go to the doctor
keep weights in your pocket

don't forget to eat
change topic

"i'm not hungry"
eat

"i ate earlier"
don't forget to eat

When a diet
Became a way to lose weight

When calories
Became a negative word

When 130 pounds
Became overweight

When skinny
Became positive

That was when
All the little girls started *dying

I admit it..
I'm an attention *****.

I starve myself, even though i know how skinny i am, even though i know 100 lbs is not a lot.

I starve myself so people will notice me.
Talk about me.
Feel bad for calling me all that rude stuff.

For the
"I want her body"
For the
"Did you lose weight"
For the
People who will start caring.

So people will talk behind my back about how i never eat.

But also to have legs to die for, and a waist to love.
To be perfect.

So this the story of
My childhood lane
I remember it clear
Nothing but pain

" You're so fat"
I was always told
I was living misery
Just nine years old

I starved myself
I got underweight
Got used to it all
For I never ate

Everyone noticed
Thought I was fine
I was really sick
And bearly nine

No one ever helped
No one ever knew
All the starvation
And lies I could do

They all assumed
I was naturally thin
Little did they know
What I have been

Continuously ill
To this very day
I can't recover
I'm not okay

My lover introduced me to a girl named Ana today.
She is an emancipated horror who I am scared to know.

My lover told me he introduced all his exes to Ana, Ana will help our relationship grow
I ask if he thinks I'm fat
All he says is to get to know ana and Things will be better.

I shake hands with Ana and her voice Is intoxicating but I refuse to become addicted
She promises to let me be, only see me when I truly need.
Little did I know her fingers were crossed.

My loved coaxes me to meet with Ana more often
Run with her before school and sit with her at lunch
I hope she joins me for dinner tonight.

My lover praises me and tells me I'm becoming beautiful
But I wonder
Is he praising me or Ana
She's the beautiful one
And I am still fat

My lover tells me Ana made the *** better
As I screamed his name over and over again
In attempts to forget mine
And he loves that I no longer want the lights on when we do the deed
Praying the dark will hide the layers of chub clinging beneath my skin

My lover expects Ana to be with us at all times
I get angry at her and push her away breaking all her rules
And feeling guilty
I hope she'll take me back I learned my lesson
I crawl back to Ana

My lover introduces me to Mia
Says she'll be there for me when Ana fails me
Mia has scars on her knuckles and thin hair
But she promises what Ana denied me
And I gladly wrap my arms around her

My lover tells me ana and Mia are the only friends I'll ever need
I have to agree
My others have left me
My true friends tell me
It was because I was skinnier than them
But now I'm the fattest friend again

My lover is proud of Ana Mia and I
Tells me they've made me perfect
I can finally stop meeting them
I agree
And later that night the three of us rendezvous in the bathroom
To test the scale
And my gag reflex

My lover is angry at me
I've betrayed him with my meetings
He tells me if I don't leave them he'll leave me
Is tired of waking up to find me with my head passed out on the toilet seat

My lover is no longer mine
Left me for a curvy girl
Well that's fine with me
My only true loves are Ana and Mia
And I know they'll never leave me.

My new lovers make me pretty
And tell me I'll soon be perfect like them
I feel beautiful every time I lose the weight
But they make me feel useless when I don't follow their commands

My lovers tell me not to talk to a boy
Explain I'm not thin enough yet
Tell me to **** in my stomach when he looks at me
But I sense no judgement in his eyes
I tell them this is what they've prepared me for
And they scream that I'm not ready and he'll take them away from me
I'm scared to lose them
But I still meet him when I've managed to keep them at bay with leaf

My lovers are suffocating me
Shoving their fingers down my throat and slamming my wrist to the table when I pick up a fork
I'm scared they'll never let me be
Their eyes are hallow
And I can't find their compassion

My lovers are no longer beautiful
I see them as they are
Emancipated lifeless things
Praying for me to join them
They hold out their skeletal hands
Begging me to take them
Their lips are blue and voice raspy
And I want nothing more to run away but I'm stuck in place

I've left my lovers
They're still screaming
Clinging to my back with surprising weight
Hair falling out onto me
Whispering sweet nothings
Then screaming when I don't so as they say

My lover
Is a boy who sees me without fear
Does not scare away when he sees the girls clinging to me
Or the way my ribs jut out when I don't eat for a day
And I trust him every time he tells me
I'm beautiful
Even though the girls are whispering in ashen voices
***** I make you beautiful
Please come back and I'll make you drop dead gorgeous.
But I don't want to be gorgeous if it means being six feet under.

My old lovers are shrinking
Voices drying up every time I sip cream filled coffee
Arms weakening every time I lift the bite of cake to my lips.
They are dying with every meal I eat
Their voices getting quieter the longer I go without listening.
I only hope one day they do die
So that way I don't.

One lover introduced me to a horrendous disease. I'm not going to call them Ana and Mia anymore Because naming them is just a sad way of trying to control them
As if by personifying them We make them less dangerous Like a game or child's story. But this is a disease that killed thousands and almost killed me. One in five girls with an eating disorder die. I was one of the lucky few Don't be the one. Get help.If I can defeat this You can obliterate it. It won't be easy But it'll be more than worth it. Throw away the scale Burn the tape measurer You are more than a number You are beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you different. not a lover Or society Or yourself. Love yourself And others will follow suit. And in case you need to hear it I love you. Beat this I'll be here, Never be afraid to ask for strength. I don't have much But I'll give you all of it. If only to see you wake up in your bed instead of on the floor of the bathroom Stuck to the tile by sweat. To weak to sit up To tired to breath no matter who you are or what you've done No matter your lowest or highest weight Or how many ribs I can see No matter if I even know your name I love you. And if you ever need it I'll be here Just a message away And I promise I will give you all the strength I have just to help you get through a meal. Even if what you need is someone to sit and hold your hand and encourage you to take every bite or someone to tell you that you are beautiful when you can't bring yourself to fully believe it.
So please help yourself and Don't listen to others say "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" because so many things do.
Fresh donuts with coffee on days you don't want to face the light of morning
Pizza with friends while playing ****** video games and watching even ******* rom coms
Thanksgiving turkey
Christmas ham
Hot cocoa with a lover who sees stars in your eyes
But most of all
Life.
Life tastes better than any number.

But darling what she didn't know, was that the search for perfection would **** her

I met a girl named Ana
she is beautiful in every possible way
her body is perfect, and she was
determined to stay

I made a friend named Ana
she promised to tell me her secrets of perfection
what I didn't know wouldn't **** me
until it led to addiction

my best friends name is Ana
she's always talking to me
recommending to skip two meals
maybe even three

I hate a girl named Ana
she promised me pleasure
instead I feel dead inside
it's nothing but torture

I'm prisoner to a girl named Ana
please, somebody listen to my silent crys
I can't speak my own mind
help me before I die!

my murders name is Ana
she made me starve, she made me weak
death wasn't the solution
I tried to seek

You may not want me here
But I am here to stay
I can help you ****
Those pounds you wish away

To improve your image
And help you feel delight
To stare into your reflection
And love the beautiful sight

We'll start with just a pound
Or maybe even more
Just walk into your bathroom
And behind you shut the door

It's okay darling
Not losing weight yet?
Alright, we'll cut some meals
No need to be upset

Your shedding weight pound for pound
But still you are not pleased
Your own reflection mocks you
And in public you are teased

Even now as you look in the mirror
You still want to lose it all
Down to 60 pounds
And all of your teardrops fall

You still felt worthless,
Not good enough
And life around you
Was getting too tough

You were killing yourself
And you just wanted it to end
You still wanted more
Of what I recommend

And now your dead
Because you were a little overweight
And you never believed your friends
When they told you "you look great"

Are you anorexic?

No,
I'm not anorexic
I've just got a
Stomach bug

I've never heard of
A stomach bug like that...

Yeah,
It's really weird
They just discovered it
See,
It actually spreads
Through your mind

Well, what are the symptoms?

It's simple,
You feel fat
And lazy
And stupid
All the time

And it makes you sick,
And then you don't eat

Sounds anorexic to me...

*I'm not anorexic!

she’s skinny
*
her waist is the size of the outside of her mirror

her stomach is empty

when she breaths in 
she sorta stays there

but she’s skinny

she’s skinny
she cuts 
more than she eats
but she’s skinny

she’s skinny
she pretends her birthday makeup will change

anything

but she’s skinny

she’s skinny

she can barley breathe**

*but she’s skinny