My home has never constituted a building,
never been about where I lay my head at night
Since I can remember I have been alone
I have never found solace in my broken family
from broken zippers to burnt out cigarettes
I have never stopped searching for
the feeling of home

You walked in and I couldn’t help but stare
I had no clue who you were but as soon as I saw you,
I felt warm for the first time in months

I saw fire in your eyes
and I wanted to suffocate in the smoke

I lied when I told you it’s hard for me to catch feelings
I lied to you when I said I was unsure

You stared into the sunlight sitting in that Mcdonald’s booth this morning
as I watched you I knew it was over
Maybe it was the way the glowing silk blanket of sun laid over the windowsill
Or the way your eyes no longer laid into mine
but somehow I knew it was over

I see only the best in people and am blind to anything else

I try as hard as I can to push people away so I do not get hurt, I believe you call this defense mechanism my attitude

your words trapped between my heart and soul
i fall silent
i sleep on your shoulder as we drive home

embarrassment already digging its nails into my throat
tears spread across my cheeks
as you hold me
I was silently begging you to never leave me alone again

no one had to tell us we were better together we already knew

my guy pretty like a girl
electric soul, gentle touch
velvet skin, unfinished lunch
violets grow in the valleys of his ribcage
forget-me-nots blossom on her skin
every night,
the places on her skin where his fingers last fell
when the sun was alive
sunflowers hiding in her short blonde hair
daisies intertwined in moments shared
the boy wants to predict the weather
but in this garden of wild flowers and
wild thoughts
it never rains
the flowers keep on growing
occupying the holes in her chest where there once was pain
his words as sweet as honeysuckle,
the soil
her blood as red as roses,
the rain

he spoke of our wedding by the second date and after the third he announced our funeral

i think we are worth trying
i know i make you feel warm too
and i believe the feeling of home
feels a lot like you.

Chills coursing through my body. The crickets are giving the eulogy to my passion for you. You are the only one who can **** me but keep the blood running like ice through my veins. You are the only one who can drive off and leave in the dead of night and I'll stay right where you left me. I'll stay and I'll wait. I'm waiting. I'm right here. Physically im gone, I went in the house and am faking a smile for my friends, telling them you were too tired to stay out any longer, lying on behalf of my hope for us to survive. Mentally there's a pile of my bones made out of all of our hopes and dreams, lying on the sidewalk right where you left me. I stuck them there with the thick glue made up of all of your lies to me, all of the broken promises. So there my spirit is, stuck in that spot, shivering and blurry eyed from ***** infused tear drops. You tell me that's just not how it is anymore, not how you feel. But when you look at me, lighting, it's a storm coming in over the horizon and the moon is screaming through the clouds and the trees are ripping in the wind and there we are, just in a bubble, floating through this nightmare. And you take my hand, and put it over your heart. Your heart beat steadies mine. Just one look my love, one look. One look silences the noise and calms my heart. That is not past love, that is not lost feelings. That is a ******* forest fire spreading through your veins, that is me.

6th grade... we were friends
7th... we were best friends
I remember the day
We decided
How our lives were going to continue
together
inseparable
classmates thought we were twins
8th grade... we grew closer
I told you I needed you
I cried in front of you
I revealed my biggest secret
to you
and with your help
I came out
but then
you found others
and our circle grew
It was okay
for a while
but as you became extroverted
and popular
and liked
I became an outcast
I didn't realize it at the time
But it was so obvious
At the end of that year
I started to see
How you thought I was clingy
Messed up
A burden
You were my only friend
And you hated me
But you were too nice to let me know
The last day of school came
we promised we'd get together
but days came and passed
I never saw you
you never texted
9th grade has come
you don't even look at me like a friend
I had a panic attack today
in front of you
not intentionally
but I would have hoped you could have helped
and you just watched
as I burned from within
I knew for some time
but now its all to obvious
You never liked me
You never will
But really
you were all I had

Gettin’ ****t on like I’m The Villian,
got this queasy feeling on the line reeling,
coming undone at the same time wound up and spun,
I’m done playing but stuck at the table with The Dealer still dealing,

want to throw myself up out of myself,
can escape every position except the one I’m in,
can’t escape yourself if knowledge is wealth,
then I’m loaded & still spending my winnings,

got Karma Credit but I’m morally cash poor,
because I just fckt my girlfriend as if she was a *****,
and I feel terrible or rather horrible about it,
because i think I’m infected by what neglect did without a cure,

no one is pure,
at least I’m not that’s for sure,
I'm tainted with devils in my head painted with what I spilled I’m red,
sick with the sort of illness that can't easily be cured,

in fact got a bad case of the blues,
but instead of strumming a guitar I’m taking things too far,
cut her so bad with my fingernails,
that I fear it might leave a few scars,

tied her up so tight,
that her wrists turned purple,
see she’s attracted to bad boys,
and I warned her that that’s the type of attraction that can hurt you,

little girl shouldn’t be out past her curfew,
nothing good ever happens past midnight,
but we’re both running from something,
both stand outs in the in crowd still something doesn’t sit right,

I’m uncomfortable,
because I think maybe all humans are disgusting,
maybe we just cause each other pain and trash the earth’s surface,
maybe we deserve to feel guilty & that’s why we are all fcking distrusting,

maybe I’m gonna fckn **** myself,
but this is a card game so then again maybe I’m bluffing,
maybe everything’s going to be alright,
maybe I’m being uptight for nothing,

but I’ll tell you what I feel like the **** of my own joke,
but I don’t give a fck so instead of changing I’m just shrugging,
mean mugging every person I pass suspicious of every bloke,
because these days crime pays and everyone’s always up to something,

and I just want to get ghost,
but I can’t and I guess that’s the way it goes,
so I’m sittin’ in the uncomfortable position,
of being both a role model as well as a criminal,

Gettin’ ****t on like I’m The Villian,
got this queasy feeling on the line reeling,
coming undone at the same time wound up and spun,
I’m done playing but stuck at the table with The Dealer still dealing…

∆ LaLux ∆

Sing me the song of solace
Kiss me with your dazzling gleam
Strip me bare,
Accept my vulnerability as a human.

I'm giving myself to you,
Underneath the night sky
Where no one is watching
But those who have found peace in heaven.

See me as fragile.
Illuminate my soul
Control the tides of doubt in my mind.
Strip me bare of this human flesh,
And let my soul rise.

Sing me the song of solace
And allow me to find comfort at night.

As I cry myself to sleep,
I hear the fallen angels weep.
If I shall die before I wake,
the world will have one less mistake.

Every waking day
I am still haunted
by your lack of presence.
Even in dreams,
you’ve stopped showing,
as my soul has recognized
that you are no longer beside me.