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I'm bleeding out, like ink on paper
My heart stopped beating, my chest is an empty crater
Today I died again, just like I did yesterday and the day before
But I've stopped minding, I'm too numb to feel sore

Later when I'm done ruining the sheets, and I'll have nothing more left to bleed
I'll turn my head, and find they've been bleached
And now, you can't see the red stains, or smell death in the stitches
Quick, before the lights turn on, change the scene, flick the switches

Let's make me the mastermind behind my own death
Let's play that game where you knock out my breath
We've been playing for so long, I've gotten used to dying
But recently it hasn't been much fun, when I'm the only one left crying
Vista Jul 2016
I'll push people away
and then say I'm lonely,
I'll say I have no friends
and then call us all squaddies
Running from the fire I tended to,
I'll leap into your arms
Though I know you'll burn me to the ground
and then you'll raise the alarms
I'll accuse you of being mysterious
While building up my own walls
I'll try to break yours down
And collect the bricks before they fall
I'll make my own misery
I'll burn my own boats,
Then complain about not
being able to stay afloat
Alienated in my own body
Lost in my own soul
Foreign in my own head,
Down a perpetual rabbit hole
Paradoxes don't sit well with me, and yet I create them for myself.

© Copyright
Vista Jun 2016
Sometimes I'll hear your footsteps
in the empty hallway
And your laughter
in the vacant living room

I'll smell your perfume
in the musty closet
And feel your wit
in the silent dinnertime gloom

Sometimes I'll wait for your smile
Standing at the gate at 2:45
And wonder what you're doing, how you're feeling,
and what you cooked last night

So I'll call you up after office hours
but there's nothing to say
Still, just listening to the silence between us
is enough to make my day

I'll lament over the memories we can't make
and the inside jokes we'll never know
The premiers we're missing out on
The feelings I'll never show
I know you're doing your best
to protect and shield me always
but all I really want is
a Cadbury and a protective embrace

Because I want to hug you
all the time, everyday
And not just when we're saying goodbye
before you get into your car and drive away

Happy Father's Day.

© Copyright
I miss you.
Vista Apr 2016
it's 4 am and i'm still up
in the city of the half-dead
alone with my racing thoughts
insomniac nights are the best
I'm pretty sure I posted this last night.
  Apr 2016 Vista
I joke about being lonely all the time, but I don't think anybody gets that it isn't a joke anymore.
***** this.
  Apr 2016 Vista
she handed over different pieces of herself to different people
but never could find anyone willing [or able] to take her whole
// do the right thing, cut the rope & let me fall //
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