The walls of stone staggered,
as those innocent looking eyes
sought an entry
into my inner world.
If a brick was dislodged,
the whole fence fell.
If a spring flower blossomed
out of an icy condition.
“Pluck it out, stomp on it.”
The manner in which he spoke,
its softness, its kindness a ruse.
Walls of stone crumbled.
Ice dissipated into mist.

Closed my eyes, my ears,
and shut out all my senses.
He reached out,
brought me a bouquet of spring flowers,
and a rhythm of the seasons.
A man like that was worth a chance.

I do this weird thing.
It’s uncomfortable.
My body doesn’t feel like it’s mine,
And my mind shoots blanks.

It happens when I put the men first.

I asked my friend about it —
She’s his wife now.
Makes him his protein shake
And begs him to do the dishes.
She says, “It’s not weird.”

I asked my mother,
While she packed a lunchbox,
Sweat down her back,
Her hair thinning.
She says she’s comfortable.

I asked my little sister —
She’s finally tall enough for the roller coaster.
She sent a Snapchat and waited.
She sent another one.
This time her blouse came down.
She says she loves her body.

Finally,
I looked in the mirror —
The same kind Sylvia Plath had.
I saw a worried girl.
Scared of liking him more than she should.
Imagining a ring on her hand.
Praying
That he doesn’t hurt her.

Just a little too much
to overfill a glass,
not quite enough
to fill up the pitcher.

Dripping down the sides,
an ever-messy lover,
yet spiraling in panic
when I’m spilt on the floor.

Whether the rain revives me,
or the sun dries me up—
I don’t fit anywhere
I want to.

supposedly a mature
well-put-together
functioning adult
who has travelled
both up and
down escalators
     of all sizes
countless times
throughout his life
there will always be
a fleeting moment
a child-like panic
as he shuffles onto
the grinning maw
of those toothy steps
still experiencing
that lingering
sense of unease
he would get
while younger
climbing or descending
dragged along
by driven parents
or rushing onwards
to keep pace with
assured friends

in that split second
before sole
and metal conjoin
overwhelmed by
the constant shifting
of this unwelcoming
corrugated tread
with calculations of
when and where
to place his feet
in time with
the ever-moving
conveyor of steps
frozen momentarily
with the thought
that he might
miss his footing
trip and fall
even though
deep down he knows
he has managed this
innumerable
times before