i remember looking at the clouds
thinking how alone they looked
Appearing to share each others company
but at the same time looking so distant
Ive always sympathized with them
i would lay and watch them pass over me for hours
wondering how they knew where to go even when the path became dark
The stars don’t shine like they used to
they’ve dimmed to a slight glow
the light doesn’t seem to be in my reach anymore
I’ve stopped wishing on shooting stars whats the point of believing when you know what your believing in is a lie
only kept alive with counterfeit faith
only there to deceive yourself rather than everyone around you
Freckles dust your shoulders and cheeks
i cant help but imagine each one being a lie I’ve kept alive for your sake
There were millions
the thing i love about you most can somehow represent what i hate about you just as much
You’ve never held me the way you did today
i should be happy
instead i feel the exact opposite
Numbness and detachment blur my vision and block my thoughts
I’m left staring out the window while you gently kiss my neck
I’ve become the clouds
alone amongst the masses
You make me call the shots
thats not what i want
i need someone to tell me
what to do
where to go
how to speak
lately Ive been tired of holding so much responsibility on my shoulders
you nuzzle your nose with my own and gaze into my eyes
i really don’t want to let you go
You ask whats wrong
i answer with my new catch phrase
I’m tired
if only you could see that i mean Im tired of this routine

Somehow I’m able to feel so profoundly but at the same time feel nothing at all

i blame it on my ****** up character

lack of trust
fearfulness of intimacy
drifting apart
getting hurt
losing them
being alone
The loneliness clutches my wrists, breathily whispering
“you’ve driven everyone away, the ones you love so dearly are either dead, dying, or gone because you made them leave.”

The word goodbye slams around in my head
thrashing around and whacking the walls
this must be what my headaches originate from
I can’t just keep you around for my sake
my fear of being alone
I have this need to be with someone
but when i am
I’m not there at all
When you held me i felt nothing at all
only the warmth of your body and the scruff on your chin
My kisses were too hard
my touch too callous
all my motions seem to be rehearsed
Im beginning to think that we’ve lost our touch
I’m not sure if it was ever even there to begin with.

You know where you are
What you are, when you are
But not really, you feel almost
           Detached

From the world
And all its people
From those closest to you
And those you have yet to meet

You read the words on the page
But not through your own eyes, no
As if you are merely a lonely
Thing floating through time and space

Not living, but breathing
Barely surviving, but existing
You walk, run, fall
But it doesn't feel like you

At all.

Explanations;
In every day that I speak
and every day that I hear myself thinking
I just keep on
finding that words are impossible.
Yet they hold so much possibility inside
and that's something I see now even more.
What I take from this is at least I can try.

So now I'll try,
So if you just could listen,
(Not that it's ever been a task to make you listen to the things I say)
When I tell you this one thing:
Never do I leave it long
because I long to leave.
This is something you really have to know.
(I'm not entirely sure that this makes much sense at all)

But, little stranger, I think you know it now,
In some kind of way,
And mostly I think that because
somehow everything is strange now.
'Little stranger';
Less little than me, but somehow equally as strange.
Everything is strange now
but it all makes more sense that way.

The roundness of my fears, the despair
caught clinging under chains, how I could seem so
singular and solitary. My watery eyes gaze
up at milky grey skies. I can't

feel the weight of my
arms anymore. The pen I hold
hangs still with no intent but to

be in place, where I can see her. The
thoughts are cradled beyond that which
I can see in this space. In exposed symmetry,
they are staring, down

at the abyss. How I could fall, with arms
open wide to death and delivery. Then I’d
not have to think of this desolation that
comes over me, so deeply. I could be at one with

my peace and my pain. Never ending ties to
the earth as the air tries to lift me. Some bizarre
moment that I could detach, and fly through these
grim skies. They are my salvation and

my jail.

© 2006

How deadly is the sight of the flying witch,
she's mighty and flawless, her name is Lynn
elegant and graceful in her broom she'll go,
All of her victims had that exact same thought.

She seizes you with kind words
and for your soul offers you gold.
With her, you enjoy flying,
for you trust you won't fall.

Once in her cave, she speaks with friendly words
she fills your belly and fabricates a loving home,
It's hard to see her as from the underworld
It's hard to see what's about to come.

Before you realize she attempts to take control,
eating the brains of whom you call your own.
She's yelling and screaming, how putrid is her soul.
The witch is evil, but no one cares of what you know.

Now down the stairs she complacently goes,
raises an eyebrow, it's diabolical, it's smug
she then smiles to her husband, a mere puppet of hers
Satan is that woman, the witch who yells.

As the wind speed of mind increases, he loses weight
sees the clouds ethereal nearer and crowd in which
he  too jostled like an imbecile, becoming far off dots
selfishness, greed, jealousy,pride, lust , avarice and violence
self-pity masquerading as love, all this still tie them down
some among them fornicate words, turn them in to  ******,
this happens for ages, but none has the power to stop the rot,
look at those mindless wonders that dance in ****, we watch
in horror but pretend as if we are delighted, to keep the peers gleeful.

Don't you want a journey of your own  through inner landscape
no more be a kite,begging for the mercy of those who pull the string
who fake *******, think something and pretend contrary to it, dupe.

"I am sky bound, levitate, a cloud heavy with sadness,still buoyant,
I would rain,when feel drained, assume the white cloak of purity.
I am the earth and fire,wind and water, limitlessness of the space"

Stringing beads of discontent, dangling
Every color of the spectrum, strangling
Over shallow waters of ignorance
Where the children choose to wade
Rather than deep waters where shadows are made

Remove it from our sight
Remove it from our sight
Why are we bound by the things we hate?
Remove it from our sight

Blank faces with no souls, staring
We describe them instead of caring
In time we will know what they were saying
What memory we choose is what stayed
What we refuse to abandon is the image we made

Concrete setting in our souls
Filling the crevices and the holes
Enough we say of this way of being
Give me the pain of knowing and seeing

Grace is in how you forgive yourself
We removed it to see for ourselves
We had to know this time
Why the price was already paid
For children not knowing why they were made

Remove it from our sight
Remove it from our sight
Why are we bound by the things we hate?
Remove it from our sight