guilt me like a cancer
manipulate me like a taurus
if i was the first verse, you’d skip to the chorus
i tape glue and sew but you’re the one who tore us
ripped me into pieces and i made myself
something new
i recognized myself
you’re lost not knowing what to do
play dumb like a pisces and lash out like a scorpio
if you’d give me up for anything
it would be half an oreo
maybe four quarters or a dollar
but you could never change
had a heart for everyone but i was never in your range
impulsive like an aires confusing like a gemini
you my day 1 and i love you turns into there cant be a you and i
you “never wanna make me cry” but can never keep your **** dry
eyes red like im high
you “never want to say goodbye” but the second things dont go your way you fly
but you could never be the bad guy?
act out like a capricorn stubborn like a leo
how you beat yourself up but wanna be everyones hero?
your double life is really a triple
i should call you trio
if ‘paid in full’ was my life you would be rico
how my own girl crossed me?
then made it my fault that she lost me?
then told everyone she tossed me?
don’t care like aquarius outted me like a libra
you beat around the bush when i made it black and white like a zebra
how i told you tell me the truth and you made up a story
you cant lie on someone who loves you
and bask in glory
i paved the way for you and you act lost like dory
and i still found you
careless like sagittarius critic like a virgo
how you tell me to “never leave” but you go?
how you use the water you drained me of to grow
you’re not who your instagram shows
i see through you, commando
you cant flex on me if you know what i know

nobody gets the cancer twice.  
(a blues guitar riff)

blood in the stool
ain’t nobody’s fool,
whent to high school
did not graduate,
but know it wasn’t no thing I ate

scale greets me friendly like,
long lost buddy from yesterday morn,
‘let get right down to it,
let’s see how much less of you borne
leftover alive from the prior day’

spirit spit blood from my gums,
got me a woman, she’s way over town,
woman said I’m brushing with
too hard a brush, alright, alright,
make no fuss, she’s good to me

nobody’s fool whent to school,
though I did not graduate,
a mean riff is better than a
slow moving woman blues cry,
got the strings to do my screaming

doctor is a fan, name is Jimmy,
played music like last time round,
Jimmy-jamming, dancing in the waiting room,
“that cancer got kick, it’s gonna get ya,
think I told ya that about hunner times before”

‘nobody gets the cancer twice,’
an old wives tale for unlucky po’ somofabitches,
do you some tests, tell ya the specifics,
right now, lay, lay down them new tracks,
no quitting time less the good lord comes a-calling’

blues guitar makes a man
cry shiver scream and shake,
progressions licks and tricks,
so you can’t tell what’s making
a grownup man cry and laugh louder

bring me my medicine
bring me my guitar
all I know is how it makes me feel,
oh baby once a night it’s true,
nobody gets the cancer twice

all my life
i've been met by pain
and loss
loss of
family members
because they believed my lying father
loss of
a family friend
because he could no longer endure life
loss of
elderly rolemodels
because a sickness took them away
loss of
best friends
because i became too much of a wreck
and somehow
in the meantime
i lost myself

dyd u no thatt whindmilz coz cansur

the shape changes
depending upon
perspective;
from the bottom,
an oak leaf,
from one side a butterfly,
from the other a fist.
they have pictures
in color and in sepia
which speak to them
with different interpretations.
one sees a scar,
one sees growth.
they all agree
     it's a part of me
     it doesn't belong to me
     it came from they don't know where.
it's been cut
it's been shot
it's been exposed to radiation
it's been poisoned
it will not die

aha!
rasputin lives in my right lung!

I still remember that day
I saw your smile gleam
and your long brown hair flow
in the warm Hawaiian breeze

The ocean pushed
those pretty shells to the shore.
I heard your sweet laughter
when you saw that little blue butterfly
land on my nose

I had never seen your beautiful,
big brown eyes
filled with so much
happiness
and wonder

I sat there just watching you,
dance in the glow
of the sunset

You leaned down
and whispered to me
“my love for you is never ending”
and I smiled

Suddenly,
this world went dark.
The warm breeze turned cold
and your eyes filled
with tears

It had taken over your body
and locked you inside.
It was a constant battle every day
but your smile kept growing bigger
and your faith never faded away

This thing had pulled out your hair
and wore you down.
I felt helpless as I watched you slowly
fade away…
All I could do was scream
“let go of her”

And one day,
it did.

Tears rolled down your cheeks
As you placed your ring on my finger
and whispered
“my love for you is never ending”
and I smiled

I watched as you drifted away
with that blue butterfly,
in the warm
Hawaiian breeze.

Years ago, my professor had cancer.
Her diagnosis left her with no answers.

So she told her students that it would be nice
To stop by her office and say something kind.
     Because she was having a very hard time.

I found it odd. What difference would it make
For this classroom to comment on her fate?

But they did, they did! And to my surprise
They baked her a cake, said prayers; cried!
     Yet she still died.

Maybe we should have kept our cakes at home.
Maybe we should have said our prayers alone.

I dreamt of you
The other night
Of the last day
We had.
I remember feeling
Anxious all day.
Feeling as though
My skin was crawling.
My chest so tight
I could not breathe.
Hyperventalating.
Panicked with no cause.
I was utterly
Terrified.
And I chalked it up
To just being me.
But
Later that night
At 0305 they called me
"You may want to come."
I got there at 0325
"I'm so sorry."
"He's gone isn't he?"
That look of sorrow
She gave me,
I knew.
I couldn't feel you.
At 0319 may 27th 2018
You were gone.
And all of the panic
The fear
It made sense
I felt you leaving me.