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I fall in love a thousand times a day
Never really knowing what that word even means
But spouting it out to every set of eyes that meets mine
Lying to myself
and always trying too hard
to shine

I've been broken since the start
I wasn't really built quite right
With a head too big for my body
And a heart that bleeds out, inside
Dripping down into my toes
And keeping me awake, at night

I've been told the truth before
About how I'm all washed up
Letting my addictions control my every breath
And never being
quite strong enough

I never wanted to let it get this far
But here I am
not knowing what to do
Or where to go
Or what to think
I don't even know when I should or shouldn't blink
I'm always afraid I'll wake up
only to realize
that I missed one of the few important parts
of my life
Arlo Disarray Mar 2018
my thoughts have spun
a web inside my brain
gluing everything together into a sticky jumble

i must confess, i don't know how to say the rest
i don't know how to pass this test,
but i do my best to seek the answers out of this mess

i spend every moment counting,
adding up numbers,
thinking,
calculating,
and wondering

too much wraps itself around my mind
and i can't feel the brain
inside my skull, anymore
it has grown numb
and dumb
and useless
Arlo Disarray Mar 2018
the moon and sun
blend into one
and i realize,
that once again,
i've had too much to drink

i just can't seem to get it right
always ******* up one thing
or another

always stuck with too many thoughts to think

but i do my best to forget

i don't want to keep living
if all i feel is regret

and i don't know if i'm good for much more

i'm not here to impress, i'm just here to ignore
Arlo Disarray Mar 2018
it all falls to ash
and spreads across my feet
painting my toes
each in different shades of grey

i lost count of all the minutes i wasted
daydreaming about boys
living some sort of played out fantasy in my head
about love
and a man
and a family

my life is a terrible joke
i don't find it funny,
but there's just no way
any of this can be real

this old heart of mine
is beating more slowly every day
shaving minutes off my hours
and slicing months off of my years

i'm not sure i can even find my face
underneath the tears

i only wish i didn't regret
so much of what i've done
Arlo Disarray Feb 2018
The odds of me taking my own life one day, that's a bet I would definitely take. It might not be for a while. It could be years and years down the road, when I'm old and grey. When the skin sags low beneath my bones, and my teeth are not even teeth anymore.

It could be today. It could be tomorrow. It could be next month, next year. It could be any time.

It could happen when I have been weakened to a point of breaking at the slightest touch.

It could be because I need that sense of control, and knowing it's the only thing in my life I actually can take charge of.

It could be that I lose all sense of importance, and realize I have no more purpose here on this spinning ball of dirt.

It could be anything. Any time.

But I'm sure it'll happen, one day.
Arlo Disarray Jan 2018
A brick road laid in front of me,
one slab at a time
I took a step along the path
to see what I could find

A scarecrow cried out for help,
sounded like he was in pain
I asked him what he needed
and he expressed to me,
"a brain."

So I sliced my forehead carefully,
and took mine from my skull
I placed it in his head and said,
"there, now your mind is full."

He thanked me as I wandered on
to find another friend
I met a lion on the bricks
whose life was at its end

He was afraid of everything,
and he was so discouraged
So I reached into my gut
and I gave him all my courage

He smiled and waved
as I left
to give someone else a hand
And I heard the cries of sadness
from a rusted, old tin man

I asked him what he needed and he wailed out,
"a heart!"
So I pulled myself open and tore my ribs and chest apart

Now that I am empty,
I'm dumb, scared, and alone
All that I can think is,
"there is no place like home."
Arlo Disarray Jan 2018
the first song for my album.

Link in notes.

Maybe I should know that
time is gettin' harder
to bear
But I don't
remember
where I've been

Maybe we were younger
Maybe we were older than
the ones
we thought
we loved
back then

And maybe you remember?
We were rolling down
a grassy hill,
out in
the summer sun

Maybe I forgot it...
Maybe I just stored it away,
to keep
it safe from everyone
To keep it safe from me

Maybe...
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BzZPhtjsCsu-OHM0U19pYVdKMjRhaXFSRnhjM0c4QTk4M2M0/view?usp=drivesdk
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