My therapist asked me if I thought I should Write you a letter for closure I was confused and said no I was done with us Over it That was a few months ago I can see now What she might have seen then I am carrying a lot of anger A lot of pain and resentment Because of the way you treated me And how victimized you painted yourself As you shamed me publicly All over social media For "cheating" on you when We definitely have different understandings Of what constitutes cheating And then you took it a step further To spread your delusions about me When we could've had a conversation
You shamed me so hard at the end Because "you didn't even know me anymore" When you clearly didn't know me at all I told you when we first met I do not want kids and I never want to get married And you were surprised After year and a half When you bring it up And I tell you again I do not want that life You cried and said we would be nothing then So I bought you a ring I figured, whatever If we were going to be forever I might as will compromise Something you didn't understand much at all Especially when it came to ***
After we broke up You wrote me a letter In it you attacked me for Never having *** when you wanted Since you'd have it with me When you didn't want to (Something I was very unaware of And extremely not ok with) Apparently I should've done the same But I didn't want *** if you didn't I could've ******* myself if that were the case I didn't ask you to do that for me I wish you didn't Because love isn't about *** frequency It's more about communication And honesty And I'm not perfect at that But I tried
When I sent you an article About why I avoid *** Due to a ****** assault You got mad at me "What am I supposed to do, Just wait until you're ready?" Yes. If you respected me Then you would
And when I talked to you about My interest in polyamory You didn't give me a chance To even discuss it more You immediately said no And that was that You said you wouldn't change your mind Which I should have known since When I became friends with A member of the church do you dragged me to (Even though I'm an atheist) You were mad because they were poly And you didn't want me "getting any ideas" And when that approach didn't work You claimed that my being friends with them Conflicted with your friendship with another member Because they were connected negatively through an ex Because we can't have our own friends?
But that's exactly what I needed Because you shamed me so hard For the things I care about most That I lost myself in us I no longer existed Because I was "too radical"
So you didn't really love me Because you didn't know me You loved who you made me Or whoever you saw in your mind And somehow you were surprised When I decided to leave Because of course you did nothing wrong But I was suffocating So I left to explore myself And my potential polyamorous identity
But then you were willing to try it You didn't want to lose me So you said you'd try an open relationship But Only under strict guidelines And if I didn't agree to them You wouldn't try You called it "compromise" But there's a huge difference Between boundaries And rules That's not how polyamory thrives So I left.
And a few months later We talked about it again You gave me more rules "No other romantic partners " Which would've required me To leave who I was presently seeing Just to have *** with randoms And commit emotionally Only to you But I also had to agree To eventually move up north with you Regardless of my own life aspirations Because I never really mattered to you Only the fake picture you had of me
And all of those rules Occurred while you simultaneously Shamed polyamory And me for wanting it Because "I just didn't want to commit" It is "an abomination" "Disgusting" Just because you didn't understand it Because you were afraid of it
You didn't understand me But you "loved" me And you were the victim Right? I'm not saying I'm not at fault But you are too
This series is extremely important to me. It has drastically helped with closure over past unhealthy relationships. They were all unhealthy I'm largely different ways and I did not write these to take away my own fault in the breakups, but I wrote this to rid myself of the unnecessary guilt I have been carrying around because of things that these exes have said to me or the ways in which they treated me. This project is about self-love. Not about hatred or wishing ill will upon others, because I wish them nothing but happiness. This is for me.