What haunts the hollow     hallway of dark hours
fails again. A friend,     not fear, grips me.

We feast tonight!
The fasting's past, and the banquet now is spread.
We feast tonight!
Enough for all to gather and break bread.
We feast tonight!
Because we hunger, in ways we barely know.
We feast tonight!
We dine together, our common ground to show.

We drink tonight!
To battles won and lost at the stroke of a pen.
We drink tonight!
To who we are, and also who we've been.
We drink tonight!
To memories, and those yet to be made.
We drink tonight!
To the future, and the doomed plans we have laid.

We dance tonight!
To music that only we can hear.
We dance tonight!
Together, hands joined, and very near.
We dance tonight!
To let out what's bottle up inside.
We dance tonight!
As though unseen, no caution cast for pride.

We sing tonight!
The songs we wrote when we were younger folk.
We sing tonight!
The words we thought were better left unspoke'.
We sing tonight!
The heavens echo, our voices of single mind.
We sing tonight!
And though off-key, could be no more refined.

We live tonight!
No other night holds portent over this.
We live tonight!
With little fear of what we lack, or miss.
We live tonight!
Because we wish, not because we must.
We live tonight!
And never know, tomorrow we may be dust.

A holy pilgrim downtrodden
I once saw the face
A goal clear, a path to take
No fear
No hope of fame

But never felt better

Now
Every single breath i take is leaving me sedated
I know just what home i'm looking for
And i know just how to make it
Mix up life, ****** up this time
But living isn't going to save it

Out of hate, white hot embrace
There's something here to entertain me
Finding time to reconcile
Dripping good will through an iv
A passive medication to alleviate the vile

New crime wave
Time to turn around
Its far too late
To take the fathers crown
A symbol of atrophy
Status reanimate in head space
Living through the air waves

God knows that its far too late

Decrepit in the negative
And that's the way you'll find me
Dead inside or otherwise
Becoming like a zombie
Staring at a color or
Listen for a note
To hit upon a heart-string
Played out, made up like an over coat

We live between the times
The time is stated
Above the waking world
Come guess what thread i'll next unwind
Hanging in the vacuum of a fragile state of mind

I am lonely
Yeah

It's fine.

2004 I discovered
I could write
All the emotions I felt inside
That's when the lyrics
Just started to flow
But it started out slow
2011 I was on top of my game
2014 I took a break
2015 I lost pretty much everything
Guess that means
2016 I have to start over again

I used to **** this lyrical ****
Now I can't be bothered
with any of it
In fact, I don't even care about life
I'm sick of all these fake smiles
I'm tired of feeling alone
I'm sick of trying to move on

I'm done with this
Feeling like ****
Trying to get better
That's not working
Trying to find reasons to live
I'm done looking for it
You can't give me a reason to stay
Pass me the blade
It's time to fade away

Stop pretending you care
When I know you don't
I see through your lies
Nobody here can
Make me change my mind
I've seen a dark world
Through these eyes
Thought I could ignite the world with love
Should have given up from the start

I used to **** this lyrical ****
Now I can't be bothered
with any of it
In fact, I don't even care about life
I'm sick of all these fake smiles
I'm tired of feeling alone
I'm sick of trying to move on

I'm done with this
Feeling like ****
Trying to get better
That's not working
Trying to find reasons to live
I'm done looking for it
You can't give me a reason to stay
Pass me the blade
It's time to fade away

I've tried coming to grips
With the things that I think
I can't let this brain keep running
It drives me deeper into the ground
I'm better off when I'm not around
Eternal sleep that's for me
I said it before and I'll say it again
I've taken my vows
It's time to let these lights go out

I used to **** this lyrical ****
Now I can't be bothered
with any of it
In fact, I don't even care about life
I'm sick of all these fake smiles
I'm tired of feeling alone
I'm sick of trying to move on

I'm done with this
Feeling like ****
Trying to get better
That's not working
Trying to find reasons to live
I'm done looking for it
You can't give me a reason to stay
Pass me the blade
It's time to fade away

©2017 Written By Benji James

Got the call before noon.
I can't believe this news.
Jerry, you're gone.
I can't believe this news.
My nephews and sister left all alone.
I can't believe this news.
I can't process.
I can't.
How could this happen?
It is too soon for God to need you.
My sister needs you.
Johann needs you.
Jaben needs you.
I'm so sad.
You're gone.
This has to be a joke.
What a cruel cruel joke.
I need time to process.
I need this to sink in.
I need. I need.

Stranded in the abyss between dreams and reality.
An unhealthy position for me to put myself in.
But as I open my eyes and focus on the picture, I realize I'm right where I need to be.
Alone, Stranded, and Hungry.
I strive to become someone who has never known hunger.
I strive to become someone who can fly away as she pleases.
I strive to become someone who fills herself with her own company.
I strive.
I strive.
As I strive to become who I wish to be.
I learn.
And I learn to become every part of me that has been hiding in the shadows for the last couple dozen years.
That's a long time to forget those parts of you.
And they come back without hesitation.