I am embracing the visiting pain that dresses in different shapes.This time I know not to avoid it, as it’s here to make me stronger.It’s  here to teach me and it’s here to prepare me for what’s next.We are not supposed to be happy every moment, how would we  know empathy?
Pain, pain I’m here to stay
Teach me something everyday
Pain taught me to be grateful
Pain taught me to be soulful
Of course, always be wise and always be safe
Never stop and always your dreams you should chase
It’s always calm after the storm, after rain
In my cocoon I’m never afraid of the pain
Pain, pain I’m here to stay
Teach me something everyday

You were uncomfortable in the car. Mentally, and then physically. Your thoughts and stomach churning, your throat tight. Your body yearning to expel what you'd consumed. But nothing more than 30 minutes of discomfort, that's all. You laughed through it, comforted a friend. You sat with discomfort and then turned the page. Onto the next...

You smiled a lot. You bounded up boulders, sure of your footing. Or rather, never unsure of your footing. You moved in a pack and then alone on your own path. The rocks were beautiful up close, swirling and sparkling, embedded with coral and shells. The people around you made you happy and the sun made you happy, in that pool of warmth on top of the rocks. You wanted music, but when it was not there, the sound of silence was beautiful too. Or the sound of the desert, which is not exactly silent but something close.

The sight of the world kept hitting you in the chest. Literally breathtaking. And each time a new wave of gratitude would hit, but also some sadness. Why would you EVER give up your lucky existence in this beautiful place? What stupid, surface-level **** would make you want to do that?

Your friends needed you at one point, and you realized how much you meant to them and they to you. Ali crying broke your heart. You couldn't stand the thought of any one of them feeling alone. You thought and said, "We're all alone together," which is a cheesy line from a song that rang especially true. As scary as it is to be alone, we're all here together, separately, but to support one another.

You sat in a huddle on the edge of the world with people you loved so dearly and laughed and hugged and cried and realized the rest is just *******.

And you thought maybe all that matters is doing it all before you die and love, and maybe love is God.

Everyone reconvened and walked down a path in a big clumpy line through massive rocks and Dr. Seuss trees with music echoing through the canyon. We stopped and danced and took our shoes off in solidarity with Ruby. It was cold, but I don't think anyone was ready to leave, despite being 20 feet from the parking lot. So we danced barefoot till the sun disappeared.

Be grateful, love, and all the rest is *******.

-
I'm grateful for my depression
It taught me compassion
It taught me how to write poetry with a passion
It taught me life is not all sunshine and roses
And in order to heal
You have to let pain run its course
-
I'm grateful for my anxiety
It taught me to overthink things
And that the first decision
Is not always the best decision
It taught me how to draw conclusions
Although to some people it might cause confusion
-
I'm grateful for the voices in my head
Although they keep me awake at night
Whenever I'm down
They motivate me to get back up and fight
-
Accept who you are and be grateful
There's no one else like you so be graceful
Everyday is a gift so be thankful
Better days are coming so be fateful
-
Lowkie®

When I scroll down
And look at my older poems,
I wonder,
I wrote these?

You wish for the good hours
When the sun wasn’t so eager to run away
But they’ll come again
When the daylight breaks through dawn

And you are granted another day