This sorrow
this confusion
this loneliness
is no where near ideal

but
      it
         makes
                    the
                          best
                                 poetry.

The same alternative track plays on loop
I haven't gotten that sick of it yet
luckily.

You got sick of me
however
and here I am still stumbling across songs
looking for some sort of answer to why you left

I keep getting stuck on the same one
oddly enough it paints a picture of
well
us
or what used to be us
and then suddenly disappeared.

I am broken
like a scratched record.
I hurt and I stutter and skip and I have no idea where I am or where you went to.

But now you're gone
and
your soundtrack still lingers.

Dear He-Who-Shant-Be-Named,
I'm sorry I'm never good enough for you,
I'm sorry you found someone better,
I'm sorry I didn't have the body you wanted,
I'm sorry I had problems.
I'm sorry I miss you,
I'm sorry I loved you too much.
I'm sorry I didn't see the signs.
I'm sorry I can't move on.
I'm sorry I see you in everyone who passes by.
I'm sorry you were my first and only love.
I'm sorry I couldn't stop saying sorry.

I hate the way,
                         I believed your promises.
I hate the way,
                        you led me to touch
the truth in the words you wrote.

I hate the way I opened
                         my curtains and doors,
letting in the sunshine of you;
breathing in the scent of you.

I hate the reasons
                         of things I don't know,
of things you didn't do,
that left me waiting.

I hate standing here.
Wave-after-wave hitting the shore.
Without sight of you,
                         anywhere on the horizon.

I hate that there's no way
to pull closed my doors.
And forget you.
                       Like you forgot me.

I will always be in love with him.
As jealousy takes him away,
and my words make no difference to his stubbornness,
I will always be in love with him.

So, cut me open,
and sew me shut.
For all this time,
was nothing but a bittersweet waste.

The time will go by,
and memories will be pictured of another lifetime.
As the happiness drains away,
and sadness takes my heart.

He could always be mad,
for all of our life,
over one idiotic reason,
brought on by assumptions.

All of my life,
you have been my love.
And for the rest,
you will continue to be.

Mai ki garmee
Layee, thodi si, besharmee

Utra, chehre se, naqaab
Khul gaya, bas, dil ka kitaab

Mai ki garmee
Layee, thodi si, besharmee

Daaman se, phisla,  du-patta
Dard hua, kuch khatta, kuch meetha,

Mai ki garmee
Layee, thodi si, besharmee

Labon se saaf, hui jo laali
Dil mein, machi, bas khal bali

Mai ki garmee
Layee, thodi si, besharmee

They not understanding, I see glimpses of death.
I keep telling y'all I'm not right, but i guess y'all are deaf.
My last straw been plucked, holding to sanity by a stitch.
Im on my last leg, but i feel I'm 'bout to slip.

Body bags and blood splatters, those pictures flash in when i blink.
I'm laughing at the pain i feel until i can't think.
From the outside I'm ok, on the instide I'm wrecked.
I'm like building with bad foundation, i need to be checked.

I feel that point is coming, when the me y'all know disappears.
When my heart and soul welcomes the darkness, the hate, my fears.
When nothing will reach me, when I'll forget the word calm.
When my last tick, ticks and i explode like a bomb.

It was definitely winter time as I trotted thru a foot of snow
My eyes were locked onto the sky;
my self-esteem was low
& yet I made it thru the field where daffodils once swayed
The Cottage laid 100 yards before me in mid-day
It's shutters had all fallen off, & only one remained
It's door was busted, rusted--all swallowed in decay
& yet I forced my entrance & stood  in the disarray  
(The fact of the matter is, I liked it better this way...)
The arms of the rocking chair were worn down to the bone
As pots & pans & tupperware were splashed around the home
At least a home it used to be but that was long ago....  
It seems it's one-time owner was knocked far from his thrown...
The windows were all busted out by rocks that laid the ground
The frost had overtook the place by more than heaps & bounds
It was obvious there'd been no visitors for more than many years
The less than freezing temperatures had made this crystal clear
& as I stood there shivering, thinking of the day
When this sight that laid before me was filled with sun & play
The Cottage was so perfectly constructed in this way
Children had once filled the field where daffodils once swayed
& now I had returned to complete my mission from the start
The plan, unfolding perfectly--The destruction of my heart.

You talk of loneliness so frequent in your speech,
You talk of loneliness as if it's company, you beseech.
You say you search for light & truth
Integrity--it grounds your roots
You rarely talk but when you do,
It's loneliness that torments you?
It occurs to me that you are blind!
I will not rest until you're mine!

But wait...

Your heart is one I've seen before
So fragile & vacant at its core...
I couldn't live with that bloodshed on my hands
(Yet, that hasn't stopped me with any other man)
But your's is one I will respect
So, from the shadows I will protect!
I'll be your angel in disguise
No one will harm you; They'll be denied!

A saddened day with us apart
Tis better this way--to guard your heart!
You are my God, my Love, One Soul!
Do not fear, my Dear, you're never alone!