Are you there?

Do you feel better off without me?
If you could see me you'd know I'm not..

I wonder if maybe you miss me but your pride is stopping you?
If that's the case I forgive you.

I want you here with me..

I miss your lips on mine, I miss your smell.
Your contagious laugh.

Please call me to say it was just a nightmare,
can you do that for me?

With what can I forgive?
When no matter how many times I blink,
My tears refuse to leave,
When no matter how big of a breath I take,
My lungs continue to wheeze,
When no matter how fast I run,
My heart fails to beat.

I wanna end this day, letting go my feelings for you,
I wanna start the new day with a free heart and mind.

I wanna end this day listening to the song I dedicate for you,
I wanna start the new day with a happy song for myself.

I wanna end this day remembering the things that reminds me of you,

I wanna start the new day forgetting that I love you.

I will because I can, I can't because I do not want.

I will end this day leaving the memories of you
because I can start the new day creating good memories
without you.

I remember a time when I wasn't happy.
I would torture myself for it because I believed that it was my fault.
I would look down at myself like I deserved to bleed.
Like I deserved this pain.

Now,
I'm still not happy.
And it's still my fault.
And I still torture myself for it.
But instead of making my pain appear on my arms,
it only appears in my head.

Have you ever thought about that?
Have you ever thought about how you have no clue what that kid across the table goes to sleep thinking about?
I'm not sure about you,
but I don't have a single friend,
of which I've known long enough to tell what I lie awake thinking about.

It is shameful that I am having these emotional breakdowns almost every night,
but my own mother doesn't even notice.

It is shameful that instead of asking me what it wrong,
the person who should love me unconditionally,
lectures me because I didn't apologize for something I should have.

I'M SORRY.

...all I can say,
is that...I am tired of living this lie.
I am tired of living with a mask on my face.

It is shameful that the human race can't think with empathy instead of thinking about what they're going to say next.

Now, look at what I just said.
I didn't say whites,
I didn't say blacks,
Mexicans,
Asians,
Chinese,
Korean,
Filipino,
Arabic,
Jewi­sh,
Spanish,
Puerto Rican,
I didn't say any of those terms.
I said,
"Human Race".
I leave that with you to think about.

i don't know
if i can
forgive you.
after all of this
heartbreak,
i am still
broken.
and you are
new.
you cannot
fix what is
broken.
you cannot fix me.
you have scarred me.
ruined me.
manipulated me.
i don't know if
i am capable of
forgiving you.

Forgive me
When I ask with fervour but thank with naught
Forgive me
When I praise the action but ignore the thought
Forgive me
When I cry out for help but not for joy
Forgive me
When I use words to tear down and to destroy
Forgive me
When I remember the hardship but forget my reward
Forgive me
When I pray prince of peace but live by the sword
Forgive me
When I shrink from death but forget to live
Forgive me
When I'm quick to anger but slow to forgive
Forgive me God

flip the script,
try again.
don't condemn.
try your best to make amends.

I knelt to a tile floor,
of a busy mall,
I was working at a table,
I looked down and saw your head with
long black hair fall.
You put your head in my lap
you broke down and cried,
I remember you rejected me
but this is how I replied.
You had tears down your face
I held you in my arms,
I called you ‘Superman’,
you cried and later felt
my warmth.

My eyes opened wide,
the sun was out,
I was alone in my bed and my room was quiet,
It was just a dream, I felt a tear and a pout.
I was reminded that in reality you are gone and away,
I dreamed you were crying, and the dream said you would
stay.

You don’t have to, it’s fine, just live your life
how you need.
I will always remember your timeline,
and how I did wonder if you would come to me
with greed.
I called you ‘Superman’ in my dream,
though that must be the one thing that was real.
You have come so far,
that name I call you is truth no steal.

You may be gone but I still have immense respect for
you and your life.
You have come so far, you are a ‘Superman’,
continue with your dignity and drive.
I consoled you as you cried in a dream
I pray will someday prove my clairvoyance
and therefore come
alive.