I am to see to it that I never find you,
dear my stranger.
Because if what Steven Chbosky said was
indeed true,
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
Then, I sure do not believe I deserve you.

i fake my way through everyday
with a numbness inside
my demons are hunting me down
i'm running out of places to hide

they know how to break me down
they know how to make me cry
they know i'm on my knees
i know that i can't hide

with everyday that passes by
a little piece of me gets broken down
soon there'll be nothing left of me
i'll fall without a sound

i've been holding on for too long
it's time to sever my ties
on that last lonely day
rain fell from ashen coloured skies

-----

no need to fake a smile
no numbness left inside
my demons stopped chasing me
i no longer needed to hide

i couldn't be broken down
i couldn't be made to cry
i got up off my knees
i stopped trying to hide

with each day that passed by
i stopped breaking down
there was nothing left of me
i fell without a sound

i stopped holding on so tight
and i severed my ties
on that last lonely day
i said my final goodbyes.

Flesh, flesh, flesh, there’s too much everywhere!
No, I can't be seen like this
There’s too much flesh here
And here as well
I can’t weigh this much at fifteen!
Flesh on my thighs, flesh on my arms
I’ll never fit on the cover of a magazine!
flesh, flesh, FLESH!
I better use a razor, use a knife, use broken glass
Maybe the flesh will leak out, maybe I’ll be flatter
FLESH FLESH FLESH EVERYWHERE
How am I gonna be liked by the boys in class????
No no momma, don’t lie to me, I just know it matters
Flesh FLESH FLESH
ON MY STOMACH
THE ROLLS WHEN I SIT DOWN AND PLUMMET
Do you see it shake when I laugh too much?
No no no I can’t laugh too much
I can’t be happy now, do you see
I heard cigarettes make you skinny and poetic, momma
now don't you lie to me, momma, I'm going outside
I'll go have a smoke, with my FLESH on my sides
THE FLESH FLESH FLESH
It’s like acid, it burns like heartache
FLESH FLESH FLESH
I’m gonna make my scale break
No no momma, I’m not a pretty girl
No momma, this flesh belongs to the monsters under my bed
Who are turning into provoking voices in my head
Screaming FLESH FLESH FLESH
You disgusting little thing
You hog all the food, you hog all the space
You think you’d ever look good in underwear or in lace?
Disgusting little thing,
I can see through you dress
You are no-good-to-love case
I can’t love all of you
All that FLESH FLESH FLESH
My heart is not big enough to love you, girl
And all your FLESH FLESH FLESH.  
                                                              *p.t.

They see me alone all the time.
They wonder, they judge, and they criticize.
They worry, give in, and think they are the ones I am to rely.
But they must know
I am just fine.
Who do I bother? Why do they care?
I feel so
confident, independent, contempt and strong.
I go out into the world alone
I do nothing wrong.
To them, that is a DARE.
I'm alive, I'm here,
I have self-security, I have no fear.
Though a butterfly must travel alone
to find the right place
and to settle and roam.
Then they may not be friends,
but saying hi is always worth a try.
I have not died.
I live in a way that is a concern,
but when they see what I can do, they learn.
How independence is gifted
from the heart.
Avoidance is a move
that can be very smart.
They see I show up,
in shock,
let them be.
I'm alive is what they get
by the presence of me.
Everyday and the future
is not going anywhere.
Because now,
I'm alive.
I must  be productive and wise.
I'll do what I want,
and if I'm alone, I'll do it.
I'll go.
So I dare.