neck.

wait for me, darling —
wait for me until
we no longer miss each other
more often than not,
and until the only waiting
we’ll do
is you, waiting for me
to get off work,
and me, waiting for you
to wake up.

wait for me until the moment
you find me
there,
next to you;
wait for me until
your home becomes my home,
and until all we’ll have
to wait for
are delayed flights
and underrated movies to start
and dishes served late
and our hand, finding each other
instantly after seconds
of being away.

wait for me darling —
wait for me until i’m there
forever,

and until we no longer
have to wait.

There's dimensions in you that I miss exploring, and phases in you that I find myself entrapped in. Feelings in you that I find myself entranced with, and love, in you that I find myself falling for. Within you somehow I found myself, yet it took me to lose you to really understand this. Lost in the world I look up and ask for the bribing of our venal God that if he can convince you to explain to you that I can encumber the universe with my small hands and offer it to you in seconds. The stars, the moon, the tides, the sun, the blues & all your favorite hues. I can still envision you unlocking what many have failed to do. Pushing the small of my back, I can still hear you breathing down my spine, your breathing intertwined with my curls, ugh...& so I ask of you not to demur, but to opt in & give me what I ask of you.. even if its selfish please let me love you. Let me love you twice, let me love you right this time. I know I can get it right this time, I know because of my lack of understanding, insipience and insincerity it has led you to astray us, but I entrust in you and the universe to unravel your blindfold & understand the missing links in you that I can perfectly paint for you with the same hands that have always made love to you. This isnt an apologia it's a declaration of my love to you. This is a letter to you, to God, to the Universe, a manifestation in the works that I am putting out into the world. I love you & I love you for many more years to come.

Beautiful garden
Don’t ever change
Water your flowers
And don’t rearrange
Keep your distance
From flowers and fury
From roses and sadness
Sunflowers and grief towers
Don’t stop to smell them
Lie down and dwell
Lie down, cherry plum
Lie down, cherry plum.
Cherry plum sweet as whiskey
Whiskey cold as fire
That’s you, cherry plum sweetheart
That’s you, cherry plum love.