it's not fair
i'm still here and you're no longer there
the gold streaks have faded from my hair
life goes on but it's just our cross to bear

i'm sorry
i didn't get to tell you more
i'm sorry
i had to ever shut that door

wish i could've heard your demons
wish i could've seen the signs
even after all these years
i still focus on the good times

dude,
popping counterfeit percocet
you don't even see the trouble that you're in yet
the high lasts forever, you never come down
i guess we all learned our lessons by now

you're lost in the past, and so am i
waiting for the hour hand to tick on by

you got off early, i'm still on for the ride

One by one
the list gets longer.
Promises of friendship
turn into nothing more than tourism.
The word "goodbye"
has built a permanent home
On the tip of my tongue.
But despite the familiarity,
It still leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth.
Will it always be like this?

For so long
I’ve made plans and spoken of my future
With no intention of getting there.
How nice it is to be reminded sometimes
That life is a beautiful thing
And still worth living

Do you remember how you said…
You forget that you have friends,
Because you feel so lonely?
I understand you. I was too afraid to say it,
But I really, really do.

But maybe those aren't always the friends
worth remembering.

There is something amiss,

Even though it’s all fine.

An unknown perturbation

Occupying a corner of mind.


I don’t intend to,

But think I must do;

In such thoughts so lost

In this night of the noon.


There are a lot to speak with,

Only a few to talk;

And of them who do,

Hardly lead to some resolve.


With each new revelation,

Intricacy multiplies,

And it’s harder to tell

What on the next step lies.


I don’t know if I’m right

And doubt that I’m wrong.

Surely there’s a need

Of someone to stay along.

I'm not going to tell all my friends I'm suicidal
and I'm not going to send three texts to every contact I have every day

I don't need to make plans with them
I'm fine with the socialization I get from school

I'm not suicidal because of things at school
my problems stem from home

Dad is almost never home
just because his job makes him have to work far away doesn't mean he can't call

Meena needs to get off my ***
every single tiny ******* thing she feels the need to point out
and not to mention the fat shaming

And just because Lali has ADHD doesn't mean she can be a *****
she can't tell me nobody likes me and I have no friends because she's angry
I'm no psychologist
but I don't think ADHD works like that

And you need to get off my *** when it comes to grades
I made it into the school musical
I have a pretty big role
And band
I might ask for a solo
but you wouldn't care about my intrests would you
no... all it is is school, school, school, and grades with you

and maybe
yeah
most of my friends from my favorite friend group are going through a tough time
but you know what
I get more support there
than I do at home

so no
I'm not lonely
i'm... neglected, I guess

Now I’m ashamed
To open my mouth
Cause I fear you may not like
what will come out

Put the black ink into your glass
It turned blunt, sorry I don’t want to
Sound like a haggard girl, who went through a lot of stuff

I see the old me in you
But something made me change or break down
Cause I used to have the same mindset you have
Until I faced the realm

You’re too kind, you’re too wise
I think you’re too good to trust
I hate to be this way, but I’m like
What have I been doing this whole time?

Cause I could be all of the things, and I’m none
I did not get anywhere near my goal
Heart’s getting heavy to speak
I wish I could delete the scene

But I wonder if I’m ever right
To doubt the power of light
Cause having sun shining to everyone
I’ll find a cloud to cover the bright

People are the strangest things
This world has ever seen.
Complicated to a fault,
More than any other living being.
Think of relationships,
The way people act towards each other,
Whether platonic or romantic,
Still so complicated.

I often wonder,
What makes a friend?
So I’ve compiled a list of attributes,
I’d consider favorable.
In an attempt,
To answer this question.

A friend should be someone who cares for you,
Someone who is mutually interested in you,
Who you are, and what you do,
And long to see you grow.
A friend should understand you,
And not judge, but be compassionate.
Is that too much to ask?
A friend should love you unconditionally,
Not necessarily romantically,
For just being you.

A friend shouldn’t make you feel ignored,
Alone, or insignificant.
Friendships shouldn’t tear at the slightest push of buttons,
Of events that occurred,
Years and years ago.
Friends shouldn’t say crude things that they know aren’t true,
To demean, or hurt,
The ones they’re supposed to care about.
A friend shouldn’t use or abuse,
Physically or emotionally,
That’s for enemies.

I watch people socialize,
Mainly the ones who are considered “popular” in my eyes.
I wonder,
What do they have that I’m missing?
I see them laugh, and smile with their friends,
And wonder,
Do they care about me like this?
Is there something wrong with me?
Did I do something wrong?
How did things change so quickly?
Was it something I didn’t see?

Watching the ship burn to the waters.
The captain doesn't run away.
The ones that made me laugh,
The ones I missed over summer vacation.
Did they ever think of me?
The ones I never fitted in with,
Things never clicked.
I always felt awkward and out of place.
Am I just overthinking?
Did all this time mean anything at all?
Was it a waste,
Was it a loss?
Did we ever form a connection,
Or was it just superstition?

My mother told me that throughout high school,
She didn’t really have any friends at all.
I don’t know how she made it,
If it was me,
I know I wouldn’t.
I would feel too alone.
Though looking at it,
Perhaps I’m in the same boat.

I remember a friend I had back in first grade.
The thing that makes him so memorable to me,
Is the fact that he would lie to my face,
So effortlessly,
And I partly believed,
Thank goodness he left by second grade.

If you’ve read “My Former Friend,”
You know about a relationship,
I relished when it ended.
It wasn’t a friendship,
But a parasitic relationship.
So much discontentment,
So much resentment.
The past is the past so it’s time to move past.
If there’s anything I learned of value,
Is that some people abuse for their own benefit,
A lesson I’d have to learn at some point.

I sense a sense of strain amongst my friends.
Things feel more awkward than they ever have before.
Two and a half more years to go.
Would I change some things, if I could do it all again?
Yes.
Could things be worse than what I’m currently experiencing?
Yes.
Does that make it any easier?
No.

It’s hard watching a good thing come to an end,
Especially when it was a large fraction of your childhood.
But naivete is gone,
I’ll see it like it is,
Whether I like it or not,
It’s a sinking ship.
I’ll enjoy what time I have left,
And ride it out till the end.

A friend shouldn’t run away,
And leave you behind,
Without a warning,
Or something to clear your mind.
Just tell me that we’re done,
That you’ve moved on,
So I can move on.

Here we are,
2025.
Feels weird to say,
But it’s here to stay.
Looking at the bigger picture,
I see,
That I don’t think a single person gets me.
Perhaps, I set my expectations too high,
Perhaps frivolous tomfoolery is the norm.
I’m more of the “get things done” kind of guy.
Perhaps, I’m too hard to get to know,
Perhaps, the journey’s not worth the reward.
All people see is a character that’s mundane,
Yet hidden in the pages,
Is a creative brain,
That, to most people,
Won’t see the light of day.
I think there’s one,
Maybe two,
That’s it.
The rest I’m not sure about,
They have their friends, who occupy their time.
Yet, it’s not that I don’t want to know them,
It’s that I’m scared,
To be rejected,
In the gutter.
So, like my mother did,
All those years ago,
I’ll sit back,
And watch the world turn,
On my own.
And wonder,
If out there,
Somewhere,
There’s people who’ll care for me,
The way I wish they would.
According to probability,
It’s nearly a statistical certainty.

A friend should make you feel heard,
And loved.
So that you don’t have to write a long poem,
About what you long for.