I am scared for my sister
And I am scared for my brother
The world isn't kind and we hurt one another

I am scared for my brother
And I am scared for my sister
Scared since the first time that someone dismissed her

I am scared for my sister
And I am scared for my brother
That some will teach him not to respect our mother

I am scared for my brother
And I am scared for my sister
Scared that I will not trust those who have kissed her

I am scared for my sister
And I am scared for my brother
I want them to be safer than many of the others

I am scared for my brother
And I am scared for my sister

I am scared for them both, I think we all know why
But I am making this oath, I will NOT just stand by

The pool is the gate

through which you can escape, if --


you are not afraid.

“They tell me to fear the homeless in LA but I do not. They say women alone at night should not be out, but I have my dogs, and we frequent empty parks after dark, side-by-side with encampments, and we watch (my dogs and I) the homeless cart their belongs by. Well, my dog barks.

They hand me giant jugs over chin-high fences, to ask if I would fill them; their freshest water exists from a dog park spout. Last week I saw a man struggling to press a cardboard slat into the grate of an open sewage pipe, his secret resting place. About a month before, a man with all his worldly belongings strewn along the plastic floor of a porta-***** so smeared in ****t, you’d not dare touch a square inch. Rain was pouring, and he needed to sleep with a roof.

And I think, I am not so different from them. Me, with my white skin and pretty smile; people treat you nicer when you’re pretty. When you can put a face on and say straight-sounding things, and not speak of months spent living in your car, sleeping on street-sides, praying for no cops. Or of deep pain——no, do not speak of that. Too much pain makes people afraid, makes people want to look away. How no one noticed the man hiding his face in the sewage drain, the man sleeping in the ****t-smeared porta-toilet,   because   every   person   noticed,   and   just   decided   not   to   look.

and I think about      how many false narratives are propagated by fear——“

There's the wait,
That constant ache,
Moving forward through
The gate,
Your hand in mine,
Let time unwind,
As long as I'm with you
All that's left is the climb--

Up the steps, one by one,
Screams are heard,
the nerves have begun--
But you look at me
and squeeze my hand
I'll try not to make you have
to catch me
Because with that look--
I can barely stand.

You liquefy my core
and it radiates like
the waves of screams
like the parabolas
All stuck together
Laid with track
It's our turn soon.

The turnstiles whir
My stomach stirs,
We both have palms
slick with sweat
But we're here.
We're on this adventure
Together.

So our held hands
Lead us past the back,
Past the middle,
The front seats.
The very front seats.
The first to fall.
And we sit.
And I lean into you
with tears in my eyes
from fear and excitement
and feverish, crazy love
and those clicks start
and the carts budge
Forward
And Forward Again.

And by the time we're
At
The
Top---
There is this feeling of teetering
On the
Edge
Of the Abyss
And you're staring at the only
THING
You can stare at and it isn't
DOWN
It's each other. It's
taking solace
in the ultimate fact
that even in our fear
attempting to face it
Together
we're impenetrable.

Our screams
Are of joy
and excitement
and love
and adventure
and life.

And then it rolls
to a stop,
The air break hiss,
looking at each other
with smirks
and knowing
we're getting
Right back in that **** line
and Going Again.

Don’t leave me alone
I can’t even feel my heartbeat anymore.
I see it in your eyes, the hesitation,
But please, don’t go. I’m slipping, panicking.

I know you need something I can’t give,
Something buried too deep to reach.
You turn away, reluctant to look,
Afraid of what you’ll see in me.

I sink to my knees, too tired to fight,
Sleep won’t come, but death is near.
He stands at my door, key in hand,
Waiting. patient. certain.

Fear wraps me in riddles,
But I know I’m still here,
Still grasping for one last moment
Just for tonight, will you hold my hand?

One last time, whisper your goodbyes.

I stand helpless in

the lake, where is the vulture --


that will rescue me?

the question of what I'm afraid of haunts me....
I will sometimes say the darkness, trying to play it off cool.
or maybe it's deep water, and what lays beneath the muggy depths.
I sometimes think it's fire, how powerful it could be, how quickly it could destroy everything just as you turn away.
I could always say it's weather, how the wind howls so creepily
the way the thunder shakes the earth.
there's a million different things I could say.
but truly if you want to know what keeps me up at night.
it's you....
I'll lay in bed and think about how one day you'll me gone.
how no matter how much I love you, it could never be enough.
I know I'm not the prettiest.
my hair maybe too brown.
I don't have a body like hers.
So I guess there's the truth.
I'm scared of losing you.