Tell me how does it feel
to be on the flipside of things,
I bet there's joy in every second
So dreamy yet so real.
I've had my share of moments
and I keep reliving them.
The things I pen about,
Look at you actually living them.
Tell me how does it feel
to be on the flipside of things,
I bet there's beauty in every minute,
Every minute as soothing as
when a wind chime rings.
I have my share of beauty
I pen it down every night,
Look at you in this shining armour
posing as her knight.
Tell me how does it feel
to be on the flipside of things,
I bet there's charm in every hour,
Unlike this ordeal.
Often I pen about
how I starve for
these moments and then I
Look at you as the same
moments you devour.

Is there bad-envy and good-envy?
Is bad-envy
when I desire to take away from another person
what brings them joy and happiness?
Is good-envy
when I take clues
from how another person has achieved
joy and happiness
to achieve joy and happiness
for myself?

I wish there was a word beyond “sad”
Because three letters cannot capture
The way my heart breaks and bends every time you enter my mind

I left you
Left you lying on a bed
Cuddled up with our memories.
I left you to go cry
To rock myself to sleep
Clutching our memories.
I left you
I left you whole, yet I was shattered
Broken pieces of self doubt and insecurity.
I left you to go put myself back together,
To try and regain my dignity
To try and feel happy
I left you to try and figure out
how you can both leave me feeling so good
And also so lost.
I left you because you don't want me
Because I can't continue to want you
And I can't continue to care, when you dont.
I left you because I am chasing a ghost
Running after someone that never started the race.
I left you because I knew you'd let me
Let me run out the door,
Drunk as I was, sad as I was, lonely and playing second fiddle as I was.
I left you because your pity makes me sick
Am I as pathetic as I appear?
I left you because I knew you wouldn't call,
I knew you wouldn't text to see if I was ok.
I left because sleep was more important
To you then my slowly breaking heart and mind.
I left you because I am too dramatic
and even still I know this is my fault,
That this played out the way I knew it would.
I left you because I cannot leave myself.

I don't write uplifting words
my poems are  stones I throw at the soaring birds
Because I'm jealous
Yearning to get that high and it makes me rebellious
All I want is a friend
But y'all just pretend
I invite you to a home
Love you just like kin
And what do I get in return
A back stab and a burn
But just wait
Just wait  youll get yo turn
Think one day you'll learn
That what you get is what you earn
What you dish
Is what you fish
What you leave
Is what you receive
Then one day we can try again
You can try to accompany me