church bells going off in my head
ringing on and on
until I can't sleep and I kneel
just to speak to god
and I don't even believe in him
but I never knew
that the church bells meant you.

Though so well I hide,
And my life's a masquerade
Though, evеrytime I cried
And told: "That's charade"

Though many times I said:
"Don't believe my tears
My heart has never bled,
I'm cold, I have not fears"

Though acted as the happiest, see
Wore wide deceitful smile
When heard : "Go, live without me"
I thought : WIll it be worthwhile?

How easily can world colapse
When heard:"Get out of sight!"
You know, on the church steps
The atheist cried.

Though thought soul's eternal,
When heard:"Forever goodbye"
Stopped the song vernal,
Eternal soul died.

I've been driving at night
With every seat empty but the drivers
Hoping my mind and the road are the same
It seems to me I'm always in the wrong lane

Streetlights are the only illumination
On a dead and silent nation
I've never been religious
So my tires pray
And an engine's hum
To replace words I can never say

God as in asphalt ,driving to exist

I do not want an old man God sat in a throne,
Judging from afar with sceptre and gold
riding on a cloud, sombre and haloed,
stern faced, woolly warm beard stroking,
Michelangelo-esque nighty clad, run of the mill deity.

I do not want a Sunday morning liturgy reference God,
inhabiting musty buildings, documented within dusty books, out dated, out rated, out of duty once a week
(twice if you include the mid-week bible study),
appeasing a sick relative, reluctant, habit God.

I do not want a jolly nodding head back shelf of the car job, kitsch icon, only when it suits me, pocket amenity,
fashion accessory, hobby gimmick God; a God modelled
from routine and agenda and TV evangelism, a convenience style digestible man made allusion.

I don’t want a controlling egomaniac parent God, bent on
setting us unattainable goals and tasks then throwing
a tantrum when the model train set breaks; or a God
who is distant, self-righteous, passive and out of touch,
an elusive, reclusive, exclusive God,

I want an ‘I Am who I Am’ God, whose boundaries are so
immense that to trace them would destroy you. A God
who is completely indefinable, that every brushstroke
put to canvas, every conceivable melody whistled, that
every imaginable word uttered, would barely compare.

I want a God who to stand before would burn my eyes out, make my heart explode; that I would be totally devastated. Yet, a God who is approachable and approaches, a God who is in the here and now, surrounding, dumbfounding, astounding, a God with promise and hope you can taste.

A God who breaks all the boundaries and exceeds every
human expectation and limitation, a God who hears and feels every longing, every desire and creates opportunity,
empowering the heart that cries out, stilling the soul when it aches, a God of promise and hope and deliverance.

I want a God unlike any parent, friend, lover, sovereign, reckless in compassion and filthy with goodness, available and ever there. So dangerously loving, so excessively wise and firm, yet tender, knowing, emotive, compassionate, A God who takes my grief. A God asking to be found and worth being sought.

i used to pray once
when i believed in winged men
and life after death

God: Something everyone ponders. For the theist "what if he doesn't exist?" and to an atheist, "what if he does exist?"

What happens to me once I'm gone
I will be but dust, an echo of what I
was yes i never think of my life of what
I was and what I have now become.

I always believed in what I saw, what
was explained through what was
mathematical and the complex
understanding of this marvolous universe.

I cant understand how words that are
but taken as all. Even if through nothing
is proven, people believe just words
rational thinking of contradictory thought.

Could others understand the the reason for
wanting to belive in something other than
self. Is it to put blame on something when
ourselves are to blame for right and wrong.

What happens to me once I'm gone
I will be but dust, ill not wish that
I had been some one else. Not blaming
or giving credit for something else.

*"Are actions are our own, we are responsible for
what we do as individuals and a society,

I am the eclectic witch
There are no gods to tell me how to live
But the wind howls my fate
Where the rain falls I will dance
Because I prefer sandalwood to perfume
I am the eclectic witch I have no coven
Only the flora and fauna
And the tip of a blade
Where grass grows I will prance
Because I prefer metaphysics to religion

I have grown,
Yet people think I have fallen.
I have known,
Yet I am tired of calling.

A mere boy at twelve years of age,
I became something frightening.
A mere child who turned a nasty page,
The change struck like lightning.

I had seen abuse,
Trauma plagued me each day,
I dreamed of noose,
Thought God would make me pay.

People met my words,
I called them ******* and ******,
Mocked them as *****, geeks, and nerds,
For my mind had few doors.

My homosexuality burned within my being,
Struggling against the bonds of religion.
I did not want people to start seeing,
My ****** "sin", fragile as a caged pigeon.

I cut into my wrists,
Hoping for some truth to seep out,
Every day I encountered lists,
Of similar youth who "noped" out.

God hated me, that I believed,
He wanted me to bleed then die,
I knew not how to be relieved,
Knowing my pigeon would never fly.

But as the abused grow tired of abusers,
I became tired of God,
Whom dealt me a life of users,
A life significantly flawed.

My situation was not enough,
For the pain did not end with abuse, or cutting,
He dealt me the deaths of three I loved,
Set on the task of my gutting.

Or so I believed at the time,
When God harbored within me.
When mythology guided my climb,
When I remained unfree.

I threw off the shackles of religion,
No fictional being could **** my pigeon.
What God would put me through all that,
Then proceed to bless a sewer rat.

What God would **** children,
What God would **** children?
You do not have an answer.
Why do children die to cancer?

I will respect you,
But I will not share your belief.
Too much pain, for me and others,
It continues to daily reap.

I have grown,
Yet people think I have fallen.
I have known,
Yet I am tired of calling.

Something that existed
Before nothing
Made something
From nothing
In seven days
Then fooled a man
With a snake
And a woman
Then flooded something
And made it
Nothing
Then gave us something
A spirit
And a son
Who was God
Or was he?
Raised from the dead
Then nothing
For two thousand years
Except a book
In another language
From another land
And you believe
That's alright
But what does that have to do with me?
The law
Spoken from your lips
Demanding tithes
Judging
Preaching
Witnessing
Praying
Laying hands
Faith healing
Speaking in tongues
Evangelizing
Lifting up
Right
Wrong
Fear
Yeah
That's a lot of talk
But what does that have to do with me?
Born of the same man
But not the same Mom
Separated
Sent away
Living in the desert
Believing in miracles
Of a ****** birth
Of ascension from life
Further revelation
The final prophet
And you believe
That's alright
But what does that have to do with me?
From nothing
Something
Primordial soup
A fish
A monkey
A man
Then death
Then nothing
And you believe
In nothing
That's alright
But what does that have to do with me?
Which miracle should I believe?
The miracle of a God?
The miracle of life from nothing?
The miracle of my life?
The miracle of yours?
How can I be sure?
How can you?
Yet you are
And I am not
Your assuredness
Leads
My skepticism
Follows
The more you believe
The less I do
Why must I be like you?
Are alms not enough?
Stop shaking my shoulders
Stop telling me I’m going to die
Stop telling me I am not chosen
Stop telling me only idiots believe in God
Stop
I met you forty years ago
Then again
And again
Each time
A difference face
Each time
With the same message
Believe
Don’t believe
It never changes
So stop
Please
I've heard it
I've thought about it
I've felt it
You cannot reach me
Only I can reach myself
I know how bad I can be
I know how I hurt others
I know my capabilities
I know my limitations
I know I need to forgive
And I know how I feel
I know
Ok?
So you live
As will I
Let me follow my path
It will be unspoken
I cannot tell
I will not tell
Maybe you will see
Maybe you will know
So
As you follow your path
While disapproving of mine
And you find yourself
Trippin'
Because you were judging my way
Instead of living your own
You might ask yourself
What does it have to do with him?