but she'll crack a joke and it'll fry in the pan
yoke running suntans like we're not burnt
plan like we weren't drowning in tick marks
learnt that those sparks don't set us alight
snarks sizzle and kite our cheap cameras up
fight or flight, ****-ups stroll us over to both
makeup's made of oaths and expired lippies

and

growth was just memories we'd left behind
cities were left unsigned and roosters hum
spellbinds bit off crumbs of our holidays
sums done sideways with scrambled minds
haze of upturned blinds flip us sunny-side
rinds of orange chide us but our hats are gone
stride down, we egg on, sandals beg mercy

but

crayons colour sprees in glasses-off views
degrees weren't those corkscrew rollercoasters
drive-thru karaoke, poster bed fairy lights dim
toasters retorted, skim reading as shoes kick dust
limbs stiff, favour a cuss but don't do big talk
buses see less than walks, distance is a job
toolbox couldn't fix this throb.

so

maybe if we hadn't lit the fuse twice
it might not have fireworked so quick
but i'm glad we rolled that dice
getting summered was a cement
to those heat-blown bricks.

Candle light
Why can’t you shine
A match was hard to find
Maybe try and bind

Where’s your spark ?
Did you have to fall apart
I search within your heart
Only to find mold left to rot

Candle height
No need to fright
I promise it won’t bite
You just have to hold on tight

Are you sure you saw a beam ?
For me, it just seems
You are chasing a lost dream
Where you climb with no limbs

Candle night
I can’t do it, I might
Lose my own fight
Will I ever ignite ?

It’s one of those days again, accompanied by a dull ache,
Where even walking, even rising from bed, feels like a task.
My eyes stare blankly at the walls — life is wuthering,
But I make it a point to wear a mask.

This mask tries to obscure the pain within,
But we all know it’s a sham — the ones who matter can see it all.
They try to cheer me, say, “Get busy,”
But how to explain? Busyness cannot solve it at all.

I quit my job
because I wanted to invest in my dreams
but depression made everything blurry
distorted
confusing
What were my dreams after all
I asked myself on the fourth day
lying in bed

it’s a bad,  
bad world.  

the world's  
on fire —  
and i'm just  
livin' in it.  

don’t  
tell me  
it's alright,  

don't tell  
me it'll  
be fine.  

because  
when the  
fire winds  
down,  

all that's  
left is smoke —  
truths and regrets.  

the world  
feels heavy,  

and i wish  
this wasn’t  
testing me.  

(is it over yet?)  

all  
i want,  
and all  
i need,  

is to  
find my  
center again —  

and not  
let this  
get the best  
of me.  

because  
being pulled  
down by  
the weight  
of the world  

is somewhere  
i don’t  
want to  
end up  
again.

I’ve internalised invisibility,
Learned to distrust my own adequacy.

Sometime after shedding acquired skin,
I started to scream;

Craving to feel seen eventually gets boring.

Designing for someone else
Wasn’t meant to bend yet felt;
Then I fell.

Into a shroud of contradiction,
Refused to flatten expectations -
Uncontrollably muting conformation.