life gets clear when the wind gets cold
it’s biting really
nipping at every nose and
noise and noose maybe
i’m attracting an autumn depression maybe
maybe heart misses home tonight
it’s two in the morning and
i’m not asleep and
the seasons are shifting so
the fan is unplugged and unused and
my thoughts are weighted and worthless

bile splatters the wall
dreadful peace fills my veins at once
it’s all going to be okay
the worst of this is tooth decay
i can’t rely on others to know better

how can something so disgusting feel this pure
why does this burn in my throat bring me closer to perfection
tears feel valid only when they’re forced
it all feels so wrong
but i can’t let go of this control
peace can’t stay here anymore

but don’t leave me like everyone else has
i’ve given up on everything
i can’t face the world without you
tears shed just for you to stay
please lie in this filth next to me
don’t flee like the rest
there’s no other way i can cope today

the mirror leaves me unrecognizable
the reflection is a lie
you can’t let this happen
here to destroy me
the progress we’ve made
i can’t become an embarrassment once again
i brought you here to take on some of this grief

lonely times in the bathroom
the tile still feels so cold
warmth you gave feels like daggers in my stomach
like bugs trying to escape
i didn’t eat the food
it’s eating away at me

That time of year is upon us
Longer nights, shorter days
Sky full of grey and gloom
**** I miss the sunshine
Fur coats and winter boots
The wind mightier than Zeus
**** I miss the sunshine
Couples unite for a cosy winter night
But
Where is my sunshine

Life moves on
Love is poison
And the world doesn’t give a **** about your broken heart

Apathy, oh dear apathy
How I suffered slowly
Heart so lonely
Even safe in their arms
Your coldest embrace
Hides my tear-stained face
Save me from the shell
From the nothing I have become

Dear apathy, dear apathy
My heart rings lowly
An echoless bell,
A great empty shell,
Ever trapped in the greatest of hells

Why you come to me I do not know
For you cover my soul and call it home
Shelter me from the rain in my head
Even when I wake from my shivering bed

There is no more dread
There is no more pain
Not sorrow nor aching
Only nothing again
Nothing but numb
What have I become?
What have I...become?

Dear apathy
Even when I should be happily
Joyously so
You refuse to go
Oh the great things that you know…

Dear apathy, dearest apathy
My heart, it suffered slowly
Until you came to me
Took me into your embrace
You shelter my tear-stained face
From all of this disgrace
That has become me…
Whatever am I to be,
With or without you
My dearest apathy?

My dearest apathy
I suffered so slowly
Heartstrings, tear and fray
For indescribable reasons I stay
Even whilst they play
Ever so lowly

There is no echo, no ring or sound
There is no song, no feeling at all
There is no care, not a bit in the world
For I have given all I have to give
In this great life that I live
I give and I give…
Until I can no more
Until I can no more
My heart opens the door…
It opens the door
Welcoming you into my coldest embrace

Dear apathy, you came for me
When I needed you most
I was but your host,
A wailing ghost
Until you came to me…
Now my greatest emotions
The vastest of oceans
They rest, now
They leave me be…
Since you have come to me
They leave me be…

Dear apathy, dear apathy…
These times you come to me
Shelter me, hold me to be
Lulled into your coldest of arms
Silence the alarms
Out with the candle
Out with me…
And welcome, dearest apathy

- Jay M
October 11th, 2021

Like wind that buffets lofty trees
And breaks what’s loose and dry
The trials that bring us to our knees
Will cleanse us by and by

And like the winter snows that fall
To grant the earth a rest
The colder times that come for all
Will help renew our best

Like dusky eve and dawn so bright
Give cycles to our sphere
So let your dark give way to light
Let hope oppose your fear

Let rhythms flow and guide your way
In yielding - you will find
Both strength and joy in every day
Both wealth and peace of mind

The best place
I ever lived
was in your heart,
I am no longer cold.

Light has shone, light as death,
Sunset is gathered in fishing nets,
Like a twine of leafy stems.
~The coldest sea is the blood
Of the murdered and aggrieved~
Scaly Autumn of lost fires and dragon plumes,
Lanterns in the fog, graverobbers of the moon,
Light has shone, suckles at the tomb.