silly girl. what were you thinking? going out into the storm like that? i could've lost you. i don't wan t to lose you. don't get lost, i need you. stupid girl you never use your head. you're always lost in there. how could you forget where the horizon was? it's always here. please don't walk out into the ocean like that. it isn't your friend. it won't protect you. i will. i always do.

Awaking from my self-induced daze
I wasn’t careful
Too much wine
Not enough food
Not enough water
And to my stupid surprise
My head aches
I feel ill
I just want to lay in bed
Part of me is begging not to do it again
But another is begging for more

beneath the
violet skies
headache
headily
headlong
heading
to you

–as if it was today–
do not say
a word
again
never

disclosure.
as the first sight
disclose yourself
to me

you were my night
and now
testimonying the sun
somewhere else

My jaw aches after I cry.

I thought it was a genetic thing.
But my mom made me realize I’m actually clenching it.

It’s weird how you hurt yourself without even noticing.

there are some days when it's the headache and you, not you and the headache.

just pound after pound, the core of your brain. the beat you never intended to dance to. and look at us, puppets.

like a ball on a string, our heads rattling around, unaware that heads don't rattle.

trying to push away the push of pain through pills that we pop to pop this pressure point.

but figuring out where to place the pin is the pause.

you don't want to make it worse, but if you can't make it better, best to just...not.

how do normal people function? what is this magical nirvana of blissful calm state? how does one close their eyes and sleep?

when headache likes to play, you can only hope they don't pull the string too hard.

I'm sweating and shaking
I don't know why,
my mind is quaking,
I'm too scared to try

My chest feels tight,
my legs are weak,
Too lost to fight,
too frightened to speak.

The noise, it drowns
the voices that are near
My head, it pounds
there's a ringing in my ear

The moment passes,
when I see my friend,
"We love you,"
"You don't need to pretend"

I tried to be quiet,
but the less I spoke,
the less I heard,
the less I watched
in the external world,
the louder it all became.
My head pounding
with thoughts
I’d long ago forgotten.
They thudded and clunked
around my head
until I thought
I might go deaf.

Silence is the loudest
noise I’ve ever heard.