In the mirror through tears, i notice that i am dressed in the scars of every deep wound I played off like a paper cut, and the phone in my pocket weighs a thousand pounds from your text messages.

I want to skip the ******* thing in a river.

Oil and water but just as much as I know we won’t ever mix, you convince me it’s all part of the recipe.

I have shrank down, cut pieces of myself like a cake and served everyone at every table a slice every time.

Stuffed my baggage in the closet and let you move yours in instead.

Cried like an anxious dog who’s owner wasn’t around.

And we called this pain love, for 20 years.

I slipped into the role, thanks to my parents.

Mentally ill and emotionally unaware,
It’s so easy to choose what’s easy and so hard to notice your love has gone rotten.

I changed my perspective and every smooth word started to sting.

I was kind as you were building up pieces of me to fuel your own fire.

I understood until I couldn’t anymore, but you never would.

Change your perspective with me, climb the mountain and realize the hike’s easier on the way down, i would’ve carried you all the way up if you asked me. But we sat for 20 years and heard everybody on the way back down talk about the view.

I chose to sit with you instead. And when I finally took that first step up, I should’ve known it meant leaving you behind me.

I am my own destiny. I am the bullet in the chamber and the consequences of the trigger pull. I am my own mind, I tended the garden of fear and worry and constant replay of mistakes and regret. I am more than who I think I should be for anyone else.


good luck with all the **** you’ve got going on. disrespectfully yours, your ex “best friend”

Missing someone is always hard to imagine
The doubts in my mind always keep eating me
Does she not like me, does she not love me, am I not a good bestie
I wish I was with you when you went through your hard times
I wish I was with you all the times you shred tears
Holding you in my embrace and saying 'everything's okay '
Even though I'm physically not with you
I'm always there in your heart
So when you miss me
Fell your heartbeat
And think of the memorable moments we spent talking, playing and making fun
But remember I love you always and forever...
Don't worry I will never leave you, even for a man

I'm not living in the past,
I'm holding on to memories,
Life passes by so fast,
I'm clinging to what used to make us,
laugh,
I'm wishing this could have last',
I'm not living in the past,
I'm just holding onto what we-
What I have left,
Hoarding what I can salvage,
I'm not missing you,
not a bit,
I'm missing who you used to be,
I'm not swimming,
I'm drowning,
I'm not flying,
I'm falling,
I'm not living,
I'm just procrastinating the inevitable,
I'm not living in the past,
I'm holding on to memories.

You are nothing, worse than nothing,
You are the dog **** I step in when I go for a jog,
The intrusive thought that keeps me awake at night,
The betrayal of a best friend turned enemy.
I cried on your shoulder, you smirked at the opportunity.
I wanted to die, you wanted to ****.
I said no! You insisted on anything.
Pity. Pity, pity, pity, pity, pity.
I agree, helpless, alone, desperate, betrayed, suicidal
You know nothing!
I now dream of beatings, but I am not the victim rather the inflictor
I raise my fists, you cower in fear
I strike, you dodge
Always out of my reach.
But poor you.
My mother and father will always be by my side, yours love you but do not like you
You look over your shoulder at every turn
The promise of me being silent, a withering desperate attempt to save yourself
I waste away, you waste with me
NO
I did not get to choose this fate but I will live with it
I will be successful
I will be loved
I will be safe
I will spend time with my friends
I will tell my sister I love her
I will not waste any more time on you.
I will clean the **** from my shoe and keep on running.
My life is worth it.

I wasn't the one, you weren't alone,
You were just in need of a friend.
But I was there when you needed
someone to listen, I wasn't your
friend but unbiased ears never
            tell you false lies..

I'll tell you what you don't want to hear.

I'm car when you crossed the road,
         hit and run on your road
of potholed truths that others
                                         filled in.


I wasn't a friend, you weren't alone,
you were just in need of a voice.
But I was there when you needed
someone's truth. I wasn't your
friend we'd only just met.
      
I'll tell you what you don't want to hear.

I'm the car when you crossed the road,
         hit and run on your tarmac
of potholed truths that others
                                         filled in.
With false gratitude cos they charged
you for the air they filled you with.

I was a friend, new off the press no secrets
    no lies to hold back. filling you with
the honesty you had missed.
           Not your bestie, just a new face
in your reflection with no need to be

                              two faced....