I'm the evil that walks with you
You don't deserve to be with me
My ****** up brain killed
what could be beautiful
Guilt is haunting my mind
And despite that
I can only hunt for your smell
In the memories
in the sweater you lent me
That cold night
If I only knew it was a goodbye
It was my fault, there’s no doubt
That night is gone now
And
All what I have is blood on my floor
New scars and a broken soul
You’re gone as well
With your heat
But your pain stayed
I won’t say sorry again
The sinners suffer for love today

I blame you.
why did you do this to me
              i could crumble in your hands and that didn’t matter
        all i ever wanted was to make daddy happy
       anxiety
you. did this.
i trusted you.
       I’m hurt
                   that’s all i thought about when it came to you.
pain
  I’m angry.
                   how could you do that to me
made me feel small
       made me anxious
                    the person i looked up to the most in this world has betrayed me
    I am broken
beaten
     hit
talked down to
                 I didn’t get it because i didn’t deserve it
  but hey
i now know i deserved the world.
      when you were just never able to give it.
it’s you dad
     it’s you
everything is your fault and you are the very reason i twitch
                     the very reason why i have authority problems
even with my own girlfriend.
  we’re the same age
              she makes me nervous like you’d make me nervous right before you’d drag your hand across my face that was probably the very size of your palm
         no Christmas
   no friends
  no
          family.
you kept me away
                     you beat
you yelled
             i was afraid
that little girl is afraid.
it’s your fault
     dad trust me it’s all you
it was never anyone else but you
               you weren’t the only one
but i only blame you.

Am I the one to blame
For my insecurities and shame?
Do I cause my own pain?
Am I the reason I'm going insane?
Do I allow the pain to enter?
Am I my own offender?
Do I let myself surrender?
What do I do with no defender?

I can feel myself get worse
And yet I don't do anything to change it
I feel how I welcome the curse
And make no attempt to disarrange it

I cannot escape the monsters inside of me
I lost all hope in becoming the kind of person I wanted to be
I smother myself with fears and anxiety
I am my own worst enemy

moonlit streets
and empty promises
falling from
broken bottles
and cigarette smoke

eyes that are
rimmed with
too many
sleepless nights
close

as the lips below
share the smoke
that brought them
here

not caring
who will be blamed
in the morning

I don't get why
all the time
when I say nice things
the words betray me
and attack me.
was I too much
again?
I don't get why
my words have to mean so much
when sometimes
they don't..
mean anything.. at all.
they just read too much..
I can't help
but ruin everything.
it's a cycle.
nice words
can mean everything
to someone.. I guess.
I don't get why
I have to be
the one to blame..
I wasn't speaking
in code.. was I?
did I say something nice
to just be nice? yes.
now is that such a crime..
I didn't ask for the reaction..
but blame is still put on me.

nice words
equal
I love you.. i guess.

it seems that
unfortunately
someone
is always at fault

these
           days
they
                sleep
without
                 touching

You blamed me for keeping you like an animal caged
But honey didn't you see the stars that traced every bar in beige?