You look at Her
All She wants is to take your eyes off me
I don’t think She cares about my feelings or yours
Has She ever?

She hurt you
You know that by now
Yet
You still want Her

You said,
“This doesn’t change us”
But it clearly does
Why else would you stop saying you miss me?

This hurts me more than I think you realize
It’s not all your fault, I know that
I’m not saying it is
It just hurts

I’ve been hurting for what feels like an eternity
A couple weeks, maybe longer
It started before you told me
You stopped texting like you had been

Looking through old texts
I can see where it started to go downhill
One day it was “I miss you <3”
Next it was almost nothing

For days I blamed myself
I thought it was all my fault, you didn’t want me anymore
I guess, in a way,
I was right

I know full well I’m being overdramatic about this
That’s who I am I suppose
I need to rid this from my system
It’s eating at me from the inside out

You once said you just wanted to hold me
I said
“One day”
And that day passed by in an instant

You put your arm around me the other day
It was nice for a moment
Then I realized it didn’t really feel right
We’re still off

It’s gone
There is no turning back
You have feelings for Her
And I’m caught in the middle

I thought that I had a decent life for once
Things seemed as if they were going my way
But it’s somehow
Always Her that steals my good times

We’ve had a complicated history, Her and I
I wish we could still be close friends
It might make this a lot easier, maybe a lot worse
But that’s over now

All I want is for you to figure this out
I want you to be happy
Whether that’s with me or not
We’ll find out soon enough

It seems like it’s pretty close to over
I’m sorry for that
I’ve ******* up a lot
Relationships aren’t my thing

You deserve someone better
I really thought that was me for a moment
The likelihood of me being the right one for you now
Is probably close to nothing

This has been longer than I intended
I’m sorry for everything
I hope for your own sake you can get over Her
You need to

I’ll still be there for you
I was throughout this last year
I can do it some more
Maybe

Maybe not
But that’s not a problem right now
We need to sort this situation out
So that’s what we’ll do

another day another wallowing moment
in this unfamiliar skin
searching for the component
that feels missing deep within

another hour another feeling
how they change so quickly
my back tied to the ceiling
lack of control making my stomach feel sickly

another minute another headache
come and go in a blink
I pray that they stop for my sake
too tired to even think

another second another toll
on my head filled with words
needing something plentiful for the soul
ears longing for the sweet tunes of songbirds

the pain beneath my eyes
showing the purple and blue taint
my mind up till sunrise
wearing my exhaustion like a canvas wears paint


© L.F.

in this lasting thick sop of heat
people protect their dearest habitually
and who knows how long that shall last ?/

all acts are weighed upon/
the neighbourhood is rough/
the swelter raises all the gritty flavours
level with all our senses/

some spend time on the rooftops
but it’s not avoidable there/

tasks are monument :
the hateful
hurting
malnourished bodies
are there own enemy
a struggle to perform basic life/

the fever beat breeds the pollution
and the pollution is solvent
in the population/

it’s a barbed experience
working to perspire/

we’re cast where we began :
occupied animals
and when the day sinks
then begin the dog nights/

people are game for a fight/

of all this
i take my leave/

i seek to study/
i want to shut down/
i need decay/

i’ve stalked from this blazing environment/
i’ve gotten far underground/
removed a grate
from our buildings basement/
followed rungs to a cool drainage tunnel/
not far along that I discovered a hunch in the cities material
edged through a crack/
ever downwards by touch................/

i’ve found a damp corner
within a ruin
beneath the ground
within another city
built over once
and then again by the current inhabited one/

this is location/

from the summers heat
and from the social wheeling/

Quick to go fungal
I adjust my body temperature
and mottle the skin of my stowed carrier/
I regard my blood beats
and concentrate
marking them slower and slower/
I retract to operate on minimal features/
I become a dominance of my thought stream
and narrow it to almost nothing/

I’m a short stop from from coma or organic breakdown
I am now dedicated ,
thoroughly ,
to the one study

There was this weird tingling feeling as if I smoked to many cigarettes on an empty stomach. Once these feelings subdued I was greeted by a lovely smile and beautiful blue eyes. For the first times things felt right, I’ve made this mistake before but I just knew. No anxiety or apprehension just solely being in the moment. After that wonderful day I was reluctant to part ways as if we’d never cross paths again. Will I see again?

Exhausted
Trying constantly
To shed all those days
That have long since passed  

"Passed Days" -JP