Behind the closed doors and curtains we shared joyful laughs and bitter cries.
We did unspeakable things to each other.
Our home became hell and heaven.
We hurt each other, got back together and kept living the same nightmares.
I loved the ups and downs, loved the thrill..
One day you loved me so hard, one day you were so cold.
There were painful times when I felt invisible in the presence of you.
I was overwhelmed by your ego.
You made me forget about all of my dreams and aspirations in my life.
My life became wholly yours. I did not have a life anymore.
I used to have starts in my eyes, you took the light and life of them.
Now I was in the darkness.. Holding your hand and letting you lead me inside the depths of it..
I embraced the uncertainty of your darkness.
Closed my eyes and my mouth to be completely blind and mute.
I did not have to see and talk no more.. For you saw for me, you talked for me.
I became a puppet in your hands. You pulled my strings and tried to create the woman of your dreams.
Have I become her my love? Do you love me know?
If that's what you want I can wear her good long hair over mine. I can wear her makeup to look more like her. I can wear fancy clothes and act like her in them..
Will you love me now that I have changed for you?

After the defeat,

his doubts buzz around him like --


a mosquito cloud.

I woke
the morning
for it had slept in
still in bed
and I too keen
…waiting
to turn its head
I gave
a nudge
it gave
a grudge
and rolled over
the other way
in bed

That night
I kept my dream
while people slept
I dreamt
ignoring
the day
come the
morning
the sun
stood still
of it’s own will
and I, falling

In hope for light
and life  
I dreamt this dream
and wept
a stream of sleep
while wailing  
many a day
in mourning  
I watched
my defeat to
keep the 
dawn of day
hiding away
dying

Sometimes I feel defeated
by the fact that socks
can make or break my day
How the same socks
worn numerous times before
can suddenly make me feel
Too tense
Too triggered
Too trapped

Uncomfortable socks is an omen
of the bad things to come
if I walk out the front door
Yet when I have a bad socks day
I find the strength to continue
Safe in the knowledge
that when the day ends
I can throw them on the floor
Upon the heaps of ***** laundry
That I'm not in trouble for