You were uncomfortable in the car. Mentally, and then physically. Your thoughts and stomach churning, your throat tight. Your body yearning to expel what you'd consumed. But nothing more than 30 minutes of discomfort, that's all. You laughed through it, comforted a friend. You sat with discomfort and then turned the page. Onto the next...

You smiled a lot. You bounded up boulders, sure of your footing. Or rather, never unsure of your footing. You moved in a pack and then alone on your own path. The rocks were beautiful up close, swirling and sparkling, embedded with coral and shells. The people around you made you happy and the sun made you happy, in that pool of warmth on top of the rocks. You wanted music, but when it was not there, the sound of silence was beautiful too. Or the sound of the desert, which is not exactly silent but something close.

The sight of the world kept hitting you in the chest. Literally breathtaking. And each time a new wave of gratitude would hit, but also some sadness. Why would you EVER give up your lucky existence in this beautiful place? What stupid, surface-level **** would make you want to do that?

Your friends needed you at one point, and you realized how much you meant to them and they to you. Ali crying broke your heart. You couldn't stand the thought of any one of them feeling alone. You thought and said, "We're all alone together," which is a cheesy line from a song that rang especially true. As scary as it is to be alone, we're all here together, separately, but to support one another.

You sat in a huddle on the edge of the world with people you loved so dearly and laughed and hugged and cried and realized the rest is just *******.

And you thought maybe all that matters is doing it all before you die and love, and maybe love is God.

Everyone reconvened and walked down a path in a big clumpy line through massive rocks and Dr. Seuss trees with music echoing through the canyon. We stopped and danced and took our shoes off in solidarity with Ruby. It was cold, but I don't think anyone was ready to leave, despite being 20 feet from the parking lot. So we danced barefoot till the sun disappeared.

Be grateful, love, and all the rest is *******.

-
I'm grateful for my depression
It taught me compassion
It taught me how to write poetry with a passion
It taught me life is not all sunshine and roses
And in order to heal
You have to let pain run its course
-
I'm grateful for my anxiety
It taught me to overthink things
And that the first decision
Is not always the best decision
It taught me how to draw conclusions
Although to some people it might cause confusion
-
I'm grateful for the voices in my head
Although they keep me awake at night
Whenever I'm down
They motivate me to get back up and fight
-
Accept who you are and be grateful
There's no one else like you so be graceful
Everyday is a gift so be thankful
Better days are coming so be fateful
-
Lowkie®

When I scroll down
And look at my older poems,
I wonder,
I wrote these?

You wish for the good hours
When the sun wasn’t so eager to run away
But they’ll come again
When the daylight breaks through dawn

And you are granted another day

I’m grateful for the
calm winds of stoicism
exhaling from you.

Please
I say.

Please don't go,
            I beg my grandmother
        when her breath wavers
                   and her milky eyes
                                land on me.
Please don't tell them,
                   I cry to my teacher
                when she caught me
                  smoking a cigarette
              on the empty rooftop.
Please don't break my heart,
                     I whimper to him
                       when he cradles
                               my wet face
                               in his hands
              which feels like home.      

Thank you
I say.

Thank you for coming,
                    I greet the visitors
                        dressed in black
                  when they whisper
         and peer at my dry eyes.
Thank you for everything,
                       I tell my parents
                    when they left me
            at the boarding school.
Thank you for the gift,
                         I smiled at him
                     when he gave me
                           pearl earrings
                                     to adorn
                  my unpierced ears.

Of course,
        Please and Thank you
can be
                            beautiful too.

Please
I say

Please keep him safe,
                        I plead to God
            when my brother left
                     to join the navy.
Please come again,
I called out to the customers
              when they stroll out
               of my bustling café.
Please buy me ice cream,
                     I grinned at him
               when he waved me
                                  goodbye
                      ­   over the fence.

Thank you
I say.

Thank you my dear,
     I chuckled at the little girl
           who said I looked like
                                       a fairy
            in my wedding dress.
Thank you for the surprise,
  I cried with my best friends
       when they bounced into
                                 my home
                             with pots of
                          birthday food
                      made with love.
Thank you for life,
        I whispered to the trees,
                              flowers,
                   ­      sun,
                    chocolates,
               myself.

They are manners,
but they are also much more.
     tell someone
          please
    and thank you

today.