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Sep 2018
My home has never constituted a building,
never been about where I lay my head at night
Since I can remember I have been alone
I have never found solace in my broken family
from broken zippers to burnt out cigarettes
I have never stopped searching for
the feeling of home

You walked in and I couldn’t help but stare
I had no clue who you were but as soon as I saw you,
I felt warm for the first time in months

I saw fire in your eyes
and I wanted to suffocate in the smoke

I lied when I told you it’s hard for me to catch feelings
I lied to you when I said I was unsure

You stared into the sunlight sitting in that Mcdonald’s booth this morning
as I watched you I knew it was over
Maybe it was the way the glowing silk blanket of sun laid over the windowsill
Or the way your eyes no longer laid into mine
but somehow I knew it was over

I see only the best in people and am blind to anything else

I try as hard as I can to push people away so I do not get hurt, I believe you call this defense mechanism my attitude

your words trapped between my heart and soul
i fall silent
i sleep on your shoulder as we drive home

embarrassment already digging its nails into my throat
tears spread across my cheeks
as you hold me
I was silently begging you to never leave me alone again

no one had to tell us we were better together we already knew

my guy pretty like a girl
electric soul, gentle touch
velvet skin, unfinished lunch
violets grow in the valleys of his ribcage
forget-me-nots blossom on her skin
every night,
the places on her skin where his fingers last fell
when the sun was alive
sunflowers hiding in her short blonde hair
daisies intertwined in moments shared
the boy wants to predict the weather
but in this garden of wild flowers and
wild thoughts
it never rains
the flowers keep on growing
occupying the holes in her chest where there once was pain
his words as sweet as honeysuckle,
the soil
her blood as red as roses,
the rain

he spoke of our wedding by the second date and after the third he announced our funeral

i think we are worth trying
i know i make you feel warm too
and i believe the feeling of home
feels a lot like you.
Written by
cozyjune  18/F/Indianapolis
   JcA and ---
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