1.  the night is all the day wishes it could be; it's better for thinking, and loving, and dreaming.
2. each night i go out to look at the sky and admire the stars.
3. to see the stars, a certain amount of darkness is required.
4. all the darkness in the world can't ***** out the light from a single candle.
5. i overthink impossible amounts of scenarios, as many as the infinite stars spanning the sky.
6. you are the last thing on my mind as i fall asleep.
7. you are all i ever dream about.
8. you are the first thing on my mind when i wake.
9. you don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or their talent.
10. you love them because they sing a song that only you can hear, a song that resonates and harmonizes with your soul.
11. music is a language, just like english or spanish, that's why it's difficult for some people to learn and understand.
12. the sky transitioning from cool blue to warm orange-pinks to freckled black gives off a 5-1 cadence feel.
13. the moon shines brightest when there is no one there to see.
14. the sun may watch me during the day, but it's the moon who knows all my secrets and desires.
15. like the stars, gentle and beautiful, you are exactly like them: i couldn’t be with you, only admire you.

My birthday is on the 19th
it'll be a riot
the next day, they say

My birthday is on the 19th
the rioters won't be quiet
come what may

My birthday is on the 19th
I'm not adhering to my diet
that bittersweet day

My birthday is on the 19th
I'm not so happy about it this year

My birthday is on the 19th
the next day fills me with fear

My birthday is on the 19th
can't be near those I hold dear

My birthday is on the 19th
it'll be a riot, they say
come what may, the 19th is my day

i want the butterflies
glowing in my lungs
whispering nervous truths

i crave the breath
catching in my throat
warm bodies brought together

i'd **** for dancing
physical, verbal, tantric
never knowing who is leading
---
i miss first dates
the hopeful feeling fraught with nerves
fidgeting as you giggle at jokes that aren't funny

and all the learning,
favorite colors that grow to anecdotes
and then to second dates

all the time it's blossoming;
blooming into something real,
butterflies depart, letting only light remain

and i can stop the pining easily
love songs are vibrant; poetry melts hearts
but don't romanticize me
---
i've been the final girl at a haunted house
cleaning up bodies; exercising ghosts
i don't need your love to be full

i don't have another half, i'm already whole
and you can be my twin flame, if you won't fizzle out
i've had many matches that only left smoke
---
and if our love is a circus, and you are the clown
don't be surprised if i wait in the crowd
i'm done pulling teeth; and i'm tired of games
friend, lover, soulmate- i'm tired of names

i'm tired of labels that differ but all feel the same.
when i'm set alight, i'll be feeling no shame
and if you want all of me, i'll have no regrets
but don't string me along, i'm no marionette

Sweet... so sweet at first; as if intending to overbear, and then in a moment's breath, the intensity having mellowed fades.

Next one's tongue does greet, a nuttiness that begs it to retreat; reviving dead memories of when you two first did meet.

Having now fallen from heights, be they ***** or steep; the taste of your tongue becomes bittersweet. Ending this final kiss, silently pledging to lose neither hope nor sleep; heartbreak leaves the taste of caramel upon your teeth.

to think there’s a reality
in which we never parted,
to think of our naivety
saying we’d keep in contact,

it hurts to think of what might be
if i’d only stopped to ask
if you’d care, years later, about me;
but enough dwelling on the past.

Being in love with someone
who's in love with someone else
and it's Christmas
...
the best time of the year

Have you ever seen a smile
that made you turn away with glee
have you ever felt a face so close
eyes contacting
like a particle collision.
This will end in a heavy mess, and yet -
a portrait with such warmth.
radiating in a such a way star beams envy it's smirk.
and supernovae would **** for the smile.
when you look at me I know
I'm here
I'm real
I'm alive
These thoughts bring tiny Heat deaths to my chest
expanding forever
I might never exhale, if only to draw in the moment
and die with it inside me.
but, I won't
superfluous words merely orbit my skull
with a stronger gravity
pulling them further from you
tearing chucks of me elsewhere
until eventually your warm glow, is merely
a scintillation

Memories of you
are dust-specks in sunbeams.
Capricious ghosts that flicker and dance

in warm liquid gold.
Elusive and volatile. Liable to cascade at a
glance.

In time they will settle. I will not,
for a while.
I will sit with ghosts. I will let them dance.

Someone else’s immortality is the heaviest thing to carry
When you left, I realized I would take you with me forever
A weight on my shoulders and a hand in my own
Barely there but never fading

I carry you in the way I see your silly habits
Chewed up nails, toe tapping, off key whistling
When I hear 90s rock on my messed up car radio
I hold you close when I see women with bruises
Wishing, forever begging
that I could have saved you
I reach for you when it’s three am and I dream about our sleepovers
I miss your tired eyes, the coffee you kept in your cup

I carry you in three little rings, along with everyone else
A shirt you gave me and jeans I stole
A necklace you handed me, always on display
I miss you in the static of the phone call when I told you I loved you
I miss you when I smell the ink of the letter you gave me years before you left
The only proof I have that you loved me too

The weight of your immortality is the heaviest thing I’ve carried

Knowing every day you are lost, as I am without you
Begging and wishing with all my heart that you are safe
Your immortality, will be my burden to bear.
Knowing every day you are no longer the person I grew up with.

I will carry the memory of you forever.  

I will grow older,
I will marry and have children and accomplish my life’s goals
And you will forever be stuck 18
Cheap hair dye, battered sneakers, and your dads old car
You are immortal in me, never changing even as you do
And it kills me to think how wrong I might be

Your immortality is the heaviest task I’ve had.
Yet I carry on;
Committing you to memory
What an honor it is to carry you