down where the river bends
standing upon the hill
is that old cathedral
still tending to its flock
and the bells ring and they boom
and they sound thunderously
a roaring call for penance
echoing among sinners
the warm message remains
set on the oaken door
preaching the word of love
to crowds taken by hate
but those days are now long past
priests were traded for spiders
and dust owns gilded altar
ill-gotten gains neglected
the chapel, long empty
still hungers intensely
hungry for confessions
and still hungry for gold
so the belfry resonates
summoning poor, wretched souls
in the grasp of the abyss
to empty what they once held
the men do not hold hate
they lost that long ago
but they neither hold love
for that was robbed also
these sad men hold nothing
the cathedral lies empty
filled only with hollow men
yet its never satisfied
so tolls always fly under gray skies
from the Cathedral of St. Matthew

I too believes I'll move on someday
Out of this love locked prison
It should have ended yesterday
But it won't till I know the reason

I won't get over the much we shared
I won't forget each and every beautiful song
How the hell can I forget you cared
In those times you swore It's to you I belong

It's obvious it will heal but leave a scar
That will constantly be a caution
To never blindly fall or trust a twinkling star
For when gravity acts earth and not space shall be my cushion

I'm aware I'll get over you with time
But like our, no other poem'll ever rhyme

Still struggling to tell myself how fine I was
Remembering I was one without flaws
I had a life before you,but why's it hard after?
Is it cause you left tears where you found laughter?
Is it cause I can't even eat?
Is it?

He felt everything he needed to feel
A womans infidelity
His Father dying
His children crying
But still, he must live on
What space exists for him now?
He sailed beautiful waters
With a storm at his stern
He only had so much time
Before the shore would tell a sad story
A story of someone who tried
But was lost in the search for meaning
It’s a story of a man and where he stood
Where his feet were planted
He thought the beauty of nature was his spirit
And the beauty of man
But neither were of his own making
So he climbed higher
But not with his feet
Or his hands
He wanted things greater than himself
To make himself smaller and smaller
But that is not what soothed his discomfort
As he retreated into his own mind
He stopped living for things
And places
Love was for one night
Because worry slept beside him always
Worry about his fate
And his children’s
And whether she really loved him
He had no way of knowing
So he decided she didn’t
Just like the storm behind him
It was only there to remind him
To either live or die
To make money or ask why
To take pictures or his ego to deny
To suffer desire or remember it’s all a lie
To leave smiles to those who cannot see
And sorrow to those who know how life can be
Washing up on shores
That asked what took him so long
To come home

I tried so hard
to make you feel love
but all that you do
is that you pump blood

I just looked up
What the **** am I doing?
I feel as if I have completely changed
Like I took acid every day for a year
The only people I believe are my children
Because they believe
I hate experience
And cynicism
And being mature
I cannot eliminate desire
It lies beneath the surface

It will never go away

I've become a dream
A movie
Everything about me is now a rerun
The inspiration has been forgotten
All that is left was my reaction
And even that is detached
But why must I watch?
I just want to feel music
The violin
The villain
The guitar
The girl
The voice
The volcano
Images that belong to me fail to light the screen
Only emotion
Not movements
Not stillness
Not laughter
Not crying
Only what I cannot see
Or prove
Do you believe a clowns smile?
Or a strippers?
You can't know
A movie merely scratches
An image merely fools
An aging man knows nothing
And that is the problem
At the height of his powers it becomes obvious
He is nothing
But he must watch reruns of his life acted out by you
You better invent something
Or make people feel
You cannot follow
Or remain sane
You must make your parents proud
Very proud
Or unnerve them
Otherwise he knows how it will end
While you play pretend

I am your fear deep inside
I know all you try to hide
I know your weakness,
your doubts!
I speak when you speak,
when you sleep I rise.

Your darkest fantasies,
won't be worse than reality
that's about to come.
You tried to hide from me,
thought some pills will make me run,
but honey, you and me are one!

I see you understand,
your mind's falling apart,
all your friends left,
with them sanity and pride,
but you know I will stay,
until the end of your miserable life.

You see, I was never wrong.
How long ago I advised you to die?
Still you insisted on learning more,
well, was there anything worth going on?
You were a failure at everything,
you just wasted air by breathing.

Your “friends,” or what were they called?
Just used you, hurt you and then let go.
How grotesque – you believed them!
How they laughed behind your back!
You tried to appease them,
you never had any spine.

Accept it, you were never loved.
Not by your mother, lovers of friends.
In the end, there was nobody who cared.
All that air, you wasted breathing.
Should you decide to die tonight,
there will be no one who will cry.

Try to make this one thing right,
don't be a burden to everyone,
they are tired of pretending,
don't you see? They want you to end it.
Do you want to suffer more,
or all of it to be gone?

There is nothing to be feared,
or if there is, I will be near,
Should your hand be rather shaky,
remember it's ending aching.
If you think, there is some hope,
just remember how it all went wrong.

Don't fight me, I'm not your foe,
I'm a friend, dearest of them all.
You know how to free your soul
from this prison of your own.
Death is nothing wrong,
just free yourself and go!

Changing faces for nameless places
Nameless people struggling for existence in a nameless time
Worship the incoherent ramblings
Of countless babbling nameless fools
Bread and water lead the lambs to slaughter
Prejudice injustice demanding obedience
Nameless zombies

Becoming the robotic puppet
Of the puppeteers desires
With pre-programmed responses
Feelings not your own

Desensitized children
Of a race of morbid loving junkies
We render them fearless, then cry
At the mass of chaos they invoke upon us

Lost leading the lost
Devouring the beauty in their paths
The scourge of the free man
Who lives under the delusion of his freedom

Prisoners all
While the power sits upon a high throne laughing
Unbelieving how simply they all fell
And obediently they continue to provide
The avenues of deception for his rich existence


© Crystal Erickson   11/24/2007

a lifetime of anticipation,
I waited for the Great Feast
a lifetime of discipline,
to spare my appetite
not to spoil it
On mere junk food

As the big day came
The Menu was discussed
In exquisite detail
I was told,
About all the dishes
Their tastes and flavours

Hungry as a roaring lion
I patiently waited at the door
Inside the hallowed hall
My feast was being set
Pure white linen
****** crockery
And golden cutlery awaited
At my seat of honour

With tremendous pomp
The doors swung open
The majestic hall
in candle lit beauty
beckoned and welcomed
my every step

The servants showed my throne
Where I sat down.
Gleaming lids covered my feast
With
Candle light dancing on the polished gold

Hors d ouvres first,
destroyed I was when I saw
That someone else
was here before

My wonderful roast
Already carved,
Huge chunks eaten
And dry bones left

Fresh green peas
Were rudely dug in
By filthy fingers
No manners for a spoon

Desert was half eaten
Ice cream left to melt
And of after dinner mints
Only a handful left

Thus then violated,
My beautiful feast!
Others snuck in
And ravaged my table

They left some crumbs
spoilt leftovers
As the Locusts went on
Without a care!

Now I sit hungry
Alone and forgotten
Staring in disbelief
At my desolate table

How I wish I had known,
Before I came in
That the menu was a lie
And someone else had been

Elsewhere I'd have gone and eaten
Or at least not starved myself
In anticipation for a feast
That the Locusts have eaten

Daylight revealed my majestic hall,
merely an old shed
Where the Locusts were WELCOMED!

Far from being the guest of honour
I am instead the lowly servant
No rights or privilege
Left to clean the Locusts' mess

A live cockroach, if I can catch
Sustains me, barely
I fill my chipped cup
With tears of sadness