you want to blame me.
you don't want me.
you despise my body.
attracted to others, I know you are.
You say you are hurt.
but you really don't like me.
you hate me for getting attention elsewhere...
all the while you are ignoring me.
Whose cheating on who?
You left me long ago.

You don't like me.
So, do not act like you do.
Be honest you like others.
Cheating ***** you don't have to touch them.
Be honest I make you sick.
You hated me long ago.
Leaving me to die a slow death.
Wiping your ***** hands in your lofty chair.
In my cage beaten and starved.
You would have let me die, while you watched my last breathe.

Relentless love
what can I do?
Who am I too be given
such grace?

Relentless love
you have have pursued me
across the vastness.

You have have longed
for my heart,
you have followed me
through the blackest nights.
Never have you forsaken me
never have you left.

I now surrender myself into your care
I forfeit my pride
I raise my hands
and I fall on my knees.

For far have I fallen
far have I traveled.
Long have I ran.

Yet “No more”
My soul screams out.
“No more running,
no more hiding”

Broken and beaten
bloodied and bruised
I fall at the feet of
relentless love,
and offer myself to his mercy.

Relentless love
has saved me.
Relentless love is all
I need.
Relentless love
what can I do?

She uses expensive makeup to cover up
all the bruises she has been given.
Broken and beaten she managed to fake a smile
it seemed she was always convincing people she was fine.
But really she wasn’t.
That night when she had to go to the hospital
everyone found out what he had done to her.
He hit her out of his drunken anger
and now she had to pay the piper.

3 cracked ribs and a swollen eye
was enough for them to question why?
It was all her mother's fault in her mind
leaving her alone with that man when she was only nine
to face his nightly wrath.
She was so innocent and young
and there was nothing she had done wrong.

Endless darkness envelops the young girls classroom
She sobs silently awaiting her nightly lesson
His shadow looms with her in his toxic embrace
Her heart stops
So does time and space
Suspended and vulnerable- she is schooled
He forces down her cries of wrong answers with manipulative lips
And whispers his answers in her young ears
As if she can understand him
He doesn't care as his hands begin to creep
She tenses
Knowing whats to come
A routine pop quiz  
Her instincts scream at her to simply skip
It wasn't mandatory, she could walk away
She doesn't
She knows what must be done
His hands still creep
A whimper breaks from its cage
So does a glimpse of his rage
A pain in her side
Reminds her not to say a peep
Or pass the notes summarizing his lessons
His destination reached
As if bleached
Her color slowly fades
Her essence
Once a plethora of iridescent lights
Now chained to his chalk stained hands
Are as black as an eclipsed sun
Knowing nothing else but his lessons
She obediently lays
She tries to clear her mind
Focus on her answers
Tries to leave whats left of herself behind
Distractions weren't acceptable
Wanting simply nothing more
Then for her life to be like it was before
Before pop quizes
And true or false test
Before projects displaying your talents
The talents teacher spent weekends making sure she knew like the back of her small hands
But teacher needs her focused
Though her cries are no longer caged
They go unnoticed
Why would teacher care to notice?
He was teaching!
She trembles with the pain
All the hatred and disdain
Emotions cloud her head
The questions began to run together
Adding to her dread of another lessons end
She prays that soon it will be over
But not everthing has been covered
And teacher is always sure to be thorough
The young girl is panicked
Once again she can't keep up
She is lost
As a result, her work suffers
While teacher grades her work
His rage is unleashed
All her answers are still wrong!
Class was over
But detention was waiting

You say
I am turning
into the lady
with the large book
and CD collection,
with isolated friends
and few dates,
whose only love
will be a cat man
one day.
But I'm enjoying
my Saturday
with Kerouac
and kin,
dreaming of
yellow lines and
the open road
instead of
yellow lights
and bars.
Plus,
I'd rather write
these lines alone,
than spend my night
talking in code.

Daddy says join the football team.
Daddy says answer me when he talks.
Daddy says be the best.
Daddy says be a man.
|||
But I wish not to be a footballer.
Or any kind of sportsman.
I wish to write.
I wish to read.
|||
As much as I long for the words.
The ones that form in my head.
They cannot be spoken.
They cannot be heard.
|||
Being the best is what I want.
Yet it is so hard if you know not what the best is.
I am not the best.
I am never the best.
|||
How am I to be a man if no-one will show me what a man is.
My father is a strange man, one who beats his son.
My father is not a man.
My father is not a man.
|||