Why would you expect us to write you pretty poetry
When you reject our every tear?
You tell us "Shut up and bleed" when we're in pain,
"Come back to us when we can use you again",
"We feel good and gloating about all the great we've done",
While the other half rots alone.
You want more words, if you can benefit.
If not, you'll say your hate for us is love
And we should cheer up, shut up
And be happy, for You.
After all, you're so loving -
Why wouldn't we be?

Stemming from an old familiar place
I plead insanity but not my case,
with red tinted sunglasses covering my face,
failing at trying to hide my shame.
With an abundance of up but lacking down
I’ve searched every street within this town,
I’ll rediscover peace but forget my own name.
I really need it, I’ve got to treat it
again.

No one could survive this,
I’ve got no touch like Midas,
and those same demons are at my door,
the one’s who let themselves in before.
No one could survive this,
I’ve got no will to fight it.
Why waste the strength holding it at bay,
when I can mimic that strength another day, even for show.

Step into character and out of skin,
showcase on the nose but I can’t seem to win.
I have no interest in their flashy jackpot prize,
It’s lacking clear blue skies and her warm eyes,
but I’ll shake hands and force another empty grin.
I really need it, but it’s not greed
it’s pretend.

No one could survive this,
blatant weakness but I hide it,
I’m a lone black sheep among the cattle,
even Peter Pan despised his shadow.
No one could survive this,
a DNR with a revive list,
and no one wants to leave but they never stay,
there’s no direction but they continue on their way, where do they go?

Do you really need this,
I’m willing to bleed for bliss
and transcend.
Do you really need this,
how often will you read this
till you wend?
Do you really need this,
or do you just want to believe this
will end?

I try to defy my mental block,
I scrape my head,
becoming harsher on myself
as I force emotions to be penned
into words.
But all what comes is
incoherent, inadequate,
dots and strokes.

The words are fleeting,
they've lost their meaning.
Out of synch,
out of thought,
out of ink.

Writer's block,
is where I sink.

For you,


my love is as endless as the deepest blue

shrouded in mystery, exploding with a force

strong enough:

To shatter steel
To erode stone
To birth life.

My love,

softer than the rays of sunlight fluttering
as orange specks underneath your eyelids
kissing your pupils with their delicate touch
Embracing the liquid of your orbs with a citrusy warmth

Showering you with the joy
Of a thousand torn dandelions
Smiling down at you
In the distance

Distance.

A funny concept.

A million loving words
spoken back and forth,
a thousand steps
taken towards the same direction
A billion I love yous
Over and over again.


Yet,

we are still distant.

Still distant,

because my love is an ever consuming bonfire

Where close
could never be close enough.


Where I can wrap you in my flames
lure you in with my warmth
provide you with a hearth

for as long as you want.
Or as long as you can stand.


Until your skin burns

And my love scathes

With the rage of a million rays of sunlight.

I buried one friend last August,
I buried another one last month,
For a year I’ve struggled to help another friend over come addition and failed,
Another person: who kept me sane through my wild teenage years, buried his girlfriend recently, and in turn he buried his feelings with drugs and alcohol, we celebrated his one year of sobriety only a few months ago, no one ever mentioned how morbid your 20’s could be.

So inclusion I think pharmaceutical company’s should have to include “ heartbreak” on their labels, as a side effect too opioids.