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Nov 2019 · 155
Black coffee w/ honey
L Nov 2019
I am maybe a bit too sweet. Some may say over compensating. Its a mistake really. Long pour a second too long.

I am meant to be bitter. I should be bitter. I am supposed to be.

And yet here i am.
Like a delightening tea wrapping my warmth around the inside of your throat.

And you love it.
And you cant get enough.
Sometimes im sorry that im so good.
But maybe most times i am not.
Oct 2019 · 203
P v. Z
L Oct 2019
Humans are like plants. We need water and we need sun.

When all the right conditions are met, a plant will thrive

But if there is too much or too little of any one element, a plant will suffer ill consequence.

Oct 2019 · 333
L Oct 2019
I dont know why im like this. I talk in riddles and i move in puzzles. Sorry.
Oct 2019 · 251
L Oct 2019
The cold seeps through you
Into you
You become
The cold
You are cold.
It is not your fault
How can you be to blame
For a world that was already
Way too cold
To begine with.
Oct 2019 · 136
L Oct 2019
Are you on?
Are you there?
Am i staring into the abyss today?
Will it be staring back at me again?
Are you staring back at me today?
Oct 2019 · 116
Cold (Shoulders)
L Oct 2019
The cold seeps through you
Into you
You become
The cold
You are cold.
It is not your fault
How can you be to blame
For a world that was already
Way too cold
To begine with.
Sep 2019 · 182
Im 22 today.
L Sep 2019
At around exactly 3 in the afternoon. After my mom found my birth certificate, i grabbed it and now im holding onto it myself. Its hard to trust people who dont trust you. Family has always been hard for me. Ever since 'the incident'. I think thats what did it. Thats what threw me overboard. But to me, as a kid, i thought i was just swimming. I didnt realize that everyone was on a boat slowly drifting farther and farther away from me. Or was i the one drifting away from them. Well. Now i know. Im older. I know better. Not the best-- but better. I realize how hard it is to tread water so while trying to keep myself afloat, im also trying to build a boat in which to make my whole life so much easier. There are sharks in these waters. Its nothing personal. Sharks gotta eat. And im tasty if i do say so myself. Blood sweet and thick enough to be confused for syrup. So. I have to work fast. I started too late. Im always late. Not much time left, i have to put all of my effort into this device. Lest i drown and my story ends all too soon.
Sep 2019 · 224
L Sep 2019
a battle was won. id rather be sad than out of my mind.
Sep 2019 · 108
L Sep 2019
Ive been drinking again. Lying to friends and losing them
Again with the *******, my same stupid drama.
In a world like today where else are you supposed to put your *******
Sep 2019 · 126
If i was a god, (II)
L Sep 2019
Id see that
the remnants
of what once
was fiery blaze
Has now
to have been smothered.
I would notice
there was no movement
on the once
lively log.
the home
of the once
peaceful ants
was now
no more.
A mere shell
a ghost
of once used to be.

I would see
And without a thought,
i would
once again
set the log ablaze.

Id light the fire.
And id see
the ants
that might have
the first calamity,
And i would wish them the best.
Aug 2019 · 112
I keep
L Aug 2019

“Have i hit my lowest point yet?”

I walk

“Is this my lowest point?”
Aug 2019 · 152
If i was a god,
L Aug 2019
And i made my own little creations
I would watch them every once and a while.
I wouldnt binge.
I would just tune in sometimes and see how things are going for them.

And if they were ants
And if they had found their log of a home
Fallen into a fire of any sorts,
I would try to minimize the damage.
I would not interfere.
Not phenomenally.
I would build them a little bridge
Of wet wood.
And i would hope that
At least a good amount of them
Would make it.

I wouldn’t pull the log from the fire.
I would maybe adjust it so
That in a way, there is less of an urgency
Of emergency.

Some of them
Are still roaming
The burning
I hope for the best.
Jul 2019 · 194
My body makes weird noises.
L Jul 2019
My body makes weird noises
It bubbles and snarls and snares
Its like its trying to tell me something
“Thank you”?
“You fool!”?
I have no idea what any of it means. I imagine beakers in my belly and tubes running up my chest. To my nose, my mouth, i expel what i can. But i have no idea what goes on underneath. And so
i cant help.
As efficient as id like.
Yeah this probably isnt a good thing.
This probably isnt good for me.
L Jul 2019
You can read them if you open them up. But if you dont take a look then youll never know.
Was i on one when i thought of this title?
L Jul 2019
The fish have died,
Theres mud everywhere,
And your curtains are all scratched up.

Welcome back home.
Lol just kidding, HE was actually a sweetheart. ^-^
Jun 2019 · 357
L Jun 2019
Paper dreams
Im the fiend.

Among the thoughts inside my head
You tiptoe through and head to bed.

Oh, the dread.
It eats away all night and day.
No keeping it at bay for i have no say.

I never really did. Lead to believe i had a foot in the door but what more, what a bore. The things in store. A blink and a breath later and its in my mouth.

Bitter words and acid truth. The lies taste as sweet as they smell fresh from my oven.

Aroma carried far in the breeze. Pollinating your thoughts and breeding my children.

I live on through them. And yet they are false.

And so the question remains.
Am i still here?
Nature nurture love and hurt death and life and kids.

I never really cared for them. But they seem to always like me well enough.
Jun 2019 · 900
L Jun 2019
iN mY lIFE. sPARE mY sOUL.

Jun 2019 · 286
L Jun 2019
Miss understood.

At it again.
Your one and only friend.

But is it
What is seems?
Falling apart
At the seams.
Are you thinking what im thinking,
Are you what you think you are
You me? Are you, me? Im not
Sure, you are.
Jun 2019 · 485
AqUx oF zFetc
L Jun 2019
Heating your tubes,
Resolving in stroke.

Live while you can,
All of your might.

One day it might
All Run out.

Run away
From you.

Out of reach,
Out your grasp.

Reaching far
Fingertips width away.


Skys dull to grey.
I may look gray but im feeling (strawberry) blue.

Im only part white.
L Jun 2019
Shifting and creating
It is now new. It will never be as it once was.
Change is the only constant in this life we have. In these lives we

To break bridges to build staircases.
L May 2019
Im sitting here drinking the only liquor that I've ever seen her get
Listening to the song that I showed him that correlates to everything about us and our time together. I want to get away but i don't feel like moving.
I want to cry but I can barely bring myself to feel a̶n̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ a ****** thing. And then, thinking of all the things that I'd like to change in my life, for the life of me, I cant figure out h̶o̶w̶ where (when?) to begin.
L Apr 2019
ive always said that

pain is art"
"art is pain.

well then i guess
that this means
that im in pain
Apr 2019 · 93
An Ode to H
L Apr 2019
Picking up bottles is so much easier than not doing so. The weight of it is nonexistent. No matter the amount within, no matter the content. the bottle goes up and comes back down, physically, at least just a bit lighter than before. But nontheless, the bottle is weightless to its almost but not quite unsuspecting victim. the worst part is when the drinkee already knows. instead of physical weight within the bottle, they feel the mental weight within themselves. 'This is a game that you will not win. but you will play, regardless.' and play it i will, i suppose. how else am i going to get it to shut up. get it out of my damnned face. get out of my doggamn head.
Apr 2019 · 401
Breathe, sun-kisser.
L Apr 2019
Breath. collected yet irregular.
As if im walking through the air.
With you, I have no care.
Have you realized how special you are?
To me, with you, the storms are a breeze, the oceans-- at ease. No sunburns to be found, feet planted on the ground.
                With you around, all I get is
Feb 2019 · 636
I cut my hand.
L Feb 2019
It wasnt on purpose.
I was in a rush.
I bled everywhere.
There was blood all over my work.
I was weak.
I was hurt.
It wont happen again.

Or at least they wont see it.
L Jan 2019
youre such a bitter person. have you
always been this bitter or did I do
this to you? Im so sorry. And I cant
say it enough. And I say it way too
****** much. My heart misses yours.
I miss your smell. your touch. your
laugh. your goofy *** faces. I miss
you. I miss your everything. All of it.
The anger, the crazy, the delusion.

                                are everything to me.
L Jan 2019
There is a lump in my throat that wont go down.

I was coughing on the bus i couldnt stop. I was scared that people were looking at or thinking about me weird.

"Am i dying?"

Nervous energy is coursing through me.
Maybe its cause this is the first time im alone with a mom that isnt my own.

Maybe i am scared about what will come next.

Maybe it will all be fine and when we are reunited, relief will flow and release throughout my body.

Maybe i shouldnt "text" in the car with her.
Jan 2019 · 304
Fuck. Crap.
L Jan 2019
This is too much. Things are calm. And i need chaos. I can breathe when your close.

And its almost suffocating.

**** its going to hurt to break your heart.

Ive fallen again. And i cant stop falling. Why do i keep getting up.

Why must i be so stubborn.

Am i stuck in my own way or do i know exactly what i need? And its just that noone else can see that?

Its almost as if i love the fall. Relish in the breaking of it all. Trust in the nothing...
I feel like ive been floating 'bove the rooms im in
Jan 2019 · 212
I (pt 2)
L Jan 2019
Am hurting and cold.

And thinking, "maybe i shouldnt share and check feelings for a while again."

Take a little break.
Jan 2019 · 212
L Jan 2019
Want to rip my hair out. And cry. And drink.

Whats even wrong.

Did He spur this?

Its been so long, i can bearly remember what it feels like.

Do i want to feel it again?
Jan 2019 · 2.4k
One for you and one for me.
L Jan 2019
Tonight i sat in the dark for a bit.
(A moment of silence if you will.)
Holding a taper candle, staring into its flame.

At first, for a bit, i was worried about candle wax dripping down and spilling over my hands and onto either my bedsheets or the carpet.
(Can hot candlewax start a fire?
Surely not.
And then i thought to myself,
"**** it."
If something happens ill catch it before it gets too bad. Ill feel the pain and it will remind me that i am alive.
That i am lucky.
That i can still feel things.

The candlewax did not spill or drip at all.
(Did you know they make candles like that??

Now, a bit disappointed, i thought,
"What a sediment"

I took the candle into my right hand.
Oh, so carefully,
I tilted the candle holding the flame over my right wrist.
One drop.
I flinched.

The pain stopped as soon as it came.

One for me.

I thought,

As i shifted the candle to my left hand,

"This is for you.
And all the pain you felt.
And that i didnt know about."

"This is my proof that i would have tried if i had known."

One for you.

I didnt even ******* know you very well.

We werent really even friends.

I dont know how to spell your name.

And still

Its too bad.

Its so sad.

Way too ******* sad.
Hi again, i am still alive, yes.
Dec 2018 · 369
Life is a journey.
L Dec 2018
Im on a roll. Down a hill. Getting grass stains on my clothes and laughing uncontrollably.

Love the process.
Dec 2018 · 390
L Dec 2018
How many people have forgotten about you?

A brief face on the bus.

An old acquaintance from high school.

An older teacher or professor from school.

There are a thousand faces we see daily.

Maybe more.

Maybe less.

(Im no mathetition)


A thousand or so faces.

And guess where they end up.

We remember them.)

They are stored in out brains indefinitely.

They show up in our dreams. Our minds use them as background characters.

Its hard to imagine brand new things.

Have you every tried inventing a new color???

Shites hard.

Thats life. Its hard.

And complicated.

And difficult.

And beautiful.

Like you.

Like me.

Like the cosmos.

Like the universe.
I love it all. I love you. All.
Dec 2018 · 241
L Dec 2018
You cant. And you wont. Ever get over me.

You know that, right?? Because i know it. I feel it. So you must feel it to. Its like its always been. I am yours and you are mine. Whether we both know it or not. We've got a piece of eachother and im holding on till death do us part.

I dont care. In the best and worst of ways.

You may be bad for me right now.

But ill wait forever until you are good.
I will. And you are. And i am.

And i always. Forever. Will. Until.
Dec 2018 · 471
a promise
L Dec 2018
A friend,
                                        a night.

Some food,
                                        a smoke.

Invitation --
                                        a couple drinks.

A couple more,
                                       making friends.

Pass the phone
                                       a couple times.

One mistake
                                       a promise & a crash.
The night it all went to ****.
Nov 2018 · 375
The Time is Nigh
L Nov 2018
I know i hurt you. I felt as though i had no other choice.

I must be heard.

I demand to be heard.

I have gone silent one too many times.

This time is now mine.
Time is up.
Nov 2018 · 431
L Nov 2018
Here i am.

Begging, pleading. Forgive me for all it is that i have done.

I would say that i knew no better but i know for that would be false.

And my lips can no longer speak of fallacies.

I give myself unto you.

Do what you will with me.

I am yours.




You complete me.
Nov 2018 · 1.0k
The Downfall of H ft. M
L Nov 2018
For all the empty promises, the crocodile tears, the anger, the emotions in general. For the tears, and the hurt, and the longing. For the good times along with the bad times. For the adventures and the laughter and the prancing and the frolicking.

For the beaches and the overlooks and the rollercoasters and and the drugs and the beer and the shenanigans. For the casinos and the hotel rooms, for the crazy people and the jokes we made about them. For all of it.

I love you
Nov 2018 · 132
L Nov 2018
Nov 2018 · 93
L Nov 2018
You know. How when. Wait. Is it just me. Nah, im sure im not the only one. People are weird like that. Unique. Just like EVERYONE else.

I digress. You know. When you play a game. Or read a book. For long enough. And you start to identify with a character. Like "yeah, thats totally me out of all of the other characters." And then. And THEN. you notice yourself picking up on the mannerisms and speech pattern of theirs.
Nov 2018 · 244
Written on a spare napkin
L Nov 2018
Im a firestarter.
An arsonist.
I'll burn you.
but only if you let me.
Nov 2018 · 101
L Nov 2018
Im at a good place. Why do i want to destroy it.

Well at least im not crying anymore.
Nov 2018 · 78
L Nov 2018
I loved you. And you hurt me. You COULD have cared more. You could have tried harder.

Truth. You probably could have.

Maybe you didnt have the capacity.

Maybe you couldnt have.

But you should have.

It could have been better.

It should have been better.

If i meant that much to you why did you hurt me?
Nov 2018 · 73
L Nov 2018
I said to myself, in my head, "im only gunna take TWO shots." I lied. I lied to myself. Well i guess not. Not yet. But. Im so close to taking that next one. I really want to. How long has it been.
Nov 2018 · 122
L Nov 2018
I feel like ive been thrown in a loop. Like idk when it happened. But.

So like. I was talking with a friend today. H. And so.

We were talking about the universe and dying and ****. And. "Like i get what you mean" but. Nah. So. I explained what i heard once that was really cool. So. I compared them by saying. "Like, yours is a circle. And mine is like a loop." Yours. It goes around and around and around. No beginning, no end. Okay. Fine i guess "see your point" BUT mine. Like. Its a loop. Little loopty loop. So. You start out and then you cross at one point, like the beginning and then you keep going. Like it diverges. Untill you cross again at another point and then you go to new parts again. I. What was i saying?

I digress. I need a new notebook. I hereby decree. That this will be the first page entry thing of the next new little book i get. Yay.
Nov 2018 · 66
L Nov 2018
I lied. Another one here i come.

**** it


Okay. So actually. I havent lied yet. Cool?

Am i strong enough? Do i have the will?

Okay. So i did lie. It will be just that last one. Yes.
For sure.
Nov 2018 · 106
L Nov 2018
I am not your piece of clay to mold to your own design.

Im more than you can imagine. Maybe more than you could comprehend.
L Nov 2018
Having someone sleeping next to you while you feel as though you are having an episode is about the loneliest thing i can just about imagine. And yet i still want to steady your breathing in your sleep.
Nov 2018 · 98
L Nov 2018
And dont you just try to turn it around. I told you all along. You just didnt listen. You didnt, couldnt, refused to accept that. Accept me.

You wanted more than i was. You wanted an image of me. One you made up. And then fawned over. One that you loved. One that was created and modeled all on your own.
Nov 2018 · 86
How tf
L Nov 2018
To crawl out of a hole
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