Release the smoke inside my head
and I'll be on my way to bed
I will not dream enough tonight
awoken by the morning light
you're only here when I am gone
to keep the warmth we're built upon
But what is sleep when dark is day
and everything is not okay
I want to be alone with you
and watch the phases of the moon
The quiet sky can hear the beat
of broken hearts and tarried feet
I'll walk away from all of this
and find the home of nothingness
A body carries many things
but human's only part of it
So take my bones and bury them
a naked soul I can't defend
The more I think, the less I am
apologies become my hands
I'm sorry now, I always was
the sun is up for both of us

And suddenly I do not feel the need to speak again
To take you to my room tonight and try to play pretend
The only conversation that remains is silence now
So let it be in stillness that our bodies take a bow
I've wandered through this skin so long and finally returned
To some place I'd forgotten but completely reaffirmed
I'd like to settle in and watch the windows open wide
To listen to the wind as it renters my whole mind
It's something like a song a weathered spirit taught me young
I'll sing it with my spirit and the notes will carry on

I've taken to the wind that moves what I may never see
And yet I feel it close enough to shift inside of me
It's there one day and gone the next but never for too long
Exhaling truth and bringing us to right where we belong
I never would have thought to put my life into its hands
But nothing else can even touch on what its strength commands
I'm done with all the chasing and escaping when I can
No longer will i fight the kind of human that I am
I've given all I am to you, the breath of all the world
So take me where I need to go like I'm your little girl

I've written you so many letters
"Goodnight" before bed, yellow sun
The first of the seven I cradled
my very first beautiful one  
you helped me to walk when I couldn't
I borrowed your strength when we left
we crossed every ocean together
so let me return every breath
Remember my arms when you're tired
they'll hold you up high when I'm gone
believe me when I say I love you
remember our favourite song

I stepped into my twenty's shoes without a day to spare
and watched my whole anatomy unravel on a stair
the cross I begged my heart to trust was finally in sight
and in a year I'd raise it up eleven mountains high
to faith and hope and love that somehow brought me to this place
in that specific order I began to seek Thy Face

So what is the extent to which you killed yourself today
That minor slight incision - did it carry you away
  And if it’s not the pain that makes your body like a drug
Then what is it that causes you to seek that kind of love
You thought it would be easy to detain what you could see
But something else has happened & your mind is not at ease
  I know you want the answers but they never seem to come
At least that’s what you think with all your patience going numb
And now the only remedy you seek is gone before
your limbs can ever feel it, ’til you’re lying on the floor
  Remember you were someone ‘fore you gave up on yourself
The kind of hope you carry’ll never leave you in your Hell

if there is no harvest, on what will you feast
but the rotting black corpse of all that's deceased

nature had planted its seeds and prepared
and waited on you to then grow what was there

bodies amassed in the fields, spread afar
but nobody was who they'd said that they are

they toiled and played while wasting their time
and none of them paid to the crops any mind

ripe in their ways and the choices they'd made
everyone thought they'd be welcoming grain

but Fall came around and revealed something else
that the only things grown were personal hells

what would happen if I walked a thousand miles a day
   And put myself in places where I do not have a say
It's nothing but the soil and the monsters that I see
They're crawling out of spaces somewhere deep inside of me
I want to leave them everywhere and write about it too
But know they're coming back for me the moment that I do
  So if you want a story have my words fill up the page
It doesn't matter anyway, the monsters know my name

Beneath her ****** purple eyes the bandages unwind
Reveal the fruit of every hit she's taken to her mind
A stripe away from damages that cannot be undone
She whispers in her timidness, you are the only one
The seeker floats around the words she speaks into the night
And she can feel a quiet breeze solidify their flight
I'll be there soon, I'll watch the moon, I'll travel back to you
The bruises heal and she appears, she finds him withered too
I've missed the conversations we have carried through the years
A hope, a light, dynamic sounds surrendering my ears
I want to bounce until the day we reach the second stair
Repel the dark and sorry things that tangle up your hair
And so the strands were compromised, she let the pieces fall
Upon the fringe of sacrifice she floated through the wall

I know a man who thinks he can
Talk in circles and still demand
That people rise at his command
The moment he lifts up his hand

Stranger still is his ambition
One he deems a worthy mission
He proclaims that his ignition
Only turns with his permission

He walks around with head held high
And looks at no one in the eye
His body language speaks a lie
As if to say he'll never die

They claim he's always been this way
A man immune to making change
And yet he knows that come what may
He can't escape the final day

The hours pass as time rolls on
And he proceeds to move along
Convinced that he has surely won
He executes his closing con

Now he's gone

I'm covered up in layers of the other peoples' skin
And I am losing track of just how deep I've gotten in
To you it sounds absurd because you cannot comprehend
That hid among the living are the ones who will pretend
See, they can take a day and manipulate with ease
The shining of the sun and the coming of the breeze
For they will place their shadow over that which isn't theirs
And try their best to claim that the truth is everywhere
The eyes inside my head are the ones that follow suit
I'm looking into everything and I'm pining over fruit
It's only when I fail to remember what I've seen
That I can take a second to uncover all of me
I know this very well but it's hard for me to grasp
My vision fully blooms in the things that I see past

Oh the duality
There's no neutrality
Only reality
Stored in your mind.

What of this atrophy
Discount integrity
Chase after perjury
Hoarding the lie.

And to this enmity
What is the remedy
From this extremity
Where can I hide?

Notice the brevity
End of the melody
It's your identity
Searching inside.

Find you calamity
Soak in the density
Plundered is empathy
Fronted by pride.

With all intensity
Bring on indemnity
Forfeit amenity
Bow and you die.

Lately when I wander I step on shards of glass
I don't know where they came from or how long this will last
I take them out in pieces and place them in a jar
A puzzle to be figured out once I'm up to par


Meanwhile in my pocket rests a blackened frame
A trinket with a handle that's making me feel sane
I grip it with my fingers and hold it in my palm
And give these eyes a cover with my own salty balm


A gift I once received so I could go explore
It took away my fear to walk through any door
By it I saw clearly, my vision was repaired
Until I dropped it on the ground and thus became impaired

...

He tells me to walk backwards and trust my every step
My memory will guide me as long as I will let
Now I don't mind the piercings from the shards I pass
My grandpa mapped his life with this magnifying glass

Let's you and I
Climb up high
Into this hive
And hide our lives
Inside

We'll disappear
Into our fears
So no one hears
Or sees our tears
We're mirrors

Come with me
My honeybee
I'll make you free
Just place your knees
Upon the tree

My home is dark
It's like this bark
And you're the spark
I need to start
My heart

Our light in beams
We'll invade dreams
And float like streams
In people's screams
It seems

A macrame
Of honey stains
Adorns the face
Of our dismay
And stays

We live and die
Inside our hive
Just you and I
Til the end of time
But why?

I walked around the world today
and tried to count my steps
But everything that came my way
just took away my breath
Shortened, strained and surface deep
I felt my chest release
Quiet whispers I'd not keep
for they would one day cease
Blurry eyed and hazy souled** 
I spilled into the dark
Ill prepared and not yet gold
I'd barely felt a spark
Nothing etched into my life
'cause my degree was low
Patience weathered turned to strife
so I would never glow
Sipping words too hot to touch
I'd burned up what's inside
Insensitive and calloused much
my skull had opened wide

To meet another human* in the places that you go
you have be a seeker of the things you want to know
And not just in a way that makes it easy to have been
but so much more connected to the souls inside your skin
'Cause even if you shatter like a clay that enters heat
there cannot be a ****** lest you dare admit defeat
So wait beside the doors that mark the exit you have sought
and let yourself remember why you walked into your thought
The answer could be simple in a complicated way
but you will never see it if you make the choice to stay
I wanted you to speak without the fear of holding on
without believing you are but a shadow of a song
For that can be a mess that you intentionally made
to prove you aren't here because of something you can say
Forget we have the limits we ourselves create and ****
the passion you've been chasing could be living in you still

I've walked upon the roots of trees for long enough to know
the deeper in the ground you are the more you'll have to sow
For what is surface but a skin that boils in the sun
then turns to dust our fragile bones the second we are gone
Let's trace the lines our veins have mirrored underneath this earth
and reconcile missteps we make for everything they're worth
The pulse of Life is beating now and asking you to breathe
"Come find Me in the stillness where you'll never cease to be"

We spend all our time being jealous
For things that are not really ours
We beg for another perspective
To guide us without leaving scars
But we are the slaves and the martyrs
The ones who will never obtain
A simple oblivion ending
The heightening level of pain
And this be our chosen confession
The one we have kept on our tongues
"I want to be everyone else's"
*"I want to collapse my own lungs"

grains of sand pass through the glass and wearied i become
flesh is flesh and given time, eventually i'm numb

aged and stale i've bitten off much more than i can chew
but rather than admit this now i veil what i undo

to my dismay i can't escape the heavily stitched seams
for even when i close my eyes i see it in my dreams

so vivid here and brightly lit, just as i once was
the memories of you and i trickle through my blood

love of mine, if i have failed, please know that i still breathe
only by the air you gave and stored inside of me

the sense i make won't measure up to what i can't explain
all the ways you nursed my soul and quieted my pain

to this day, when you walk in - a room - i open mine
the one you've kept inside my chest, so tidy and refined

come again and stay this time, let's fly as we once did
above the ceiling of our hearts like doves that can't be hid

In company sedated under someone else's skin
I try to find the door through which my body wandered in
There won't be any roaming for my shadow left to do
I've seen what I created in a mirror made of you
It's here I know my spirit has been broken many times
Competing with the vessels that are present in my mind
We take our own emotions and expose them to our thoughts
Make everything indifferent to the cause of all the rot
I'm very much aware of where the balances are off
But choose to put aside the very things at which I scoff
There's no one in existence who can comprehend the fight
The battles that we face when we shut out the source of light
It's somewhere on the outskirts of the darkness we explore
Where demons turn to people who are swallowed up in war
The prisoners and fighters were once friends until they spoke
Of massacres they plotted that caused one of them to choke
I'm not here to admire those who pass away to shake
The core of who I am because they couldn't stay awake
Such ****** in the hearts of those who want to have it all
I tried to comprehend it but their pride is just a wall
Forgive them in the name of every power that they seek
'Cause even they will bow to simple truths they cannot speak

Maybe in the moonrise we can sanctify the night
I'll wait until the morning, wake for you to shed your light
We'll define existence as the something we have made
Put together slowly and then altered every day


Observing all the wrinkles that have  borne the weight of time
I have ceased to challenge things that I cannot define
So as we both continue on, to rearrange the seas
There is something greater that will counteract our breeze

He stands in the corners of all his thoughts to elude visibility
pacing, carefully tracing his steps along the lines that connect them
and make him coherent
He likes to make this trip and no one ever expects him -
he just shows up and collects
His mind stores things
he keeps people there then walks about, spits them out,
leaves them everywhere

He spends his days expelling  curses, claims it helps him focus
And he reasons like an insane man does -
with too much passion and not enough pain (the good kind)
But you can't tell him that, you can speak but he won't listen
He'll write you in while you write him off,
then appear on the outskirts of some dream you're having
or conjure up your next nightmare
This drifter will  be there

He'll seek out the holes in your brain and live there,
spend the time to make you his mime
Then through your veins he'll live divine,
feed you words that he's disguised
And while you choke on bitter rind,
he'll string you up, a wooden chime

He'll take the song that you contrived
and pen his name upon the lines

i think i will survive if i can wait a little more
i'll wait until
the last of you is walking
out the
door
the hours have been good to me
the miles
make it
clear
that life can still be beautiful
without you being
                           here
it's when i press my lips to yours
that everything
returns
and opens up a world with an intensity that
burns
enough with the explosives
i don't want them
anymore
the back of you in front of me, i'll run to close the door