the bathrooms need cleaned and we're out of milk
there's dust on every surface
two weeks' worth of laundry in a corner of the bedroom while
I sit in the basement playing games and watching a
tv show at the same time to shut off the feeling that


I should be doing better than this

You and I
Are careening
Through the open air.
Our colors are
Mesmerizing,
Marbled and spinning.

Loving you is
Watching a soap bubble fly.

Our colors swirl.

We're enchanting.

But I can't help it,
I'm holding my breath,
Waiting for that
Inevitable
*pop

to be loved in the open

this is all I can ask

as a girl who has been
   kissed only in dark corners
   pushed out of view at the last second
   always unclaimed

the darkest days were the ones where
   old loves pretended not to know how they knew me
   my body felt used and cheap

discarded. my dear,

I ask to be loved in the light

and claimed

What's it like to have nothing left?

I will give out
pieces of myself
infinitely.

I will half myself
again and again,
giving everything I am,
forever.

Any number is divisible
by two.

1.
I am drawn to you
stealing glances across rooms
Pray you notice me

2.
I’m drawn into you
You are staining me like ink
The stars brought us here

3.
I am drawn to you
like a curtain, blank-faced stares
all we’re sharing now

I felt you leaving
I saw your foot inching out the door

You left
But my world kept turning

I don't know why I'm surprised

He likes the clouds
Slowly shifting spinning circles showing
Shapes solely he sees

What beauty does he see
In a storm-cloudy mind
What form does he see
Fit to call me “perfect?”

I like the stars
Pictures cut through the night sky
I see as the past prescribes.

I do not know what he sees in me,
But how I love
His careful consideration
The wonder in his eyes

He called me beautiful.
He called me strong.
He examined the scars on my heart and deemed them a worthy part of me.

When I learned to stand again,
I swore to walk on my own.
Now he promises to stand at my side and
Go wherever I may go.
Build a life with me.

What have I done to deserve this?
This kindness you offer asks no retribution.

Your body is a sanctuary

I look at you and
I see the places you have gone

Your body is a spaceship

What textures have traveled beneath your fingertips?
What sights have you seen?

I worship at your temple
Bless me with yourself

Home is
   Longing for a different view
   Sitting in a tiny bedroom, watching the birds fly
Envious of their freedom

Anywhere else I
   Feel the incessant tug of my family that want me back
   Simultaneously longing for the Friday night card games
And laughing with my mother

This time last week
I was holding you.
For the first time,
I was tasting you,
Clinging to someone
Who seemed so solid.
This time last week
I was smiling against kisses
I was sure were the first of many.
This time last week,
I was planning out a thousand
Days happily by your side.
This time last week I had no idea
You'd be gone so fast.
This time last week
You whispered promises
In my ears and all over me,
Showed me where your favorite places
To kiss me were.
This time last week,
I said "stay."
I had no idea that
now
You'd be already over me,
Flying back into old flames.
What a difference 168 hours can make.

I cannot be any clearer

I cannot launch myself any harder
in your direction

I cannot spend another night wondering if you are
thinking of me
or her

While I’m over here
   alone
   feeling every lovely feeling for you
   full of beautiful words for you
   wanting you in a way I have never wanted another human being

I have to wonder if you’re even sleeping alone

running into the people I've lost
is like seeing ghosts

around town
across the street
hoping you don't notice me
or the knots woven into my stomach

duck my head and
block out the memories
of the time when
you walked by my side

if you've floated out of my life
do you blame me for startling

you're an apparition

Scratching your back until you fall asleep

Your breathing deepens and
The gentle rumbling starts in your chest.

When I am sure you are asleep I
Whisper the words that burst
From my chest.

"i love you."

But if I am stealing this time of ours,
Loving you when I swore to myself I wouldn't,
Even your promises to stay may not hold truth.

The moments I spend with you are bliss.
The time between is riddled with questions

"will you leave me?"

But while you are still, briefly, mine,
It is enough to push the thoughts to the back of my mind,
Submit my body to yours,
And, when you are sated,

Scratch your back until you fall asleep.

Boy,
I don't mean to sound like a *****,
But take your arm off my shoulders.
This body is mine.

Don't slide your hand up my leg
Like your fingers are lost and looking for a home.
Don't assume that I want to touch you
This body is mine.

This body,
She has climbed mountains
And swam in the ocean,
Walked through forests and crowds and battles
Like you will never know.

If I am hesitant to be with you,
Know that it is not your right
To be offended.

I am striving to reach
Peace
With this vessel I call home,
I will put her first.

I'm not sorry to tell you:
This body is mine.

Too much
Too soon
Too little
Too late
Too blind to see
You were losing your place
Too fast
Too close
Too soon
Too far
They'll never love you
For who you are

I can fold your sweatshirt into
a tidy package and send it back
across state lines
but what do I do with the memories?

I long to return the feeling of your arms around me as you sleep.
I can pack away the necklace you gave me
but when rain falls, its music speaks your name

When will the summer air stop tasting of you, too?