I Felt●

How
You curled
Your hands from the heights

Did instigate●

I
Felt
I could fly and catch your smiles
I felt I could fly but to that mile
Just like the kites●

In
Endless fantasies
I clench myself like colourful crayons●

But
Someway,somehow
I felt each had a riven beak
And foil me
To print the picture of these delusions
So bright●

Now
I feel am right,and myself
Waving back to the same heights●

I Felt●

©Historian E.Lexano

tonight
i placed the sheets over my head
no light
black
black
but my eyes were open
watching
wide
imagining,
seeing things that i shouldn't
my brain drawing
up
demises for my life that can't be stopped.

songs
do not calm me down.
only the brutality
of screaming into my pillow
and crying so hard
that
my eyes hurt and swell and
ache
when they slowly blink afterwards
calms me down
because after that,
i have nothing else to give.
i have no energy left
no emotions
no more excess feelings
that have built up over the day
or days
or week
that need to be set free.

i would love to die
i would like
to go to the top of a hotel
or an apartment building in the busy city
the lit city
the bustling city that's moving
too fast for me
when it's warm at night and dark
gray
in the sky
stars twinkling
my eyes gazing,
swiping over the constellations i do not know.
i would like to sit there
and listen to a sad, simple song on
repeat for
years.
i would like to sit there
on the ledge
for so long that my fear of heights is no more
so i have time
to reminisce
to think
to
to close my eyes
and remember.

i would want the gray night to last forever
i would want to slip into
a universe
where it's always that way.
listening to my song,
swinging my feet over the ledge
as i remember
my family members' faces
the stupid things i've done
my mistakes
my accomplishments
the good
the bad
the significant
how i was loved

and then try to forget,
but fail.

and then jump

and hear the simple song still playing in my head as i fall
cutting through the atmosphere
hear it through the wind screaming in my ear.

and

over

over

it will be over

and that

is how i'd enjoy dying.


under the weeping stars

and

grimacing moon

on the cracked,

stained,

littered

sidewalk

with a beautiful song in my mind

and

beautiful faces as well.

What am I scared of?
I'm scared of the dark.
Well not the dark itself,
but what might be lurking in it,
slinking through the shadows waiting to ***** out my life.
What am I scared of?
I'm scared of heights.
Because when I'm standing on the edge, looking into the unknown,
I have the overwhelming urge to jump.  
What am I scared of?
I'm scared of anything dead.
No not death itself, but the chills I get round a corpse.
The feeling of something beside me,
holding on to life.
What am I scared of?
I fear fear itself.
But what do you fear?
That's the real question.
What are you scared of?

There would be one thing
That I would ask
If someone admits
That he truly loves me
"Are you afraid of heights?"

And if he answers
"I'm shy to admit but yes, I am afraid of heights. Why?"

I'll tell him
"Thank you,
Even if you are afraid of falling,
You never hesitate to fall for me.*"

You fear the dark
and I'm scared of heights,
so we stay on the ground
and turn on the lights.

I'm not afraid of heights,
Not deep water, or love
I'm just afraid of falling
To the ground from up above
I'm afraid of sinking downwards
Through the depths of the sea
Or loving with my whole heart
If he doesn't love me

You told me not to be sad
When the rain starts pouring,
I should dance and enjoy
Under the rain.

So that's what I did,
Dancing to the beat of the taps
As the rain falls,
Remembering you.

But you were like the rain,
Just when I'm in the heights of my emotions,
Just when I was falling hard for you,
You stopped, left.

You left me cold and wet,
You know,
You could have been
The arms that wrapped me tight.

Ascending among the brilliant stars,
Varied blue, white, yellow, red;
Distinct and somewhat poignant,
Draped beneath the sky overhead.

Orion unsheaths his weapon,
Ursa major does not roar,
These bears and men who cannot see,
Lend faces to the whispy air as they soar.

Dark clouds, dim lit and hazy,
Among the moon's soft shine,
Each image is reflected,
In the city's humble skyline.

Descending alongside comets,
Hot, burning, coarse rocks,
Break free from godly confines,
And dance among men, stars, and clocks.

How many miles will you-hoo walk?
How many days will you-hoo climb?
How many tears will you-hoo shed?

To get away from-
Such great heights-

Hopefully not as many as me.