She stuffed up her bra, puckered her lips,
massaging the ache that came from her new hips.
Her stomach had been tucked, her ***** uplifted,
her calves replaced with something unfitted.
Hey eyebrows drawn on, her contacts unblinking,
"This is my new face", she thought without thinking.

I didn’t want to mislead myself.
   Every boy that I have loved
   Thought it was okay to just
   Pick me up,
   Play with me,
And return me back on the shelf.


I no longer want to be their toy.
I tried to save myself from getting hurt
By another boy.

the damage
has already
    been done
by the time
  brass tacks
rise to
  the surface,
and all the pretty
maidens are stacked
   like Russian wooden
       nesting dolls,*
in an insatiable
  hunger, yearning
   to possess
     the most toys

The dolls house was an escape exist masquerading as child's play,
Emerald curtains open for all the neighbours to see.
Gentle, delicate, Miss China lays the table rather than in bed,
Spreads the table cloth rather than her legs.
The tea set lies daintily on the table for when he comes home
When her mother plants him a kiss in the garden to grow.
And watching the car park on the fading lawn
She wonders if window panes feel happiness at all.

Porcelain skin,
white with rosy cheeks.
Lips sewn shut,
concealing her shrieks.
Knotted hair,
with pink pretty bows.

Smiling mouth,
lips red as a rose.
Eyes open,
staring at blank space.
Pretty dresses,
covered all in lace.

Broken teacups,
will soon fall apart.
Never revealing,
her lack of a heart.
Perfect girl,
with an alluring complexion.

Fails to see,
her and her reflection.
Flawless,
you can’t see her cracks.
Scarred,
only seeing whites and blacks.

Collecting dust,
sitting on a shelf.
Contemplating,
life itself.

Somedays I'm always happy,
Somedays I'll be nothing close to that,
And sometimes,
I'm going to have those days,
where if my papers are not in order,
fixing them is not an option,
and I wanna **** myself.

Who wants to hang out,
with a girl like that?
Where anything,
and everything,
could set her off,

Sometimes I wish,
you could say,
what you really feel,
about me,
to my face,
But instead it's around me,
And I'm known to imagine things,
But I really do think it's there,

And I'm more then,
a Couple lose ends,
Somedays I'm sewed together,
like a new doll,
But most,
I'm the old one,
you have had for years,
in the back of your room,
Never to be used again,
And the fact,
I'm not good enough for you,
I can't get over it,

And Somedays,
I wanna die,
trying to make everyone happy.
But I won't,
and I can't,
And you know,
what's really sad,
You never try to help me,
You never wanted me in your life,
I've been used so much,
I'm used to it,

And I wish it was funny,
But it's not,
And the two people I like,
will never know I like them,
And I honestly,
just want someone to hold me,
tightly and show me,
they love me,
But no one wants to hold me,
No one wants to love me,
I should know that by now,

Sad to think my third grade year,
is better then this,
A third grade year,
when I tried to **** myself,
or hurt myself enough,
to get out of school,
And sorry guys I'm learning ,

I've been self harming,
since third grade,
I've done it right there,
in front of you,
I would pull my own teeth out,
Not eat so I could get a head ach,
and go to the nurse,
or look sick enough to,
I would find relief,
in the kindergarten artwork,
in the nurses office,
But then I didn't know how to talk,
I would write down,
"I don't feel well,"
just about everyday,
Or stick out a ****** tooth,
and just instantly get allowed,
to leave my classroom,
Kinda sad isn't it,

But you know this year,
would make you cry,
I wish that It was a lie,
But it's not,
Nothing's true anymore,
Just like my relationships,
They all are fake,
And sometimes,
I wanna exit pass,
that will write my goodbyes for me,
But I don't have an exit pass,
And I don't have any good byes,
So I'll take the emergency exit,
from a distances of floors up,
And leap,
and let my tears,
say good bye.

So good bye I guess