Nena Twedell

Nena Twedell Oct 2015

Little girls paint pictures of themselves in sparkly pink dresses
hidden away in towers
They paint pictures of their knight in shining armor riding into save them.
Little girls dream of fairy tales
Always being reminded that they are the victim
Being reminded that the are never strong enough to be the hero to save themselves
Disney reminding them that little girls in sparkly dresses are never strong enough to save themselves
And that someone else must save them
But I was never like the other little girls
Dawning my armor day after day
refusing to lock my self away
Though this armor gets heavy from time to time
I remember what it was like before I found this new armor
Left vulnerable and lost in the elements
But this armor is molded to my body
Reminding me of the strength that my body holds
Proving to the world one day at a time
That even a princess can be a hero

Nena Twedell Sep 2015

Reminder

You sit watching my every move
Silently judging each breath I take as you sit in the back of my mind
where you have made yourself at home
Your eyes boring holds into my world
Your deep sighs creeping into the most intimate moments of my life
Just waiting for you moment to interject with the voice that haunts me
Leaving all the pieces behind for me to clean up
as if this is what I asked for this
as if you had planned this path that you put me on
White knuckles
And silent streams of tears
Trying to silence the words you say on repeat
Replaying each moment
That I want to forget so deeply
Yet each moment finds a moment to replay
Reminding me of what you caused
Reminding me of the pieces left behind
Reminding me of each word seared into my memory that I will never be able to speak
Pages in my story stuck together with the tears I have cried
I don't want you to win
But I don't know how to put the pieces back together.

Nena Twedell Aug 2015

You wore a cape

We stand at the edge of the parking lot
my child like hands wrapped tightly around your first ******* with your thumb resting on my hand
Like a promise that couldn't ever be broken
A promise that you would always wear a cape
So you could rescue me from all of my demons
But step by step
Your cape became tattered
your grip began to loosen
I keep trying to hold on tighter reaching for your other *******
that have never seemed so far away
until now
The promises you once held in the palm of you hands
freely handing them out as if they were breathe mints
begin to lose power
The mint begins to fade just like the gum from a quarter machine looses its flavor just moments after touching your tongue
but I try to hold on to each one
hoping that someday the flavor will comeback
hoping that the thread in your cape will be sewn back together with miracles from angels above
I hang on tighter
Calling each night
just to remind you of how much I adore you
using all of the chewed up gum ***** to hold on to your fingers together
Repeating all of the promises in my mind
Screaming "Some day"
But your hair has begun to turn grey
and wrinkles have begun to crawl across your face
your hands begin to become fragile
but I refuse to let go
Empty promises stack on the shelf
like ***** dishes in the sink
as if reminders of what it used be like at the edge of the parking lot
When I held your first *******
your thumb resting on my hand
and you wore a cape

#promises #demons #angels #gum #mints #miracles #cape #rescue #dishes

Nena Twedell Aug 2015

voicemail

Hi this is Nena's phone, I can't come to the phone right now
I'm on a journey
I don't really know I am anymore
you can leave a message but chances are I probably won't return it any time soon
if its an emergency hang up now and call 9-1-1! I can't help you!
Don't try to find me because I'm on a journey
somewhere between the past and the future
I don't really know when I will be back
but if you are in this for the long haul
please leave a message at the tone

#journey #voicemail

Nena Twedell Jul 2015

Your Eyes

I look into your eyes and the person I see is not the one I remember
your eyes tell a story
They show the hope that you hold on to in a time of darkness
Yet your eyes are vacant
as vacant as the lot down the street
I watch you go about your day as if a shell of the woman I used to know
Your voice has changed
Once slow to anger and quick to giggle
now the tables have turned
as curse words roll off your tongue as if they were the names of your children.
What was once sincere laughter and joy
is now silent grimaced and tears
The woman that once was flourishing with life who taught me everything about sugar and spice has since disappeared
This new woman is the shell of a woman I used to know
full of anger and sadness
I look in your eyes and I miss you

#anger #mom #mother #changes

Nena Twedell May 2015

Frayed Threads

We held hands in the dark
When we couldn’t find another hand to hold
We sewed them together so if we ever got lost we would know that we’d never be alone
Watched the stars and the moon play peek a boo with the clouds
And we danced in the rain
Because we knew that together we were safe from the world
Each taking turns shielding each others hearts from the pain of the outside
Building walls of protection piece by piece
Promising each other the sun will rise soon
Just be patient
Because night can only last for so many days
But the stitches in our hands grew lose
And roots of bitterness grew in our hearts
And nothing seemed to be perfect anymore
As we tried to fix all the stitches at the top
The bottom ones began to fall
Threads began to fray
Leaving festering feelings of anger and hurt
We tried to ignore it all
Tried to keep it all together
But the bitterness and anger grew
Suffocating slowly
If we both died would it be joint suicide
Would it be a love story that would resemble Romeo and Juliet
Or would it be a homicide
Because we found the scabs that hurt the most
And pushed until we couldn’t go anymore
We held each other
While squeezing the others vulnerable heart
Until pieces slowly began to crack
As if we were boa constrictors squeezing their prey for the next meal
Yet never actually killing the prey
But letting it suffer breathe by breathe
Yet never letting it enjoy its last few moments of life
Broken promise and broken hearts
Pain written in the clouds above
The inevitable written in the stars
It’s time to rip the last of these stitches out as if they were band aids
Let these wounds have a chance to finally heal
It’s time to let the sun rise and to see what around the next bend in the road
Because our hearts won’t heal behind these walls
And our silent murders are getting out of hand
Wash the blood off your hands and say our good byes
Because this will be the last sip of poison that I will take

#love #heartbreak #pain #friendship #night #lover #goodbyes #stitches #threads #shakepeare

Nena Twedell Mar 2015

rolling hills and picket fences

Rolling hills and picket fences
Baby I’m coming home to hold you in my arms
I know it’s been far too long
Baby I hear your prayers at night
Don’t you worry
I will be home soon
Rolling hills and picket fences
The sun is setting
but baby please don’t cry
I will be home to wipe away your tears and to silence all of your fears
Baby just trust me one more time
Can you hear me yet?
Rolling hills and picket fences
I know it hasn’t been so easy
Us being so far apart
But listen closely the window
Because I will home to hold you tonight
Just keep holding on for me babe
Rolling hills and picket fences
I’m coming home
Rolling hills and picket fences
I’m coming home