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Aug 2019 · 168
crush
Alle Aug 2019
when i was a little girl,
the word “crush” filled me
with horror and excitement
in equal measure;
back then, it signified
the tightening of the bodice
of that monster who calls herself love
and slowly compressed my chest
blocking my airflow and shaping me
into the girl that would
eventually
be wanted
Jul 2019 · 65
letter to my mother
Alle Jul 2019
Mother, my mother,
I no longer recall the sweet sound of your voice
as you rocked me to sleep
in the fold of your arm.
The pitch is long forgotten,
covered by noises of my life now —
the smooth baritone of my love,
the crunch of powder snow under a firm boot,
the lilting melody
of my violin.

Mother, my mother,
I cannot feel the warm embrace
you must have given me
before leaving me to my fate.
It was summer, and yet
I remember no smothering heat
of a clasp to your ***** —
only the sweltering that happened
wrapped in my blanket
in a ditch at the side of the road
under the relentless sun.

Mother, my mother,
I have no more memories
of the homeland where I was born.
You are a distant shadow
hidden in the recesses of my mind,
but you are fading —
fading into the corners,
blending with all my other uncertainties.
I think I used to know,
but I blank when I try to remember
further than the years
I’ve been here in America.

Mother, my mother,
I do not know
even the smallest detail of my former life.
“What have I been writing?”
I am a poet, mother.
I used my imagination.
Alle Apr 2019
she brushes my cheekbones with her thumbs and the walls fall away to reveal the milky way. she leans in and my eyes track a shooting star behind her, hoping with every fibre of stardust in my veins that my wish will be granted. her lips meet mine and the universe explodes around us in a burst of colours, but when i pull away the only thing i see is the gold-flecked green of her eyes.
Mar 2019 · 144
i hate
Alle Mar 2019
that i cry when i don’t want to
and can’t when i do
that people think i’m fine
when that’s so far from the truth
that i smile and laugh
at school during the day
but alone at night
want to cut my troubles away
that i have friends who care
when i either can’t or won’t
that they love me unconditionally
even when i don’t
Feb 2019 · 184
humanity’s fate
Alle Feb 2019
humans move too fast
to truly appreciate our world
we make hasty decisions
that affect and lead our lives
in the opposite direction we want to go
yet we don’t care enough about it
to do anything to change
our harmful ways
we’re living our lives in the now
with no respect for the past we lived through
or the generations after us
who will live with the realisation
of the regrets we didn’t realise in time
— why don’t we realise we’re killing our unborn future?
Feb 2019 · 176
the fire burns from within
Alle Feb 2019
smell the smoke
permeating the air;
see the clouds of black and white
decorating the wind.

the fire is within me:
it burns steadily
but it does not destroy anything.

nothing of importance;
nothing that is not already destroyed.
Jan 2019 · 159
evaporation
Alle Jan 2019
as a child, my parents’ comforting
words washed over me like
wave of the ocean, soothing
the wounds left by harsh,
immature names, and i marvelled
at the difference mere words
could make and how they
could change a life

as a teen, my parents’ grating
criticism and unthoughtful words
about the mistakes i make and
the grades i bring home
rub me the wrong way
like dry sand between my toes,
and i try to be the bigger person, i try
to walk away, but with every step
the blisters fester, and soon enough
the wound is too large
to be healed anymore
— how faith and trust in parents disappears
Jan 2019 · 169
back in time
Alle Jan 2019
if i could go back to
when i was five
i would tell myself
be careful around sharp objects
(they’re easily misused)
don’t lie about who you are
(it takes such little effort to lose yourself)
be happy with you
(no one could ever take your place)
don’t be so ******* yourself
(you’re not perfect, but no one is)
Jan 2019 · 508
toxicity
Alle Jan 2019
our relationship was
filled with toxic chemicals
that
       s l o w l y but
                    s u r e l y
crept into
my body
          my head
                    my heart
the way your love
    did
         not
Alle Jan 2019
her lips stretch
to show sharp fangs,
dripping with venom
and
her throat palpitates
as she lets out
a warning hiss;
she is a snake,
poisonous and deadly,
and i have been warned
time and time again
to stay far,
far away,
but as usual,
the allure of danger
calls to me
and i inch
closer and closer,
heart beating
faster and faster
— her body tenses,
prepared to strike —
but as usual,
i ignore everything in my
pursuit.
but,
unlike other snakes
i have encountered,
this one has
the power to
strike back
Jan 2019 · 739
up in flames
Alle Jan 2019
they tell you to
seek what sets your
soul on fire,
but i have searched
for so long
that nothing is left
of my soul
but ashes
Jan 2019 · 231
screen
Alle Jan 2019
you reach forward,
stretching to take
my hand in yours,
but when i reciprocate
and extend my hand
all my fingers brush
is a cold screen
and i realise
you were just an image,
a figment
of my imagination
Jan 2019 · 159
weave your own fate
Alle Jan 2019
the moirai whisper, heads
bent together as they
map out your life
from start to
finish.
but what if you aren’t
satisfied with your future —
do you leave it be,
knowing it’s best to
not anger the fates,
or do you argue your right
to a life
that has not been planned?
Jan 2019 · 197
voices
Alle Jan 2019
we all have our voices

there’s the one made of sunshine and joy
that speaks during the day
the one who laughs at jokes
and smiles and flirts at everyone
the childish one who must be reminded
that the world is not merely light

but then there’s the other
made of tears and night
who pipes up when you lay in bed
and whispers, “you aren’t good enough”
the sorrowful one wise beyond its years
who never fails to remind you
that this is what the world is like

— The End —