I’ve been a ghost
For some time now
I didn’t realize it
With the lights out

It was less dangerous
Like he said it would be
It wasn’t painless
The way they said it would be
Falling free

I can’t hear my cell phone ring
Whenever they’re calling me
So more transparent than pale
Just like the ale
That always reminds you of me
Falling free

I fall in deep
No one can see me but you
And you’re all I see

What are you trying to say,
Lately I've been asking myself.
It feels like my thoughts are too piled up
With only a feather to dust these shelves
Sweep these images off of my chest
Left scraping together this disorganized mess.
I'm having trouble with my fan base,
The trouble is I don't have a fan base.
Stuck in a position of not knowing what I want to be,
I know who I am, now let's look past me.

I've been debating religion and stuck in an uncomfortable position
Of calling most the church goers hypocrites
Only following the rules when the shoe fits
Then gossip in the back of the pew
about a man with more struggles than you
Hung up on other's demons, while pretending to smile
We send them to a mental trial, tell the next person
Next you leave them exiled, pulling some godly ranks.
Ask me to come to that place, I'll say no thanks.

It's another lakeshore day, it's another late night
Taking a breath of the wild at 2 am through dim light.
Sitting in the same room, with a little time to type
I'm stuck in my thoughts but unable to know what to say
So I'll leave this on an ironic tone
Yesterday, my father wished me a happy father's day.
But his knowledge of me stands unknown.

The panicked heart
Is pushing the shoulder,
  pushing the elbow,
     pushing that hinged down wrist,

In hopes that one swift motion
Will untangle the word ribbon
In neat short lines on yellowed paper

Those wings that scratch and claw inside the little cage
Bleeding the walls
Will break free to fly and feed.

But Monday mornings I take great care
The wrist is nailed tightly on the cross
All the pistons are jammed in just the right way
Come Friday night the ribbon won’t untangle
And the bird will give up, sometime.

Goodbye, my dear friend, for now.
I’m gone for only a day,
But I know that you know how,
for our next minuet, I’ll await.

Goodbye, my dear ol’ Chickering,
‘Til the next time I’ll sit and then
I’ll listen to your diamond ring
Bless my ears again.

Thank you, yes you, my dear,
For offering your friendly counsel,
For lending me your patient ears
Over years and through tears as well.

Just a day, my dear, lil’ piano,
Until I’ll peer again into your musical window.

this time of year comes by
and i always have to think
why did you have to leave
why did you have to fly away
away, to wherever you are
away, to somewhere so far
from mom and me,
we’re getting on fine,
but something tells me
it could be better
if you were here
but you’re not here
you’re away
far away
and you’re never coming back

Goodnight, Mister Sun.
Goodnight, Long Day.
Gone, bye.
I wish that I could try that hard.
Good morning, Night.
Good morning, Midnight Cry.
I wish that I could salve my scars.

God day, Morning Haze.
Good day, Familiar
Fog Bank.
I wish that I could someday fight.
Good morning, Light.
Good morning, Daylight’s Shine.
I wish that I could try.

Father’s Day is here
A holiday I tend to dread
Scrolling through social media
Seeing so many great fathers
Feeling a bit like an outcast
Father
A stranger to me
Gave me half my DNA
And nothing else
Stepfather
Charmer
Narcissist
Mentally a child
It would feel wrong
To post the sappy picture
Write the sappy caption
Pretend there’s a deep relationship there
Father’s Day
Always unconventional for me
I celebrate my mom
Playing both parental roles
I celebrate my grandpa
Always showing me parent-like love
I celebrate my Heavenly Father
Who loves me more than anyone else
Sure
Father’s Day is isolating
But at least I have someone to love
Someone to celebrate

The crook of your neck is my favorite place to rest my chin,

to bury my nose deep into the crutches of your scent: the natural musk of my person manifested

as a trail of fingertips tiptoe on your bare chest, a smile tugs at my lips gently at the bliss of midday splayed around you,

in turn, you scratch my back fondly: the soft contours of my unflattering body don't feel as unflattering anymore

rather, you transform me into a wonderland of bubbles, mischief and sweetness encircled in this secret display of "us"

Though my dad and I
may not always see eye to eye
I can count on these simple facts
to remain true:
He will support me in my choices.
He will offer advice when I need it.
He will protect me when I feel unsafe.
He will make jokes
with varying degrees of success.
He will teach me stuff about cars.
(Stuff that won't stick in my head
no matter how hard he tries,
sorry dad)
He will always be in my corner
even when I'm wrong
(And he'll allow me to figure that out
for myself)
He will ask what I think
and will not say my way of thinking is bad
just because he disagrees.
He will do his best to be there for me.
He will always love me
no matter where life takes me.
Just as I love him.

Happy Father's day!