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Donald Durham Mar 2018
you are all infinite
you, my children of the night
pagan wanderers on destinies lips
patrons of the streets, lonely, empty, wanting
I seen a generation fall
I seen a generation crumble
and be reborn.
You my midnight sorcerers on deaths hitlist
listless and searching
I seen the dance of a power divide
Ego denied, angry id, broken steps
we walk steps in the open,
we talked talks of confession to the night
it held us, comforted us
We the unwanted zombies
of unheard promises and dysfunctional rational
you are all beautiful
undaunted by the lines
the crooked lines, cut mishapen, disater mishappen
Cheers to my world, my surrounding reality
scared and scarred by tomorrow
My vagabond lies, my homeless truths
You, my enormous, analytical algorythms of disobedience
of disorder, of chaos
Musicians playing perpetual reqiuems
Jazz of the dead, jazz of the wanderer, jazz of the beautiful
Show your hand, yell your claim
stake your play.
concrete mazes, blinding buildings, urban solitute
I have found you, I have seen you,
you poets of denial, poets of disaster
Prose of temptation
Words of lament
Speak to me my children of the perpetual night
My children of music, of poetry, of paintings telling me the broken down minds, the sacrificed
economy of love
I am lost in these streets
I am at home in the unknown
I am nothing but a dream, denied
We are together
all together, here, here and now
Lost together
Crowded solitude
Lets be solidified as one
You, my children are emptied of being full
full of unknown, full of yourselves and filled with *****
Drunken stories of lullabies lost
Pour me another, make it a double. doubled down truth
hit me
Cigarette stained finger tips
Plucked tense strings,
Strings so tense you could feel their vibration
We sit, listening, ears pointed at God,
Waiting to be lulled into compliance
I have seen your cigarette stained
Finger tips
Pluck strings of lament and prophecy
Sing me into your future
Oh beautiful melody
Oh wandering progressions
Telling tales of my transgressions
Oh trusty chords
Lovers speak only lies,
With cigarette gently sleeping between exhausted lips
Let us lie here
Here in this desolate desert moonscape
Forlorn homeless shelter
New antiqued flashood of home
I have seen us staring
Staring into the void,
Into the fullness of emptiness
These are not just dreams
Fevered and sweating out the ingested fungus
They are the dystopian dreams of
Every young adult novel
Of every science fiction, battered, back pocket edition
Dog eared, notes in the margins, yellowed with love, book.
They are the lost bibles of us,
Of our current histories and our future stories.
My friends
Gathered, exuberant, broken and shattered
Passing time on the the stools of inebriation
Come forth and be counted
The artist hang burnt offering from crimson skies
Sacrifices of the soul
Sacrifices of humanity
Exercises of humility
Stand here before me and and be chastised
A public flogging, a private shaming
A social satired informal gathering
Gaining peer reviewed synthetically blended praise
The dab hazed hipsters
Losing time,
faking time,
Cutting lines, sparking fires inside
Lose me in the iridescent, fill me in with acrylic
Wash me out with acid and cry-
Cry over me, cry with me
I am nothing, and we are everything.
This is still a work in progress, I am very proud of it and it does need some editing, so if any one would like to lend me their red pen skills, I'd be much appreciated. Also, like I said it's not done. I desire for this poem to run about 15 minutes.
Donald Durham Mar 2017
I lie here
And my heart is breaking
And my stomach is turning
And you sleep.
You've destroyed my trust
And continuously lied to me
Yet you rest easy.
I can't close my eyes
Because I see what you won't show
Do, what we don't do
Exposed more then I see.
Yet even now,
You rest easy.
Donald Durham Oct 2016
I left you
Left you lying on a bed
Cuddled up with our memories.
I left you to go cry
To rock myself to sleep
Clutching our memories.
I left you
I left you whole, yet I was shattered
Broken pieces of self doubt and insecurity.
I left you to go put myself back together,
To try and regain my dignity
To try and feel happy
I left you to try and figure out
how you can both leave me feeling so good
And also so lost.
I left you because you don't want me
Because I can't continue to want you
And I can't continue to care, when you dont.
I left you because I am chasing a ghost
Running after someone that never started the race.
I left you because I knew you'd let me
Let me run out the door,
Drunk as I was, sad as I was, lonely and playing second fiddle as I was.
I left you because your pity makes me sick
Am I as pathetic as I appear?
I left you because I knew you wouldn't call,
I knew you wouldn't text to see if I was ok.
I left because sleep was more important
To you then my slowly breaking heart and mind.
I left you because I am too dramatic
and even still I know this is my fault,
That this played out the way I knew it would.
I left you because I cannot leave myself.
I hate feeling like this. I hate that I have to write this. I hate that I like it, that I need to be broken to feel alive and want the pain for some masochistic meandering meltdown.
  Oct 2016 Donald Durham
Julia Mae
you don't want me?
you don't have to have me
and i can leave
as quickly as i arrived
you're so sure you own me
and i am at your beck and call
with no life of my own -
don't fool yourself
you are not my world
and if you can't see me
nor appreciate me
and pull me around
as your little trophy prize -
i'm great at disappearing
just watch me
i don't even need to say good bye
this is a great big *******, to you, for not appreciating me entirely and thinking i am always going to be around when you decide you "want" me.
  Oct 2016 Donald Durham
Leigh Marie
You write yourself into your own love stories as the victim of a girl
that only ever used you

I know your heart was broken, you told me
But that doesn' mean your hands are clean of blood
You broke my heart,
and hers too
When you took to bed
A girl with tattoos
Maybe she didn' mean anything or
Maybe everything I
can't be sure

But now I have a heart full
of nothing
you took what I had left
And ran with it

You come back now and again
But so far, you haven' stayed
I'm wishing you would
And haven' ruled out that you will
So I answer you
With my head up high and my hopes low

Your songs mean nothing anymore
cause I know what you're capable of
I still think bout you often
And by the looks of it
You think bout me too

Sometimes love isn' made to
Fill you up or
Complete you
But break you so you can be
I hope to grow tall
With you as my foundation
A home built together from nothing
But rubble and empty promises
I think I was already made for you
Cause Fates fine hand doesn' mess up often
Even if she is fickle
She isn' careless

You've got a whole lot of love in you
I see it in your smile
And the way you cry
Put down the bottle and
pick up the phone
I'll forgive you for what you've done
Cause I love who you are and

The past is in the past, they tell me but
I guess you're in my past too
Yet somehow I'm still looking forward to you
Donald Durham Oct 2016
I am your surrogate.
Your surrogate boyfriend
Your surrogate lover
Your surrogate friend.
I'm a stand in.
I'm a waiting room
Before your appointment.
I'm your emotional pick me up
Your needed ego boost.
Close when you want me to be
Far away when you choose.
I am opinionless
I am desireless
I'll fulfill what you need me to
I'll plug the holes
But I'll never make you whole.
I am temporary depression distraction
I am generous
My fingertips will go where you want
When you want
My skin is cold.
I'll be your companion
Until you don't want me around
I'll be thankful for your pity invites.
I'll hide my pain, so I can take yours.
I'll be lonely so that you don't have to be.
Am I time well spent?
When you're with me,
Do you think of where you'd rather be?
Or who you'd rather be with?
I am your surrogate
Your emotion crutch
I'll care so that you don't have to.
Why don't you care?
I'll shown concern and interest
So that you won't have to.
I'll be here for you
So that you don't have to be for me.
I'll give you my heart
So you can keep yours hidden.
Oh the complications of loving someone who will never love you in return. The heartbreak of giving everything, feeling everything, only to be met with emptiness.
Donald Durham Sep 2016
I was changed.
Not changed like the tide,
which always changes back
But changed like an atomic bomb
went off in my body, in my heart.
She was a nuclear reaction
A tiny bit of matter that alters the state of everything she touches.
She was radioactive,
You could feel her coming.
She was a bomb
And I'm a lost atoll,
drifting in the Pacific.
Destroy me in the most
beautiful of explosions.
Split me, subatomically,
and realign me how you wish.
She was science and she was engineering.
She was mankind's best,
doing mankind's worst.
She was detonation,
She was a split second explosion.
Depth charges that awaken,
Super sonic flash wiring,
blinding brilliance.
She was self destructive implosions
Bringing down the walls.
I'm a deserted structure,
waiting to be torn down.
First thing I've written that I've liked in years. I feel like the muse is awake and the madness is loose.
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