I always say I feel free
when no one knows my name.
But after a year here, it gets old.
Now I say summers for love.
Love for the vinyl on my turntable,
for silent nights,
for frolicking in fields of grass,
for hair flowing in the wind,
and for myself.
I’ll head into summer alone
and find happiness alone.

In the blistering Texas sun
metal rods will burn skin
and drops of sweat
will spoil bare vanilla perfume.
Friends will leave
while kids play in the street.
But who can grow without pain?
my heart will never allow me
to grow without it.

So when that final bell rings
marking the end of our time,
I’ll choose between staying
to watch strangers come and go,
love and leave, smile and forget
wishing that were me
hugging my friends farewell
or leave silently.
Letting the sway of my hips,
the rhythm of each step I take,
and the small smile on my lips
say my goodbye.
To trust summer's promise of freedom.

Blocked. And just like that, the world falls silent. But silence is never truly empty, something must fill the void. Teardrops splatter against the ground, streaming from weary eyes like rain on a metal rooftop. A rhythmic, sorrowful percussion. Ears ring, drowning out everything, even the hush of solitude. The quiet sobs of defeat escape, reluctant but unstoppable. I can’t bear it. Each passing minute winds me tighter into the spiral, every breath shallower than the last, as if a crushing weight is pressing down on my chest. My fingers claw at my face, pleading for the tears to stop, but they refuse, relentless, unyielding reminders. My hands curl into fists, nails digging deep into my palms, desperate to grasp a rope that is no longer there. I should get up, find something, anything, to anchor my restless mind. But no matter how hard I try, I am forced to listen. Forced to endure the consequences of my own undoing.

Yes! There I said it
a claim I declare it true
such love and care
rainbow of colors
red, purple, green, orange and blue
many shades of beauty anew
twenty four different vegetables fresh
twelve different greens
olive oil always a must
with a touch of Caesar
to be zesty, and make smiles gleam
truly art for a fancy museum
I impressed myself
only myself it seems
beside this work of art
a bottle of French Merlot
a meal to die for

I stared down
a tear more for the dressing
alone, even the candles now dead
slowly I got up
disposed  the salad in  the garbage
poured the wine down the drain
rains falls outside
darkness rains inside
alone
a meal to die for

I am having my very first heartbreak

Not the one gifted by my highschool sweetheart

Or crushes kissing someone else's,

Not to this extent they made me ache

faking my senses

To the point where I believe my existence is a mistake.


Who am i?


The person who i had to be to become more lovable,

More palatable

Their emotional punching bond,

mental spitting pond


Where am i?


within the vacuum of nothingness, bye,

I am swirling into the great rock bottom beyond,

Where my failures are calling me down to die,

But, Giving up my life to appease the devil can...not.


I am having my very first heartbreak

My parents don’t love me for who i really am

But for who they prefer me to wake

To the expense of my authentic self so i self harm

With an emotional and mental intake,

That keeps my realness locked up, so i  forsake

Because how can I enter this world without them behind my back?


Born to be ashamed, i am

Guilty of inadequacies so they request i parent them

Neglected, i abandon my inner child now orphaned

No place within to call home

Everywhere in my heart its cold, not warm

I crave this loss of love, I am ******!

So i lose my dignity to get as little love i can get, slam

i am having my first heartbreak

Because i am lame

It doesn’t matter how the sun sets,
nor how the clear streams flow.
There is no joy in waves of grain
or brilliant fields of snow.
 
This world in all its glory
spins round eternally,
but glory melts to sand and grey
because there’s only me.
 
I once lived life upon a world
with billions by my side,
where I spent my time wishing
I could run away and hide.
 
I prayed that God would give me
a whole world to call my own.
He granted it and now I live…
eternally alone.

In the quiet hours before dawn,
a weight settles, uninvited, unnamed.
Days drift in slow-motion gray,
each breath heavy, each step rehearsed.

I learned to dance with shadows,
To find rhythm in the void.
Smiles painted on a weary canvas, Laughter echoing in empty halls.

Then you arrived—
a burst of color in my grayscale world,
a melody I never searched for
but somehow needed.
A spark in my endless night.

And now, you're gone.
The weight I once carried so easily
has doubled, pressed into my ribs.
Have the shadows always been this dark?
Has the silence always been this deafening?

I thought I knew sorrow,
thought I had mapped its edges,
But this grief is sharper, louder.
A pain with a familiar name.

So I sit with this ache—
learning to breathe,
learning to carry this weight,
learning to cope
without you.

poor little bunny boy
locked inside your cage
didnt you hear
theres nothing to fear
your death will be staged
this sticky gross flesh will stay on your bones
nobody to love you
your ears trapped in cones
sweet little bunny boy
all alone in this cruel world
everyone is leaving
you have no time for grieving
your soft hair turning frizzy and curled.
dumb little bunny boy
you thought they would stay?
we did too
they all lied to you
youre still the one to pay.
my little bunny boy
stuck in your skin
your small broken voice
lost in the din
my baby bunny boy
everyone is gone
all alone
you stay at home
no one notices youve left
maybe
its
b
e
t
t
e
r
this way.

The chair where you sat is still warm,
but the room has forgotten your voice.
The echoes have softened into dust,
settling in corners I cannot reach.

The morning does not knock the same way.
Its light does not ask for permission,
only spills itself across the floor,
searching for you.

Your name lingers in my throat,
a letter left unsent.
I fold it, once, twice—
but where could it go?

The streets carry on, unburdened.
Even the train you took does not look back.
Only I remain,
watching the last light fade,
pretending it might return.