i hate the cold
when you're not there for me to hold

i hate the wind
unless its willing your ship back in

i hate the snow
the chill reminding me of past memories
for which i'm far too old

i hate the sun
the way it blinds me
the way it hides behind the clouds like a child

i hate the spring breeze
how it carries those leaves
how lighthearted it seems
i can hear it laughing at me

i hate the sleet and the hail
they remind me of how
i can never make up my mind
or decide who it is i want to be
whenever i step outside

i hate the moon at night
who simply borrows its light
just like i borrow your time

oh, but i love the rain
more than anything
i love the rain
the way it sings sweet songs to me
the echo of the thunder
the pause between the lightning
like waiting for that one last kiss
the way the streets look
how the pavement seems to radiate
i love the feeling i get
falling along with the rain
pouring myself out
feeling myself circle around the drain
i love the way it weighs down my hair
leaves my clothes heavy and wet
being reminded of how little i am
how little i mean
how i am but one drop
in torrents of rain
flowing into that great ocean
from which we all came

so you can have all your seasons
you can have hail, sleet and snow
you can bask in the sunlight
or hide, with your head in the clouds
breath in the cool breezes
or the cold wind that blows
take shelter from those cold nights
dance under the moonlight that glows
but whatever you do
i ask one simple favor from you

leave me the rain

please leave me the rain.

for the first time i know what i want
for the first time i know what i need

i want strawberries and sunshine
i want to hold your hand and smile
and to hug you tight if that's alright
just to find out what you like
to see what you feel, what you want

need to know if we're really under the same sky
or if it's another lie

Dark side
can't hide.
Let it out.
Leave no doubt
of who you are
a rising star.

that's what you are
a spirit
haunting every square inch
of this aching body
every breath i release
is stolen by you
every word whispered
you hear
you don't leave my mind
won't leave my brain
seeping through my skin
staining my sheets
why can't i breathe
when it's your face i see

i guess the real question is
why do i love you so
when i know
oh god do i know
that you'll never love me back

i know
as each moment passes
that i move farther and farther
outside your mind
when i am stuck
with the image of those eyes
the taste of those lips
the feeling of your hands
rough
but so gentle

you're the storm with no warning
you're a red sky in the morning

but i'm that one dumb sailor
jumping straight in the ocean
i tore my ropes off
to listen to the sirens' sound

i'd gladly tear my heart
to make the room for you to stay
but i know
you wouldn't

you'd look on
with pity and regret
wondering how you let me get so close
how silly must i be
to think someone like you
would ever love
someone like me

i love you the way it hurts
the way it cuts me
further than a knife
i watch the blood
blackened with lust
seeping with envy
all the vices
poison in my veins
i feel you coursing through them
like a drug
going straight to my brain
like the bourbon we once drank
that late night in the city
street lights blinking
and you called me pretty
and part of me died right then and there
knowing that you’d never be mine
mine
that’s all i want
i need it more than i need the air
that i’ve been struggling to breathe
i need to tell you those three words
instead you watch as they strangle me
if only you knew
do you know?
am i fool for assuming your ignorance?
are you blind to my bleeding heart
has my blood not stained the earth enough?
nor your sheets that we lay in?
have my lips not whispered a thousand little things
words phrased perfectly to say
everything but i love you
but god how i love you
how i ache to feel it from you
but i’ll keep on giving
my body and my soul
hoping that one day
i’ll reap what i sow

- - - - - - - - - - -

how can you not see this?
isn’t it cruel to watch me do this
to torture myself so
to beg for love and affection
yes i know i get your attention
but love that’s a burden isn’t love
asking for your time isn’t love
i need no conditions
no terms of agreement
i want crazy endless love
i want to be blinded in imperfection
i want you
all of you
i’d give a hundred years
to spend one more night beside you
i’d breathe my last breath
dying to hear you call me
that sacred name
that beautiful perfect name
i’d give anything
just say that i’m yours

Am I making a difference?
Just causing trouble
Bury me
Underneath forgotten rubble
Cannot be located with a Hubble
Telescopic
Distant incident
Magnify it
Like we always do
Now it's a threat
To my subconscious
These thoughts
My feelings
Forever chronic.

Sad reflections from
donated dreams.
Charity's
fallen embers.
Like a high UV index
they burn right into
your skin.
Freckling
your thoughts with a bit of compromise.

Close your eyes
to the possibility
inertia
has made itself at home.
You'll feel it, feel it
right to the bone.
But you crossed that bridge
long ago.
In the time of
tranquil misgivings.
You gave consent to
sin by offering up
your sons and daughters.
Drowning them
in the shallow end of dissipated water.

Sing hymns
all you like.
Piety
is not for sale.
And the angel light
that hits the wall
is not in the shape of Mary.
Evil always figures into
these things.
Don't you know? Heat rises. Blood falls.

So burn your prayers
on a stick. Roast them
in the campfire. You'll never turn
to God until you lie
dying. Broken and heaving.
Asking for forgiveness.
Which a man of cloth
will grant.
Such a charmed life to leave.

Only it's a cheat.
A spoonful
of circumvention.
Making you feel
warm and clever
as you bleed out. Regrettably,
your vacuous heart
sailed off on the Greta Garbo
and mortgaged
your future for such marquee.
Banking on the
here and now.
From this there can be no redemption.

Ache of being isolated grown too close
You spin the wheel, though wary
Weary too
Another raw encounter: open wound
Another tongue duel probing to find out
The rule you’ve never broken
A lure, if spoken; left unsaid, a doubt
A bur to hook the tighter those who run
Nursing the rub
The present friction burns of uncertainty
The pleasant fictions formed to fill the gap
This shifting scene that saps with sifting urgency
This morphing tempter mutely mouths its name
Read my lips
Spill my dear
Do you decline
Or feast fears
Climb into bed
Sip on the nectar
Transfixed