so last night i was kicking rocks at reality-
trying to flip the entire universe like a pancake
but the moon laughed at my fruitless toil
for the universe exists in paradox-
and in my night watch
i dug into the soil
and ended up on the shoulders
of our planet
watching
her inhabitants try to make sense
of imperceptible subjects
such as why
who has sealed
all things within her palms
to bar philosophers
who have made gods of reason
i dare to worship
existence-
to be smothered in the
beauty of what is
and is
with or without description.
and so i look inward to quest(ions)
which are themselves, answers-
as i am a universe.

bubbles in my ***
i'm squirting sparkling water
jug it down like we're at a teenage party

they call me a paris fountain
throw your lucky pennies
i can be your wishing well

how could u tell you dont like me that way
i'll make your life a treacherous hell

do you even know me
does it ring a bell
****** with my success cuz
you're a wreck who will never make it til the end

you slide into my dms and disappear the next day
you say u a producer?
maker of disaster maybe

you change your mind like bpms
baby im gonna make your words pay

do you lay awake at night
completely restless
thinking of me
like i do you?

do you wonder if i lay alone
or have the heat of someone else keeping me warm,
keeping me company?
do you think about the nights we spent talking rather than sleeping
knowing **** well we both had to work at the crack *** of dawn the next day?
do you think about our kisses,
the ones you insisted came in threes,
and wish you could have just one more
just to remember the feeling that came along with them?
do you think about the time where we went wrong?
where you went wrong?
do you think about the words you spit into my face,
the words you knew would sear my heart that never ceased to beat for you?

do you think about me and get angry knowing i left?
do you think about me and get sad knowing you lost me?

do you even care?
did you ever care at all?
or is it just me?
or was it just me?

i cant help but wonder these things
as i lay awake at night
completely restless
thinking of you.

n.p.

I argue with you inside my head
Angered by words you've never said.

I write our scripts to my design
Then am vexed when you botch your lines.

I'm sorry that you are uncomfortable
with the rage in my body
that makes my hands shake
and my vision blur;
I didn't realize
that my emotions
made you uncomfortable.

When everything is said and done
I will collect the pieces of yourself you left behind on our living room floor
I will place them in a box and I will put them on my shelf
for a time-
They will cry for you to come back and claim them again
Like me-
they will tell themselves
You would never decide you could live without them
But eventually-
they will grow dust
and become tired of longing for someone
who will never come back
And so will I

- We are more than the love they did not give

It’s not my fault,
The way I am, you know?
I’ve seen some things,
They made me grow.

But grow is a lie
And mad is more true,
I wonder how I got here
I really ******* do.

Il find out one day
Of that I’m sure
But until then
I’m gonna close the door

Because if I’m honest
And I don’t stop,
Il probably blow my brains out
And I haven’t got a mop.

I can feel myself drifting
The white noise so loud
It blurries my already hazy vision
I don't know where I'm going
I'm not sure if I'm scared anymore
Or if I'm just tired of it all
My body feels so heavy
I don't know how it moves anymore
I'm so angry at me
Why cant I get off of my drifting sea
I don't know