cozyjune Dec 4
i usually know exactly how to start these
the poems i write when they leave
i usually know exactly how to dip the paintbrush in my tears and paint a picture forgiving myself for the pain i have felt

typically the right words flow from my fingers
but
i can't conjure up anything to ,,,,
i ******* miss you.

im not sure if this is to you or about you

you never knew but you was my rock
i aint never written out of anything but pain
off every drug in the world
and the name in my heart never change
i know you can't say the same
i know you never wanted me anyways

and **** that *****
yea the one you used to ride for
the one you'd probably die for
you may have a past with her
but i was gonna give you my future

what the **** do i even say..

you the high and the come down

i write your name in the leftover coke residue on the table then lick the powder off my fingers
swallowing back tears
humming along to your favorite songs

we was supposed to be big
you never knew that but fr
we was supposed to be big

you had me feeling like ****** sunshine
but ****
maybe i just aint shine bright enough

we both had our demons
and we knew we needed to heal before anything
but you was slaying mine one by one
and now this life i live is the hardest its ever been
and i wanna run to you
but you busy getting ****** up with your friends
or maybe you're with her
and maybe you was healing with me so you could leave and begin again
and thats ****** up
*** i could really have many men
and i got many friends
but baby aint none of them you.

i see *** in your smile
and maybe thats why i sleep in the church parking lot when my mind sleeps with you
cozyjune Nov 2
insatiable hunger
your lips pressed into my neck like a velvet secret
your hands dripping down my body
washing away the broken bones of the past
my back arches to the heavens
and i tear away the skin from your rugged back
unveiling blackened angel wings
wings weathered by far too many storms
as you water my forbidden garden
your eyes devouring every inch of my presence
finally lay into mine
draping my trembling body in a blanket
woven from acid sunsets and the fullest of moons
succeeding the surrealist of dreams
i lift a gentle hand to your mouth
and slip my finger past your ample bee-stung lips
you take me in as if my fingers are oozing honey
as your love oozes inside of my pulsating lotus
the petals spill from inside of me
waltzing atop my **** soaked thighs

these thoughts they drown me in star-less nights
writhing to keep my head above water
just so i can once more
perish in loves arms
and be reborn into your eternal light
cozyjune Sep 18
electric birds paint trails of color over my head
as i lift my freckle stained face to the blanketed sky
I'm drawn to an addictive presence on the stage before me
my heartbeat drowns out the sounds
surrounding me pulsing through my veins
suddenly we are all on fire
i drop my jacket to the floor
can anyone else feel this?
is anyone else burning?

his ******* lips are against my neck and his nails are digging into the small of my back and every dream i have ever had turns into the color of his eyes

can no one else feel this?
im blind to everything but the forbidden fruits dangling from his heart
his one single glance wraps around my throat like a snake suffocating its prey
i don't know if it was the acid or the *******
but that beaten up boy
******
my
soul
to
****
i am burned.
cozyjune Sep 18
my guy pretty like a girl
electric soul, gentle touch
velvet skin, unfinished lunch
violets grow in the valleys of his ribcage
forget-me-nots blossom on her skin every night,
the places on her skin where his fingers last fell,
when the sun was alive
sunflowers hiding in her short blonde hair
daisies intertwined in moments shared
the boy wants to predict the weather
but in this garden of wild flowers
and wild thoughts
it never rains
the flowers keep on growing
occupying the holes in her chest
where there once was pain
his words as sweet as honeysuckle,
the soil
her blood as red as roses,
the rain
cozyjune Sep 18
My home has never constituted a building,
never been about where I lay my head at night
Since I can remember I have been alone
I have never found solace in my broken family
from broken zippers to burnt out cigarettes
I have never stopped searching for
the feeling of home

You walked in and I couldn’t help but stare
I had no clue who you were but as soon as I saw you,
I felt warm for the first time in months

I saw fire in your eyes
and I wanted to suffocate in the smoke

I lied when I told you it’s hard for me to catch feelings
I lied to you when I said I was unsure

You stared into the sunlight sitting in that Mcdonald’s booth this morning
as I watched you I knew it was over
Maybe it was the way the glowing silk blanket of sun laid over the windowsill
Or the way your eyes no longer laid into mine
but somehow I knew it was over

I see only the best in people and am blind to anything else

I try as hard as I can to push people away so I do not get hurt, I believe you call this defense mechanism my attitude

your words trapped between my heart and soul
i fall silent
i sleep on your shoulder as we drive home

embarrassment already digging its nails into my throat
tears spread across my cheeks
as you hold me
I was silently begging you to never leave me alone again

no one had to tell us we were better together we already knew

my guy pretty like a girl
electric soul, gentle touch
velvet skin, unfinished lunch
violets grow in the valleys of his ribcage
forget-me-nots blossom on her skin
every night,
the places on her skin where his fingers last fell
when the sun was alive
sunflowers hiding in her short blonde hair
daisies intertwined in moments shared
the boy wants to predict the weather
but in this garden of wild flowers and
wild thoughts
it never rains
the flowers keep on growing
occupying the holes in her chest where there once was pain
his words as sweet as honeysuckle,
the soil
her blood as red as roses,
the rain

he spoke of our wedding by the second date and after the third he announced our funeral

i think we are worth trying
i know i make you feel warm too
and i believe the feeling of home
feels a lot like you.
cozyjune Sep 17
Chills coursing through my body. The crickets are giving the eulogy to my passion for you. You are the only one who can **** me but keep the blood running like ice through my veins. You are the only one who can drive off and leave in the dead of night and I'll stay right where you left me. I'll stay and I'll wait. I'm waiting. I'm right here. Physically im gone, I went in the house and am faking a smile for my friends, telling them you were too tired to stay out any longer, lying on behalf of my hope for us to survive. Mentally there's a pile of my bones made out of all of our hopes and dreams, lying on the sidewalk right where you left me. I stuck them there with the thick glue made up of all of your lies to me, all of the broken promises. So there my spirit is, stuck in that spot, shivering and blurry eyed from ***** infused tear drops. You tell me that's just not how it is anymore, not how you feel. But when you look at me, lighting, it's a storm coming in over the horizon and the moon is screaming through the clouds and the trees are ripping in the wind and there we are, just in a bubble, floating through this nightmare. And you take my hand, and put it over your heart. Your heart beat steadies mine. Just one look my love, one look. One look silences the noise and calms my heart. That is not past love, that is not lost feelings. That is a ******* forest fire spreading through your veins, that is me.
was all true, written years ago
cozyjune Sep 17
now the only thing in my bed pressing into the curve of my back is the corner of a ******* book and the only thing outlining the sheets next to my head is ******* wine stains

Get these ******* books out of my bed where did you go
an overdue goodbye to a man i thought i loved
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