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Alice Lovey Jul 2018
The thought of your kiss.
How every day I miss
you and your stupid **** that ******
me off and I remember I
have to stop loving you so I
can stop hurting so bad, but why
can't I get you off my mind
and just spend one ******* evening not feeling left behind?
I feel like I'd,
just to be with you again, die.
Just to see you once I'd
rearrange a sky so I
could sleep soundly without having to cry
myself there. Personify
my optimism, turn a blind eye
and satisfy my tongue-tied
thoughts that just want to find
some peace of ******* mind
away from the "goodbye"
that repeats like a broken record inside.

Love on standby.
Love gone awry.
austin Jul 2018
I remember
when you used to tell me
that I was the one who saved your life
and made you feel alright

I remember
the way we would have such fun
Laughing and enjoying life for
what it should be

I remember
when things were different
Life was so much easier
and friendships never crumbled

Now I'm a zombie walking, hardly human
I've hiked across the no man's land
and I've caught all the bullets
for you and those I love

But today it is different
I recognized the gunner
The finger on the trigger
Is one that belongs to you

After all these years of loving you
I thought that this would be painful
and I heard the blast and felt the shot
but the pain was nonexistent

I can only take so many shots
and still feel the pain behind them
I've walked this road so long,
One more shot is ******* nothing
Alice Lovey Jul 2018
ill
Like children,
Stamped out the flame.
Everything was thrown away.
Every day
Keeping you from yourself.
Every day
Dusting off your shelf.
Worry,
Physically ill.
Living still?
Bored of waiting,
Worn of debating
With rage
And smiles you gave me,
Drowned--
Tears that made a greater sea.
Like Alice out sipping tea.

                      Anger,
                      Anger,
 ­                     Arrogant sneer.
                      Regret,
                      Regret­,
                      Realized fear.

Have a drink.
It's finally over.
Bleed from myself till I'm sober.
Feels like dying.
Mental illness vying
With the little voices
For the better choices.

We lose.
"Failed relationships" and the utter despair following.
Lyn-Purcell Jul 2018
Most            
in care            
honestly              
don't care, not at            
all            
⭐          
f          
r        
o      
m
      ⭐
            w
           h
         a
    t
⭐  
I        
'              
v          
e    
   ⭐
          s
          e
    e
n
⭐    
      




From              
what I've              
seen first hand              
They're  in  it  for              
cash                
⭐              
  t          
h    
e    
y          
⭐                
a                      
r                    
e            
⭐  
        s  
               o
                 ⭐
              o
             b    
       s        
c      
e          
n        
e  
         ⭐


They
hurt my
blood, blaming
HER when THEY are
wrong
⭐    
b        
l              
a            
m      
e
  ⭐
        t
              h
         e
    ⭐
   o    
n    
    e
          ⭐
             w
              h
           o
      ⭐
h  
a        
s      
  ⭐  
        n
            o
               ⭐
             v
         o
    i
  c  
   e
      ⭐

They                                
abuse                              
the weak ones                            
the young ones and                          
old                              
⭐                          
a                
s          
  ⭐        
l      
o            
n              
g          
  ⭐  
         a
         s
  ⭐
t    
h              
e          
y  
       ⭐
                g
                     e
                t  
                  ⭐            
t
h          
e                
i              
r    
       ⭐    
             m
                        o
                       n
                 e
                y      
  ⭐  
t          
h                
e                
y      
  ⭐
               w
                    i
                          l
                         l
                  ⭐
             r
      e    
j      
o          
i        
     c      
          e  
                         ⭐        

                                                                   Love
                                                                    money
                                                                     honestly
                                                                     a    truly   vile
                                                                     root
                                                                           ⭐
                                                                                   t
                                                                                           h
                                                                                                   a
                                                                                                   t
                                                                                               ⭐
                                                                                     i
                                                                              s
                                                                    ⭐
                                                             h
                                                               a
                                                                       r
                                                                                   d  
                                                                                            ⭐
                                                                                                    t
                                                                                                   o
                                                                                            ⭐
                                                                                   k
                                                                            i
                                                                        l
                                                                               l
                                                                                       ⭐
I know, these Lanterns are darker compared to the ones I usually write. Again, these ones hit close to home, and they are specific to MY experience. I, unfortunately, have a relative who is in the hands of the care-system. They're completely vulnerable and I've seen firsthand, how nasty they can be. I witnessed a situation where the so-called carer put their hands on my relative and things...took a really dark turn.
I don't like to think about it. It's just makes me sad and sick that these people are in the business of care for the money.
I know that it's not just my family that the care-system has failed, too.
It's a thorn that's deep in my emotional pain.
*sigh*
Alice Lovey Jun 2018
I know we've never been "together."
I know you said to move on.
I tried to be fine with wading this weather,
But the love in my heart still tells me it's wrong.

Now, I'm not saying I'm resentful,
But you did treat me like I was special.
Lately has been so uneventful.
And I'm starting to think this isn't a game...

I get a little jealous when you look at other girls.
I know we're not together, but... You are my whole world.
I get a little jealous when you talk about them too.
It's because we're not together, but...
You told me that you liked me... You told me that you do.

Now, I'm not trying to be weird, but call me, I'd give you my time.
Actually, I'd give you everything, cuz I just want you to be mine.
When I got too lonely, I'd just stare at your photos--
Soundless replacements for you, who knows.

You said I'm obsessive—come on now, don't play.
You like it when I'm open, you preferred me this way.
You said we'd be great together, don't think I forgot.
I cherish every sweet thing you said, so my heart doesn't rot.

Now I've deleted all of your things, cuz I can't bear to see your face.
My prized possessions... I should've given you space.
Why wouldn't you make me yours, like you wanted to?
Now we're apart, now we'll both just be blue.
And now I regret this—now I really do.
True, I'm a little weird, but we're both crazy.
I know what you're afraid of; I know it isn't me.
austin Apr 2018
is this what it seems like
or is my vision only blurred?
we take a step away from each other
with every painful, stinging word

they say May showers bring April flowers
but there's no sign of life still here
at night I lie awake for hours
the end of us is what I fear

I thought this bleeding heart was invincible
but right now I'm feeling shattered
I think my veins are running empty
you were all that ever mattered
SangAndTranen Mar 2018
I didn't make it.
I'm not good enough.
They don't want me.
As the others crossed the bridge,
The ones I struggled on this journey with,
I fell into a dark pit below.
I screamed for them,
but they couldn't hear me.
I flailed in the darkness,
But they couldn't see me.

However.

I could hear THEM.
Faint voices from above.
'She's gone. Leave her. She failed.'
So much for brothers
Sisters
Family.
So much for 'I'll never leave you behind'
They left me in the void.
An eternal torture.
I have cried
Screamed
Choked on my own disgust.
But none of that is going to bring me back
From this hell.
What do you think this is about? Bc I have no clue haha! *OPEN TO INTERPRETATION*
austin Mar 2018
my monsters are silent
no one hears my screams
these demons are violent
and they conquer me in teams

look into my eyes,
my synthetic smile,
I'll hide what underlies,
crying's not my style

Through the thick I drag these chains
chronic mental pains
Over me my demons reign
misery my veins contain

Through the dust I try to see
the lifeless creature that is me
I'll set fire to these trees
and my life, I will seize
austin Mar 2018
Day by day
the rubber band stretches
more and more,
just a little bit more,
until one day, eventually,
perhaps unexpectedly,
violently,
it breaks.

Day by day,
behind my concrete face, my mind,
my rubber band,
immersed in tension,
drained,
yet saturated with pain

and when I thought no one cared about me
I saw you standing there
and it's all thanks to you
I won't go away today
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