Some days I am so sad I feel like I could throw up.
I imagine it's all the words I've swallowed trying to climb out of me.
On days like this, I think about all the times people have told me I deserve to be happy.
And for some reason, I cannot stop crying.
On days like this, I find myself not able to get out of bed.
On days like this, I think to myself, "There are no good days; only days like this."
Sometimes I can't seem to shake the feeling that everyone's out to get me.
And suddenly, people start to smile brighter when I'm not around.
I know what I must do.
On days like this, I wish I could just cut this sadness out of me.
"Do what I say no matter the cost"
I am what they want me to be
My feelings are numb
My soul is lost
It's fine if I'm not whole
All they need is my body
My bones cry out
My skins is a sheet covering the holes
I have little energy to even breathe
I cry till my lungs have no air
I stuff my face in a pillow
My jaw aches while I clench my teeth
All the oxygen in the room leaves
Dark thoughts swarm my head
Depression holds me while I heave
I could just die
I feel worthless, I am nothing
I watch as everyone leaves
I don't know how long I can do this
Got to get away
Its not like I'll be missed
No one around me cares
I'm a breathing corpse
I guess its true
Life's not fair
We did it younger than ever,
We discovered how to escape;
That sincere claim
of every next generation,
The undying theme never ageing.
Such is the way.
Just run! The adult-world's awaiting
and I won't yet be taken,
Lost in a maze of adolescence,
There I fear my gaze will ever-remain.
Skins touch the soul, in the depths of it
I know; Love Here.
Have we finally surpassed
that teenage haze
in which I was encased?
In which I was amazed.
I can never give up those memories,
Hence, I dutifully make these recordings.
This data keeps me dauntless, reinforcing my character.
I feel at ease to know it will remain here.
What is inexplicable now
perhaps I can decipher in the future.
That shivering empyrean was committed
to the darkest recesses of my mind,
And there it shall remain for the rest of time.
If you let them in more,
they will break everything for sure,
and abandon you for being broken....
Four walls crush
barely recognizing the reflection that stares
longing for the fat a cushy existence has brought
to burn with the binding responsibilities
another morning brings
is hunting with the wolves
no place to call home
open air, open eyes
with only your bones and wit as companions
new faces, new place
no cage around what should be free
guilt would linger at first
then a home would be made in the ***** blanket
that is loneliness
fleeting moments with strangers a staple in this life
I will create
like many do when it all becomes too much
and you become reckless abandon
Leaving behind all the memories for the moonlight,
There is no more time for a dance under the stars.
It's hard enough to see, even when you're near me.
So I won't move, what else can I prove?
Just standing in the night, waiting for the daylight
When you will shine, and show me where your eyes are.
But do not look for me, for I have been sent to leave
And without you, it seems
That nothing else can be.
The way that you miss me cries into the skies
Over the tide and out to sea
Where no one sees
Where you've left me.
Lyrics to a tune written for voice & jazz quartet.
If someone once cared about you.
and they disappear
What are they saying.