I had faith in your shame.
I had faith that you would not come back.
At the very least, when you broke my heart forever.
I believed that not love, but shame would keep you from returning.

I had faith in your violence.
I had faith that you could not apologize.
At the very least, when you hurled your abuse at my fragile ego.
I believed that not love, but the violence of your judgment would keep you from returning.

I had faith in your love.
I had faith that you would not ever confront me.
At the very least, when you choose him over me.
I believed not in your courage, but your love for him that would keep you from returning.

I had faith in your pain.
I had faith that you would try to talk to me.
At the very least, when I destroyed your heart for another.
I believed not in your pride, but the pain you continue to feel would scare you away from me forever.

I had faith in your fear.
I had faith that you would erase every trace of your existence.
At the very least, when you saw my months of mental anguish at your absence in those letters.
I believed not in your good judgment, but your fear of my "instability" that would close the book on you forever.

I had faith in your cheating.
I had faith that you would absolve yourself of all responsibility.
At the very least, when you eloped with your husband.
I believed not in your vows to each other, but avoiding a difficult conversation with me would let you be silent forever.

I had faith in your respect.
I had faith that you would believe in me to find someone better?
At the very least, when I told you we shouldn't be together.
I believed not in your tears, but your belief that I would do better would keep you from ever speaking another word.

I had faith in your insecurity.
I had faith that when you found out it was your fault, that was it.
At the very least, when you cried and cried after it was all over.
I believed that you felt you had to go. Knowing, that you could never return to what we had. After you broke it.

I have faith in my letters.
I have faith that you will never talk to me again.
At the very least, when you saw them you did not stir from your place far away from me.
I believed that my words would rouse the truth of why you left. Your silence only confirms that my faith was well placed.

We met once.
It was on a Bridge.
Do you remember?
You were on the Eastern side and I was on the West.
I thought you’d smiled at me.
You thought I’d play exactly like the rest.

I stepped out.
It was Sunny.
Do you remember?
As I left the West.
I thought you’d laughed at me.
You thought that keeping distance would be best.

I stopped.
It was Cloudy.
Do you remember?
As I looked back at the West.
I thought you’d yelled at me.
You thought my climbing on the rail was in jest.

I jumped.
It was raining.
Do you remember?
I took one last look toward the West.
I thought I saw you there.
You thought you’d just continue on your quest.

There you are
Where I left you
I thought I can’t bring myself to see
Where I left you
Next to a flower ***
From where I left you
My heart breaks
From where I left you
.
Small
You look at me
As I left you
.
I cried myself to sleep
Eyes drowned
Numb lips
Still I left you

Walls I've never seen
Floors I've never touched
Slight hostility and indifference
Dance like steam in the air
Blue eyes
Refuse to look at me
My only anchor
Abandoning me
Scared
And confused
I need you here
But you've forgotten
The truth we made

Inner Devils

I’m always, on the outside,
But I’m looking in,
Your greatest faults, I’ll abide,
I support and embrace your sin,

I’ll swallow your pain,
I’ll digest what’s inside,
I will rust your chain,
In me you can confide,

I’ll help you shift the blame,
Run from angels who refuse to see,
At your lowest, you’ll be glad I came,
But you’ll never know the real me,

Friending those who only think of self,
Always talk in a riddle,
Waiting on your secret shelf,
Musing you, while your privates you ******,

I smile when you call,
Us, only talking when you fall,
Two in a dance like notes of a fiddle,
Still, at your loneliness I maul,

I’ll smile when I’m used,
My shoulder ******* your tears,
I know when you’re confused,
I know, because I’ve scribed your fears,

I am the one who leers,
Watching your many tragic fates,
Coming when you shun your peers,
Remembering all the dates,

Suffering in total silence,
Guarding your souls flimsy, gate,
Torches and mobs gather and I stand in defiance,
While you sit at home and *******,

Think you see me so crystal clear,
You always call me when it’s late,
I listen, and drown you in a beer,
Fore I’m never one to subjugate,

I taste every tear,
Make you cold to further your career,
Your emotions I stow,
Take every blow,
For,
I am,
The Devil you know...

The
       mangoes
make an appearance
before the
                 monsoon...
so will you.

Why wipe my tears,
when you had to make me cry?

Why message,
when you never on planning to have a conversation?

Why get me attached,
when you had to leave?

Why do you come in peace,
when you are to leave me in pieces?

Why heal my heart,
when you had to break it?

Why fill my heart with happiness,
when you had to leave it will sorrows?

Why make me feel comfort,
when you had to leave me alone?

Why do you plant flowers,
if you were never going to water them?

Why did you build a home,
if you were never going to stay?

Why light up my world,
only to leave it dark?

Why do you come back,
just to leave once more?

Don’t leave me for him. Don’t abandon our years of friendship for the man you just met. Don’t let him blind you to the extent I am invisible and deafen you to the degree my secrets no longer reach your ear.
But I guess my plead is too soft and late to be heard. Because now I am here clinging on to my heart and tasting the salty tears that roll down my cheeks. I am here reminiscing all the memories we made the time only the two of us spent together. My heart aches with every message you ignore and every outing you ditch me for him. You are fading, our friendship is withering and my loneliness is just deepening. You are my everything but it seems I am no longer yours anymore. You’re my first, but it seems I am no longer yours. For your secrets never find a way to my ear and time in my life.

- I never knew the inseparable could be separable