You laugh at my jokes and blush as I tease
You drive me insane and I swear you’re flirting with me

Please reply

I’ve thought this for a while
So I decided to say
I like you a lot, but I know you don’t feel the same way

Please reply 

You’re straight and I know I can’t change that.
Am I just telling myself what I want to hear,
Is it true that those intertwined hand holds were anything but queer

Please reply

They fit like puzzle pieces and I swear when we pull away..
Its like they don’t want to let go, they just want to stay

And oh how I wish they could. 

Please reply 

They depart slowly and I can still feel the heat
Sadly not the warmth from your rosy red cheeks

Please reply 

Is it true that when we locked eyes, blushed and chuckled,
It was nothing, simply a friend, your bright eyes rebuttal

Please reply  

Is it true that my heart beat shouldn’t have increased and my face shouldn’t have turned red
Is it true I shouldn’t be lying here writing about you alone in my bed
Or at all

Please reply

please reply

Please

Just 

Reply

Closure
I deleted our chat
Cause I was mad
Then when I sobered up
I wanted it back
I wanted you back
I started a new
In the middle of the night
Only a few
Words by my side
Said I was sorry
You said you'll see
If you could forgive me
Then you told me about
You beating your meat
And sadly it was depressing
Now we're done again
And I can't delete
Cause I hold it dear
To reality
And I wanna weep
But I'm not a creep
Thanks so much
for everything you've done
This 2 am chat
Is where my clarity begun
Closure
Now I know ya
And it's over
Game over
Closure x

Trembling hands
             against circular grip.

Pieces of road
             reveal and disappear.
Pools of light
             raked with speed.

My jacket lifts with
             each heart beat.
Her invitation rattles
             in my skull.

Blood flows
             &
body tingles.
Sweat.
            Excitement.
                               Anticipation.

Our bodies will soon
             be together.

if i wrote
your name
amillionandone times
would that make you
think of me?

i burn myself down in order to maintain the single bit of control i have
for in a world with unpredictable factors, what am i to do besides destroy?
creation leads only to death
to keep my sanity i tear it to shreds
to keep my feelings i torture my thoughts
to keep my love i separate myself from it
to keep my heart i throw it away
i surround myself in barbed wire and run while it pierces through the skin
it tears through the flesh, but pain is a form of pleasure to the human brain

as my ribs intertwine with sickly sweet flowers, my frail form gives into wracking coughs
as my body is overtaken with the wills of the world, i smile with crimson-stained teeth
as i stare out at those i love, i clutch at the bars keeping me from them
my own consciousness cages me in within my head

unwanted and useless
unwanted because i'm an abomination
useless because i've already been used
a stepping stool for life's favored players

after my prince left,
my story became backwards
riches to rags is the way my mind went
and the final kiss forced me into a never-ending dream

to keep myself from spilling more blood into the clean white of the bathroom
i sit here instead
and tap out my sorrows into a glowing box
in hopes of relieving my teenage angst in a way that will contain the pain in my chest
and for it to not spread to my arms or my neck or my legs or my stomach

i am starved for happiness
and deprived of care
i am dreaming this life

2am thoughts.

What is life without loss?
Love without suffering?
Laughter without tears?

So many emotions for one night,
I'm screaming out for help to fight...
I just want a ******* middleground.

Drink a little drink and say a prayer,
Throw some salt into the air...
Anything to escape the hell I'm in.

How do you turn your life around?
I've got so much **** to figure out.
How do I feel joy...yet want to die?

Take the meds they put ya on,
Only to become a shell of yourself.
Gotta figure this **** out...

Good luck...here comes mania.

Can't stop now...dance, sing, sketch,
Run, swing...build a ****** tree house,
Rinse, wash, & repeat until depressed.

Looks like depression's back at it again

Scratch your eyes or slash your wrists,
Looks like you're all ****** up again,
Take your pill and be someone else.

"Welcome to hell, we hope you enjoy your stay. We'll make you feel insane every step of the way until you finally snap...
And just like your sanity,
Your neck shall snap too."
The demons chant in your mind.


This is what it's like to be me at 2 o'clock in the morning...
Welcome to the hell of bipolar disorder...

We hope you enjoy your stay,
It's a lifelong adventure.